Well, i have not been sharing here too much lately as I have been guilty of hanging out in the forum ..

As I have written  before I have issues with distinguishing which pain comes from what .. but for a few months now i have been in extreme pain all throughout my body and cannot seem to keep it in check ..

My first thought it was just the weather, the residue of a relapse of my MS in 2005 .. but so far MRI's are not showing new lesions, just inflammation ..

The Ultram ER is not helping very much anymore at all .. so my PCP , who i see this tues., 02/12, will finish up with my physical and have the reports of MRI's , Chest Xray and mammygrams ..

We will also discuss options for pain , and getting me into the MS Clinic down in Albuquerque .. just so a specialist can re-read the films .. but this is more pain than i have ever experienced ..

crampingup in my hands, wrists, forearms, shoulders neck, shoulder blades , lower back, buttock , thighs, hips, calfs, knees ankles heels , arches and toes .. i am one big cramp .. and i can't sit long or lay down for long and all around am in just plain ol' suffering ..

I am going to ask about using something stronger than anti-depressants/anxiety and 1 muscle pill .. i can't stand it anymore and am getting at wits end here ..

Then there's the forum .. my safe haven, a place at the "grind" where iam lifted up by the few others that talk there .. it is my support , and i have posted about not liking most forums as there are always those that minimize your pain by having more pain and for longer, yada, yada ....

Not at the "grind" , we get it out and then it is like amagical place , you just feel free .. oh, you still got pain, but for some reason, the few people who post have built a repore beyond words ... we can cry, laugh, talk about stuff that we would never dare to think of sharing with "strangers", yet we are not strangers , we have a common bond and we utilize it to learn or benefit from each others feelins , honest, open feelings .. anger, chronic pain , comfort advice ..

It is all there and i feel safe and feel like i am a part of something special .. that's important to me, as depression and anxiety often make me want to just dig ahole and disappear .. these folks seem to know how to make me feel better .. they cry with you, laugh with you and are honest with you ..

That is my sharepost , that sharing can be okay, when the friends and fam doesn't understand or want to hear it anymore , I now have a place I can go where I am accepted .. and i can actually laugh , and joke , which is not often in my life these days .. well, it is there .. these "friends" make me laugh , and smile so much and i love to be able to share how i feel or offer my experiences of 50 years of life ..

we accept and relate and talk and move on .. i have never experienced anything so profound .. i want to thank BettyBoopToo , for being the best at bringing out the humour and trust in us all ..