please advise me about starting over

By sally Tuesday, December 21, 2010

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Please help me. I am a parent of two children 14 months apart in age. We have moved 6 months ago. I let behind my entire spine saving help. Moved to a remote location and I have stress above my head while I try to raise good smart people.

This is the thing I need comments on is 5 months ago my body started to deteriorate to the point that one month ago I was in the worst physical condition imaginable with a huge amount of responsibilities.

I am having a very hard time leaving the house with the children because it I am so afraid of the pain it creates. I am stuck at home. I want to go out and look at new homes or explore the neighborhoods where I would like to live but I am so afraid to make the hour-long trip it takes to get anywhere. My body is in much better condition, I have been seeing an osteopath when I can and it helps a lot. But I still have all the fear that built over the last few months while my body was a level 8 pain all day with no relief from medication. Ostheopathy helps me the most.

I am depressed and feel like a failure of parent because of my unwillingness to try and get out of the house. I feel like a failure because I was not able to rent our other home while I spent 10 days down there. My pain and the responsibilities trap me. We have no extended family no one seems to understand what its like to be broken in half and have to love and care for 2 young people. Please tell me how I can get over the fear of the extreme pain I was in one month ago? Please tell me how I can put the bad pain past behind me and start over in order to start over again--Alison

Comments (4) | Add comment

penny yates

12/27/10 2:38am

i live in pain even with medication. do u have any answers for me

ElissaT

12/30/10 11:59am

Alison,

Sorry to hear about your pain. It is difficult to raise children when you are struggling, and to find the help you need. Please don't ever give up. It may be difficult, but there is hope. I imagine the fear may be with you awhile, but hopefully you can find a place of comfort in the middle of it all.

Unfortunately people don't always understand and step up to help. It is difficult to deal with this loss and reality on top of the pain. You may not be able to put it all behind you (our past is part of who we are), but you can move forward and find your own inner strength and resources. Fortunately it sounds like you have 2 great kids and a home.

Finding support is really important. This may be through neighbors, family, a support group, a support service, a spiritual community, clubs, etc. A doctor may be able to evaluate if there is more going on (depression, fatigue, etc) and a therapist could help with the inner battle. When I was in my worst pain/fatigue, I had to have friends come and take my young kids out awhile, assist with meals, and housecleaning. I belonged to a support group, and found on-line support. If you don't know many people, there are support agencies that might be able to help. Prioritize as best as you can on what is important, and try to let go of the rest.

It sounds like you aren't able to get out right now to do house hunting. Perhaps you can take the kids on smaller outings and do some searching on the Internet. If you can find someone to go with you, might be a good option as well. Learning what you can and can't do is a process that changes constantly.

My thoughts and warm wishes are sent your way.

Regards,

Elissa

sally

12/30/10 12:12pm

Thank you, For your thoughtful reply, how did you find any groups willing to help? We don’t belong to a church although I would not mind. My body worker told me I have to stop acting so tough and wave my disable flag around. I have requested help from friends to go on ride alongs as we look at homes but the getting there is the hard part, we live on an island. I would love to find some support groups for disabled parent but have yet to find one. Again thank you for your thoughtful response. You are right my time of trauma is part of me and part of my life looking at it like that does make it easier to put behind me. --Alison

Marly

1/26/11 5:06pm

Having two young children 14mos. apart is hard to begin with. Try not to set your expectations to high. Think positive that you have now found the right Physician to care for you. At your low point you had nobody. Think of this as a Plus.. I'm sure at times' your children can/will be a handful however, try and make up a story book for them, explaining how mommy was feeling but you are now on the road to recovery, another plus! Explain to them on a daily basis how you are feeling. Depending on their age if they dont' understand get a doll and show where it hurts. This way they can communicate with you. You are saying you are now feeling better, you have a good Physician, again another plus. Keep looking at yourself in the mirror each day and tell yourself "I am a wonderful person, a good mother to my children, I feel good and look great. I am loved by 2 beautiful children". Keep thinking positive. Dont' go back to the negative that you were in. Your letting a dark cloud stay with you that is now gone. Let go of that cloud, it will only cause you depression and you wont' feel like doing anything. If at all possible try and get out. Even if only for 15min. a day. Then eventually make it a little longer. If there are any social groups' in your area where children are welcome, take them along. You will find special friends in these groups. When you decide on where you want to buy, maybe one of these special friends will be your guiding light. Just remember that you have to make "you time". Dont' linger on the past, it is now gone and there are blue skies ahead. Wishing you all the best and take care!!

please advise me about starting over

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