Well, the year is almost over and the last cure the medical profession had for me (which included brain surgery) didn't work, so it is time for a new one. they tell me it is now chronic pain syndrom,   because i had a tramatic childhood (i waited until i left the office before i laughed myself silly) and it is a type of mental illness and can be cured by brain mapping?. what is brain mapping? as i understand it - it is thinking about a pleasant place, redirecting your brain away from the pain ! thus brain mapping. the theory is do it enough and the pain will go away and you will be a happy person. hang on,( laughing again).

for the last 6 years i have been dealing with pain so severe that not only have i became totally disabled, but once even was so depressed, if not for the higher power my sucide would  have been sucessfull .  today if someone said to rub toothpaste on my head each night to make the pain go away, i'd try it, at least once! so brain mapping here i come!

 i am going to be 50 yrs.old in a few days, have a wonderful husband of 30 years, kids, a slew of grandkids. love God, people and animals!

I have a theory that if i have pain than i must have something wrong with me or i would not have the pain! sound reasonable to me. So i started instisting on some localized testing being done on area's that gave me the most pain. guess what, it turns out its not just in my head, it was in my gall bladder, the one that did not funtion at all,so they took it out. they also found 2 brain tumors,some say MS some say no, a lot of bone on bone, arthriths ect. whole host of other things i don't need to go into. but you all understand.

bottom line if we push the issue, the doctors find that we do have reasons why we hurt! it's controlling the pain that the medical profession has not been able to figure out yet. fibromyalgia, chronic pain syndrom and all the others are just catch phrases that doctors use when they can't figure out what is wrong, they don't or can't take the time to figure out what is wrong.  look at it this way. they all tell us not to give up. so if they expect that out of us than we should expect the same out of them, and not allow them to herd us like cattle into their newest, " I don't know,but, don't want to look dumb so its(newest catch phrase). i get sick when i see what they charge for each office visit, and nothing is done, and we can not pay our bills and have to go to the food banks to survive. make them work for their money!

part of me says "REVOLT''! Of course, that's not the part of me that is in pain, and is physically sick from exaustion! we all have to do the best we can, we have support (i like to say love) each other through what ever is going on in our lives. God is good, he directs people together for a reason.