Pal-in-Pain

Health Interests

RSD,  Fibromyalgia

Drugs I am Taking

oxycontin,  percocet

About Me

Only in past 2yrs have I finally began to LIVE my life again with Chronic Pain that RSD causes. I was in an auto accident June, 1999 & was in despair & pain both mentally and physically. I now still am in chronic pain 24/7 but I have learned to deal with it through mind over matter and through my faith in God. After getting my 1st PC in 2001, I started in an online support group as a member and met friends who I still know, love, and support to this day. I have met them all too by traveling to PA, CA, and MT. It was so worth it to really know these people who via the internet came into my life as I came into theirs and I know God has a purpose and plan for me. To recognize that was freeing as I knew by helping others and being there as a good friend helped not only them but me also. I realize that I have only become a more compassionate person and also a stronger one. My pain has been an ongoing battle and even though it has prevented me from my career, it has taken me places I thought I would never go. At this time I am realizing that by being so afraid of my own prescribed meds that I haven't allowed ANY doctor to give me an increase on Oxycontin for 7 1/2 of the 9+yrs I've had RSD/CRPS. Are any of you afraid too? Have you read up on what the side affects are of the medication you take and see that it doesn't feel right or safe? I can't imagine living my life doped up on pills. I won't live it that way. I have great faith in God and feel that with the help of a great Pain Specialist and using exercise and that mind over matter has given me a way of putting me in control instead of the disease that has left me not being the same person I once was; not that I think that part is so bad. I actually feel I am a good person with a huge heart and always have been but now I take the time to smell the roses and have knowledge that I can carry with me and share with others who are not where I am or can't see down that long, painful road. There is a good place somewhere and we all have to find it for ourselves but we can not do it alone. I have a very supportive family who has been as understanding as anyone could be that doesn't experience chronic pain that never goes away. I don't have a relationship with a man anymore as I haven't found one who can at least carry the compassion of the constant; the pain, the burning, the swelling, and the wishes and dreams that still haven't been fulfilled. I know I will fulfill my life with or without a companion as I have met the greatest people and friends in my entire life that also have RSD/CRPS. I have no children to put a burden on or worry about taking care of and I do think of the ones who do and how it must make them feel and what their own lives are like. Then again I think I have no one to care for me when what is left of my aging family is gone so I strive every day to make it more and more on my own without letting others around me know just how bad it is most days. Mentally I feel I am okay now even though I can cry over what I have lost. What I have found seems to be worth so much more than the career and people that could not remain because I couldn't be the "same ole' gal I used to be"; outgoing and very physically active, best at what I did at my job, dependability also seems to come up a lot as I just can't be that even for myself so I have had to explain to others that truth also. For that I have lost friends I thought were true but obviously that was not the case yet I have found friends who know more than I wish they did because they too are in this world of pain and even some have not made it to a state of well being in their minds to even try to live with this. I always try to help by the way I live as an example but that doesn't mean I can change the way they feel. I wish I could. Only my prayers for them and my words of encouragement are what I have to offer. For that, I am dependable. I am honest and true; a friend to the end. I fear losing them also as some have it so bad that it is going internal because of full body RSD. I don't know what to say or do for them but I know I will not ever abandon them the way I have been by others who will never know much less understand. We need more doctors and nurses who learn what this is and what they can do for us besides pain meds or PT to help us deal with this or find a real cure. I believe in stem cell research for many diseases and maybe we can benefit also; only God knows if we don't or the people that want to aren't allowed by our own government to explore when there are ways of doing this that do not go beyond what we would think God would not approve of. After not having the ability to even walk for 2 1/2yrs, I so appreciate the little things in life that most take for granted. I worked so hard thinking I could beat this and get it all back but instead found that there is so much for so many to still learn to treat us, believe in us and our pain, or to cure this. IF I can still walk and be weaned off of Oxycontin, I am willing to take Percocet but am afraid as my Mother who lives with me checks to see if I am still breathing because one of the side effects is shallow breathing. I've refused to remain on anti-seizure meds for the burning of RSD as they don't work, haven't been approved for such use by FDA; mostly because they don't work and it's just another pill to take. When an insurance company gives you a life expectancy at 32 to only live to be 53, that gives you a different perspective on how we are not guaranteed even tomorrow and how short life truly is. I want to live now more than ever before and I want to have the quality of life that we all deserve because "We can't always get what we want, but we CAN get what we need". Only through my spiritual faith and belief that there IS a purpose for this madness can I accept what I go through and be understanding of it myself. My goal in life is now to write and to help others understand our strife and how pain affects us all differently. I am on a journey of self discovery and feel that this is one that will be well traveled. Thank you for allowing me to be here and maybe I can obtain more knowledge and/or help someone else through this obstacle course we go through in all of our moments of pain be it physical or mental. I'm not a medical professional at all and don't understand why I know more than most people in that field do. I wish for more teaching and research so we can all find a better place that can push our bodies and minds in a new direction. Love and God Bless Everyone who suffers or is caring for someone that does, Rhonda