MY ROLE AS A GRANDMOTHER:
As a grandmother I had hoped to play with my grandchildren the way I did with their parents. Because of my pain, that never happened. They see me as the "sick" grandmother who needs to be coddled so they don't cause grandma to have a headache.
One of my worst and best days as a grandmother was when my youngest grandson was about 5 days old. We made the trip to Kentucky to see our new grandson. My pain was so bad at that time, I didn't dare pick him up for fear of dropping him. My son arranged a chair with pillows under my arms for support and laid the baby in my arms. I loved holding him and rocking him, but despite the pillows, my arms began to hurt, to tremble and to go numb so they had to take him out of my arms. That was the only time I ever held my youngest grandson as an infant.
As you can see, my experiences with my husband, my children and my grandchildren show how chronic pain takes its toll, not only on the body but also on the mind.
My role as a woman is that of a nurturer and a mother; a person who gives without thought for herself. My role as a woman in pain has taken away my ability to be a giver, and now I am forced to be a taker; a role I find more painful than any physical pain.
My name is Lynda. I live in Richmond, VA., am 58 years old, and since 1997 have lived with constant chronic pain. When I read your story initially, I wept; then later the same day, I reread your story to my husband as personal validation that someone else shares struggles with pain which are so identical in many ways to my own.
I would like to personally communicate with you in an effort to improve communication between my physicians and myself. Often, I feel that my words fall upon their death ear, and there must be a better way for me to express my pain and all the accompanying symptoms.
Please click on my name to send me a personal message; and know that I genuinely look forward to learning from you.
Lynda,
I am so very happy you could identify with my problems. As usual, most people, including doctors, seem to think that chronic pain patients are just about pills and medicines. (That is if they believe chronic pain is real.)
As the years pass, you began to realize that doctors, family and friends don't understand emotional devastation that occurs with our illness. They don't realize how much I had to give up just to stay moderately functional. I lost my job, had to give up my favorite hobbies of needlepoint and gardening. My mother had a heart condition, but she never had to give up her needlework and gardening. People just don't understand that only so little time each day that I can function. I prioritize my personal hygiene, then food purchasing and preparation for me and my husband--my arms will only function at counter level for about 15-20 minutes before they start to hurt. Thus, my husband eats a lot of TV dinners. Housework, washing, and other essentials are done by my husband or a cleaning company, while I sit there looking like the healthiest person in town
I have cried several times in my doctor's office, not from pain, but from emotional issues. He is a wonderfully sympathic doctor who listens indefinity while I talk. He gives me very good advice, adjusts my medications for the situation, and has offered to refer me to counceling whenever I feel the need. I hope you have or will have a doctor similiar to mine.
I can only hold my arms up to the keyboard for a short time, so I will close for now.
The weakness and pain keep me from being very active on the computer--another problem that no one associates with my chronic pain.
Looking forward to hearing from you,
Pat