Hope for a life ...

Hope springs eternal .. and that is what I must believe in as I make decisions about where and when and how I choose to live my life now .. having near completing the garden, I have gotten used to the good pain, and am in the figuring out how to do the upkeep on my garden/park area ..

Much like my life with Fibro .. the how , where and when is all a part of it .. how to balance the good pain with the bad , where to start focusing on when I go that step further into the world ..

Like the stepping stones that I have been setting around the greenery , I choose where my steps will take me .. it has been 4 weeks now since my move here to S. California .. while this has been the best part of my journey , making this spot for myself and others to enjoy .. I have cleared out some of the cobwebs ..

Where do I go from here ? How do I acheive my goal ? When do I make myself a part of this world , grounding myself, planting my roots ?

So , after much deliberating , and careful thinking , it is time for me to go in another direction .. while I am grateful for the time I am here , planting and making this garden has taught me that happiness is in me now ..

That no matter where I go , I can be happy .. my brother , who's place I am staying while I cleared out the cobwebs .. is not the place , and while I have chosen to move on, I know he will be happy for me in that I was able to bring my thoughts together .. and not in a stream of jumbled notions ..

So, in a few short months I will move on to a nice place in Arizona .. where I orginally had chosen , where the sun shines most days , and the stars are clear on any given night .. where the climate is perfect for my pains, and I will handle the heat of summer for my MS .. as I had in Florida , it is called air conditioning .. lol ..

While California is pretty , the dampness adds pain that I am looking to relieve , having now brought myself down from my anxiety, with the help of my therapist and some dear friends , whose patience has been unbelievable ..

So , Arizona will be where I plant my "roots" in the earth, and I have found a place , and I have made my plans and now I will maintain my garden and confidence that all is right .. in my heart, in my head and in my soul ..

Leaving behind stress, anxiety , anger and all that comes with them .. picking them out of my life like the weeds from the tulip beds .. clearing the way for planting new hopes and dreams ..

Oh, no where near Eden, but as close as I can get .. sure I will still have days of fatigue not asked for , pain not wanted , yet I feel I am better capable of clearing those negatives out of my system, like the rocks in the ground where I plant .. my life ..