I've grown up with chronic pain. The constant ache in my lower body was something so familiar to me that I thought it was normal. I remember being shocked in first grade to learn that most kids hadn't spent their early childhoods in traction and having surgeries on a 3 month schedule. It's a pain i've had forever, i don't know life without it.
It's an issue, it holds me back but it's also inspired me to work hard, work over it and achieve my dreams. When my treatment ended at the age of 21, I studied abroad and backpacked through Europe. Sure the pain sometimes forced me to take breaks (but i chose some amazing places to rest in). I did it and went to 18 countries in 3 months. Pretty remarkable eh? Yeah, it was an amazing high that's being followed by an incredible incredible low.
I'm currently working as a graphic designer for an very small company (less than 7 employees) and i'm getting absolutely no health benefits and a rather low wage considering my skill set. Attempting to work in a creative atmosphere with chronic pain and unfeeling boss is turning into a nightmare. I was once told when I was having a particularly bad day to use "mind over matter" and to "get over it." Being creative is something I'm good at when i'm comfortable. While studying I didn't work on projects when I was in too much pain. I was allowed to work at my own pace but I always got projects done on time. Always.
Being forced to sit at a computer for 8 hours a day. Being told to be creative at the drop of a hat can be difficult when your muscles are spasming, and pains are shooting down your entire right side. My bosses give me no compassion. I've been given 3 written warnings and threatened to be fired basically because I can't focus when i'm in pain. I often have to work through my lunch breaks and stay late as I force myself to focus over the pain. I am dedicated to my job but it's starting to become excruciating... not just physically but mentally. I'm not sure what I can do and at times I think their ignorant position to my disability borders on abuse. (Did i mention that one of my bosses is an attending at a major hospital who knows about my disability and yet seems to ignore the issues i'm having.) I'm currently not going though any treatment, nor can i afford medications to help me. I don't want medicines, i was on them my whole life ... I just need to be comfortable. They can't accommodate and they won't allow me to work at home on bad days.
I am attempting to find a company that's suited better for me but sadly i'm in an extremely extremely competitive field. I do amazing work but my bosses can't seem to get over my 'focus issues.'
How do I get over this. Can I get over it? It's a tough situation.
I have a write up on my desk. I'm being asked to explain my actions. How much do I tell them? How graphic should I get? How do I make these people react without looking down at me? I'm at a loss. I'm depressed... i've almost stopped eating entirely and i'm wasting away. My physical and mental health are at risk because i don't know what to do, don't feel like I can afford help or find an empathetic ear.
Don't loose hope. You have overcome incredible obsticals to get where you are. You say that one of the bosses already knows your situation? You would have to be the one to decide wether you want to let others in the office know about it. However, there are things that you can do. Do you need a special chair? A pillow behind your back? A foot rest? Just to get up & move? There are some protections for disabilities in the workplace. Threatening the bosses with the Disabilities act is not usually a good place to start, but letting them know that you need some accomidation & trying to meet them the preverbial half way may help.
I can understand not wanting to spend a lifetime on pills. Have you looked into things like massage therapy. I'm not sure where you're located. I'm in a larger town/city & we have a massage school in the area. The students are required to give a certain number of hours of massage each week. They are not allowed to charge for these. If you have a school in your area you may want to check it out.
Hope this helps. Don't give up looking for another job but see if you can make this one a little better for you in the mean time.
i do live in a big city and one of my best friends is actually a massage therapist (though lives about 200 miles away) . Sadly, the integrity of my leg muscles are usually too daunting for students (my entire right leg has been restructured). Luckily when my friend can make the trip up i've got a good thing coming, haha.
When my bosses told me they were writing me up, i opened up to them. I told them how difficult the situation was and how hard i was fighting it. Even with tears streaming down my face, admitting that i had been looking up support groups for those with chronic pain in my area (and not having much luck). They looked at me blankly. It was disapointing and, frankly, scary. I started to feel rather trapped and unaccomodated. I had to fight the urge to quit on the spot but i'm in no situation to do that.
It's difficult, especially in this economy, to be stuck in a bad job. Your bosses just may not have understood what you were saying. No I'm not sticking up for them. althogh I was in upper management most of my life, I never understood sepcial needs of employees until I became one that needed the assistance. I'm grateful that I'm seeing the "out for #1" attitude changing in this economy, we still have a long way to go thinking about others. The best you can do is try to educate them as to their obligations. It may not entirely benefit you sadly enough.
What type of work do you do? Is it an option to start your own business? Not necessarily quiting your job, but picking up some side work that could eventually lead you to where you need to be. Try your local unemployement office. While you're not out of work yet they do have listings of jobs available that you may qualify for and get pushed to the head of the line with your disability. I hate to always use it as an excuse, but why not take advantage of what has been given to use(no matter that it wasn't something asked for).
Tami
i'm a graphic artist and front-end web developer. i'm trying to figure out if freelancing is an option for me - if i find enough work. i've been gathering quotes and potential clients just to see. I'm really good when i can work at my own pace - i never miss deadlines but it's always difficult when you have to sit at a desk for 8 hours a day and work work work when sometimes i really just need to lay down or not think. Today has been a particulary bad one - I took about 5 extra strength generic acetas and they didn't dull the pain at all (just made me crazy drowsy). I'm tempted to say to my boss that i need to go home cause i'm contorting myself in all sorts of positions just to find a second of comfort. Walking and laying on my stomach are the only things that seem to feel comfortable right now. If I could work and lay on my stomach at the same time - that'd be heaven.
I would think that that kind of work would be more freeing than sitting at a desk for 8 hours. How can you be creative that way? I'm sitting here picturing you in a hang gliding harness hanging over your desk. Think the boss would get a kick out of that? I'm sorry you're having a bad day. I hope it gets better soon. DOn't over do it with the pills. They all have terible side effects that most of us don't know about.