She finally got confirmation after 14 years of why she was constantly in immeasurable pain. The next day she called me and told me the news. I ask her what she wanted to do. I said I would give her a ticket to anywhere she wanted to go in the world.  She only said she wanted to come “home” and be with me.

Once again, she had won my heart and loyalty.

To make a long story short and state what everyone is wondering, I came home on October 9^th, a Tuesday, at around 6 pm and she was clearly loopy. We had made a promise after several involuntary hospitals visits that she would always tell me what she had taken. At which point she said she had taken Compazine. http://www.healthsquare.com/newrx/com1097.htm

I asked her if she wanted to go to Saint Joe’s, an ER in Burbank.

She said please no that she just wanted to go to bed. I literally picked her up in my arms, put her in our bed, put a warm washcloth on her forehead, stroked her hair and told her I loved her over and over as she drifted off to sleep. I checked on her at 10 pm and she was conscious and sleeping peacefully.

I fell asleep on the couch and awoke at 7 am, when I quietly got dressed for work. I went in to awake her to make breakfast but she was lying face down in the bed. I rolled her over and immediately saw that she was "gone."

I called 911 in tears and they arrived in about 3 minutes. They confirmed what I feared, and said she had passed sometime in the night.  After the fireman, detectives, police and coroner had gone, I sat in our bed and cried my eyes out. I realized that nothing could have saved her. This was clearly God’s will to release her from her pain body.

As I sit and write this on December 27th, it has been 11 weeks since my baby passed, and there has yet to be an answer from the coroner. But I will tell you this. She DID NOT COMMIT SUICIDE! Every night she was unknowingly playing Russian roulette with her various meds. This particular night they got the best of her and she passed into heaven. I HAVE to believe this is the truth. She was too kind, loving and special to go otherwise.

In spite of what she wrote that I was a black out drinker is not entirely true. I would have a maximum of 2 drinks when I got home from work and then we would BOTH take Serquel before eating and going to sleep. Sometimes she would pass out first and other times it was me. However, it was her that suggested that we both take the same sleeping med. I am NOT BLAMING HER!

I just want to to set the record straight. She was the absolute LOVE OF MY LIFE who will never be replaced. As her mom says, she was “one in a million” and I will believe this until I am gone, and can finally join her in all eternity.

I write this with love, honor and respect, December 27, 2008.

God rest her soul.

MPF