I know it's been months since anyone posted to this article. But I hope you guys are still reading this. I am not a chronic pain sufferer; however, four days ago a close friend who suffered neck pain killed herself. She had plans in place to have surgery which has a high success rate and other friends we know have had the same surgery with great success. I know she was in constant pain, but for some reason she stopped the things that helped to manage it like accupuncture and physical therapy. I asked many, many times how she was doing and she always just said ok. I wish she would have been more open and shared exactly what she needed and how she felt. If I had known she was not ok, I would have done more to be there for her. But her choice was made and acted upon and there is nothing that I can do but cry, ask why, and ask what I miss. I can't even be mad that she made that choice because it was hers to make. I just wish she would have reached out for help because while she said she was frustrated, she never told me what she was contemplating. As a loved one left behind, I can tell you it's devastating to lose someone because of this. Keep reaching out to your loved ones......some may not be able to handle it and may not be there for you, but others WILL. Keep fighting because your family and friends want you to whether they are able to tell that or not. Whether they can find the right words or do the right actions to help you, your loved ones do care what happens to you.........please keep fighting. I can no longer help my friend but I hope I can help someone else make a different choice.
I have been experiencing chronic pain since 1998 from multiple medical conditions. Up until 2009 I was managing ok with my treatments and diet.
However, in 2009 I needed a surgery for an additional problem somewhat
related to the first and it has been a living hell since. There were problems with
the first surgery which the surgeon, as well-respected as he was, failed to act upon. This required three more surgeries in the next several years. The up-shot
of it all was I was now in severe chronic pain, my stomach paralyzed, unable to
work and now on disability, short of breath frequently because of the stomach
paralysis and unable to exercise regularly which before I had loved and as expected an incredibly now-strained marriage. I attempted suicide last year by
taking an overdose of sleeping pills but all it got me was an DUI. Praise God I
didn't hurt anybody else. Pain management is not so easy for me.
Methadone gave me horrible bladder pain and insomnia and Oxycontin gave me
severe itching even at low doses. I take lorcet but it really doesn't give me full
relief and sometimes I admit I take it a little early just to try to get some relief.
I've also taken lyrica and anti-depressants which really haven't helped my pain
much either. I still have some things to do to put my affairs in order such as
pay this years taxes which are incredibly complicated for us since we sold my
business and some land last year due to my illness. But I constantly think about ending my life once these things are straightened out. I honestly believe
that my options of obtaining adequate pain control are very slim and I hate my
life now since almost everything I used to do for pleasure previously I can no
longer do. I am a religious person but right now I feel my body's broken and it
seems to me a form of torture to keep trying to make it go on. But when it
comes right down to it, I don't know if I will have the guts or fortitude to stop
eating, which I've decided is the way I will try if I try again. I do not own a gun
and I just can't seem to go that way. I stopped eating for several days before
and its not very much fun. My wife gets pretty mad at me and usually yells at
me enough to start eating again. I think everybody has their own limits of the
amount of pain; physical, emotional, psychological that they can handle. I hope
I'm an outlier. I hope most people will get some relief of their pain and
depression with proper medical treatment, It just hasn't worked very well for me. I just hate everything about this. I hate the pain. I hate not being able
to work. I hate not going on trips. I hate not being physically active. I really
don't want to bum everyone out. I haven't thrown in the towel just yet. I'm
going to talk to my pain doc soon about another med to try. Sometimes I think
this might be easier doing this alone. I hate the stress I'm giving my poor wife.
For those of you that are also struggling with chonic pain, I pray that you will
find kind, compassionate,and knowlegible caregivers and I pray that God will
give your families strength and patience, for we are not always an easy lot to
deal with.
Featuring Content From:
By using this service, you accept our Terms of Use. Please read them. The consumer health information on is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions. You should promptly seek professional medical care if you have any concern about your health, and you should always consult your physician before starting a fitness regimen. Copyright © 2012 Remedy Health Media, LLC. All Rights Reserved.
I know that many people feel strongly against suicide but sometimes even after years of therapy and medications and counseling,when one disease after another attacks your body, making every bit of energy you have used against the last one seem usless and your family doesn't come around anymore because even they can't stand to see you in pain and the shell of the person you used to be, and now you have been labled with "chronic pain" so you can't get narcotics when another pain diagnosis hits, and you work every day to get "better" and you know that you aren't and never will after so many years and your spouse sticks by you and you and you watch them get sucked down by the physical and financial burden of caring for you, you just get tired. Worn out, run down by a country that won't even allow heath care providers to prescribe effective pain medication for their pain suffering patients for fear of being raided or disbarred for doing their duty to help relieve suffering.
And the pain marches on and on and you just keep getting more and more tired. So I guess all of you who feel so bad after we are gone, ought to get off your duffs and see us now, knowing we are still inside our pain racked bodies and waiting for some loving company or as it begins to feel, our friend death.
Yes, I am in pain and very lonely and
depressed but I don't take my life because of the pain I would leave to those left behind feeling guilty.
I was really hoping that someone else would contribute to this topic. I am keeping in close contact with my mental health providers, but my doc does't seem to understand that I have REAL documented new physical pain and am allowed just enough Vicodin that I have to play "catch up" with every dose.
I have done everything my doc has suggested and discovered 2 more significant health conditions. Our weather has been so changeable and that is my worst pain trigger. I know my depression is bad, but so is my pain.
Anyone else struggling or , like for me, is it really hard to write about?
thank you skye for sharing. i found this site a few days ago and what you wrote helped me.
I am listening and I hear you. Even though I have had some bad years of physical and mental anguish, I have never seriously contemplated suicide. Although, I do take comfort in the fact that we are all going to die someday. That fact does not give me a license for reckless abandon, but it helps to know that everything is temporary.
Personally, I am not strongly agaist suicide. We all have the right to pursue life and life in its entirety includes death. Within that right is the God given freedom to make personal choices that effect your life. But yes others are usually effected by what you do and leaving loved ones behind to clean up an emotional mess is quite a burden to leave behind. Those consequences are not to be taken lightly. And I am sure you do not take life decisions lightly. Just remember, what you do in life echoes an eternity and life includes death. What will your life echo?
Dr. Christina Lasich, MD
I understand how you feel and am so sorry for your suffering. When my thoughts turn to suicide because of my pain, I remind myself that it's the pain I want to be free of not life. It's not always helpful, especially when the pain is a 10, and I've had to miss so many important days in my kids lives because of the pain. Then the guilt starts, and my brain starts it's self-abusive cycle. While I appreciate the Doctor's response to you, it was a great guilt inducer and people with chronic pain already carry way to much guilt. Buddhism has helped me. The first Noble Truth is that life is suffering. They also teach that no feeling is forever, which encourages me to know the really bad pain WILL pass, and then will come again. You have a right to make the best decision you can for your life. It might be good to find a counselor you can talk to, and a few low energy required hobbies that involve something you enjoy. Just to get you out of your "self" so to speak. Even reading to the blind. My heart is with you, my hand is in yours. Namaste', and may your pain be a memory rather than a daily battle soon. Love, J