Hello - was wondering how do others handle the small bumps in the road .. speaking for myself , having Fibro and MS it is sometimes upsetting with all the anxiety/depression that can come with or existed before either of these life altering diseases ..
Personally , as I have written , I speak with a therapist regularly , even while she is in NM and I now am living in California .. we converse once a week, sometimes two .. I email when I feel it is important to me , and I am learning behavior modification ..
So I can add to my life , rather than allow the small issues build up until they are one huge mass of issues .. but it is not easy .. as a very passive/aggressive person , mostly passive , I am learning now that I can state what I need in a calm, clear and timely fashion ...
So what happens when I slip up ? When I don't allow myself to say "no" or "I need" in a clear, calm and timely manner ... well, anxiety takes control , as it does , I can actually feel it happening .. it is like my brain goes into over drive and it is hard to shift gears ..
Using some techinques, like the tapping method, calm me down for a bit .. then there is the fog .. what do you do with that ? Fog clogs your thoughts, and focusing becomes difficult .. so I reach out ..
But to who ? Who do you know to reach out to when anxiety or panic or that fogginess occur .. one time I called my mom, and we just talked about anything BUT the anxiety/panic I was in .. I listened to her words , and spoke some ..
As the anxiety became less and less , an hour had passed and since she is 3 hours ahead of me , I thanked her for helping me through .. and her comment was , "I didn't know you were even in that state of anxiety and having a panic attack!?"
The episode came from fear , being alone in a new place , and quite frankly , I was overcome by my own feelings of aloness , if that is a word .. not so much lonely, although I do get lonely .. but alone ..
So we spoke a bit more, and I came away okay .. shaky , but okay .. so what to do when in this situation , reach out .. you don't have to speak about what you are going through and why .. just a calming voice at the other end is a good start ..
As I find the less I speak of my aches and pains, anxiety or depression , fears .. the better off I am, and yet I do know also that this doesn't mean that these things are not going to be ..
Yesterday I had a different experience, and due to certain things and old habits and fears , I didn't reach out as I should have .. instead I faltered, allowing thoughts to build up in my head .. until I thought how awful my life is ..
But when I finally did reach out it was in an email to my therapist , as I love expressing my thoughts in writing, she likes that , so to my surprise she was still in her office and she wrote back ..
Questioning what I was really feeling, so I sat , I walked, I gardened, I cried a bit and realized that it was me .. and my own indecisiveness to plant my feet firmly on the ground here in California ..
The small stuff can sometimes be the most overwhelming. I'm fortunately not prone to anxiety or panic attacks but perhaps I can relate as a person who has chronic illness and frequently is overwhelmed by the demands of her life.
The first priority for me is to keep things in perspective. When I am moaning about how many things I am unable to do, I try to remember what it was like not to have anything at all, when a combination of events and illness left me literally homeless and living in a tent in So. Cal campgrounds. I start a gratitude list in my head of all the wonderful things I have in my life today, like a roof over my head, a warm and comfortable bed, food to eat, a vehicle to drive. Focusing on this positive list, which I could add to all day, keeps me in a positive place. There are many right now who go without even the basics of life. Imagine being one of them if you need to find a place to start your gratitude list.
Another technique I use is to focus on small goals and leave the big picture alone. Sure, I have a ton of things waiting for me to do. It seems I can never have all aspects of my life under control. If I focus on the business, the house goes to hell, etc. I am incapable of leading a so called normal life. So I do what I can, each and every day, to the best of that days ability, and let the rest go. Sometimes I let the house and the business go in order to spend a little time on social or pleasure events with my spouse, so he does not feel isolated because of me.
Chronic pain and illness can leave us without a social structure, focused on ourselves. I have found that doing some volunteer work can be a life saver. It means getting out of myself and thinking about someone else, doing for someone else. It reminds me there are many less fortunate than I, many who cannot do even the simple tasks I am capable of. So I find a way, either through a church or the local newspaper, to get involved in my community in a small way. It might mean helping to serve at a food bank or shelter, making phone calls for a candidate, visiting shut ins, etcetera.
Maybe the best decision I ever made was adopting a puppy from a shelter. When life gets hard and I'm stuck in my bed or the cabin, she is my lifesaver. She always knows when I am down and sticks to me like glue. Taking care of her needs helps me be healthier and more active. Holding her close lowers my blood pressure. And talk about unconditional love! Even my sweet spouse can't beat her there!
Living with chronic pain and illness is never easy. But with this a network like this we are able to share burdens and ease each others suffering, share wisdom and experience, keeping lines of communication open for when we need them the most.
Thanks for the topic, Adrian, and keep making positive steps forward in your new home.
Christine
Thank you Co mtnmama .. I can relate to that .. and it is nice to have someone shre their experience with .. adrian