2008 Designated as the Year of Women in Pain

I am Patricia Draper. I am 65 years old and have been  a chronic pain patient for 27 years. I  have documented my experiences to try to help others. This paper was presented to medical professionals and to chronic pain patients recently. I am a member of the American Pain Foundation and a member of the Southwest Virginia Pain Initiative. I am not a medical professional.

2008 DESIGNATED AS THE YEAR OF WOMENT IN PAIN

Pain not only dramatically changes the life of the woman but, just as important, uproots and radically changes the life of the loved ones around her. Women in pain fulfill certain roles, even if they are in pain. Wife, mother, and grandmother are just a few of those roles: these you cannot abdicate from like a job.

MY ROLE AS A WIFE:

                        Before the pain my husband and I used to love rigorous and adventurous outdoor activities.  All of that ended with the onset of chronic pain.

                        Before the pain our house was the gathering place for all Holidays.  I prepared large holiday meals for the immediate and extended family.  After the pain began we go out to eat or bring carry-out to the house.  My kids still talk about those days, their favorite dishes, and ask for the recipes.

Before the pain my husband and I would crowd our calendars with long and short trips, hobby activities and vacations.  Now, no matter how much we want to attend an event or go on a trip, we must now consider my ability to withstand the stress and be satisfied that the available accommodations will not create a situation for increased pain.  We must also space our activities so that I have plenty of time to recover between trips.

                        As a result, our roles have changed from full, active partners to a chronic pain patient and a caregiver.  I have participated in many support groups and I have seen many marriages that cannot withstand this tremendous role shift. The marriage often ends in divorce because the husband cannot understand that chronic pain is a real illness and a lifetime illness.

MY ROLE AS A MOTHER:

                        Before the pain, I did many activities with my children--camping, biking, swimming and boating, etc.  After the pain, I became a spectator and our togetherness faded.

                        My pain began at the worst possible time in my children's lives--their teen years.  I was in crisis with horrible pain that could not be diagnosed at that time and therefore I was not given adequate pain medication.  I was not myself during that time, but I believe my children understand now and have forgiven me for not being there for them.  They have become very loving and considerate adults.