I first started having chronic pain when I was only sixteen. I thought I was going crazy because it just wouldn't stop. When I was born I had graves disease Hyperthyroidsim. So most of my life has been spent in doctors offices, hospital and so on. Sometimes I feel as if I am a human pin cushion. But it wasen't until I was nineteen that I was formally diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, it was when I was pregnant with my first daughter.
At last I didn't feel so insane there was a name to go with what I was feeling. But didn't make the pain go away there are night when I just cry because it feels as if someone is crushing ever bone in my body, wearing clothes and ahving blankets on me hurts. My girls know not to hug mama because I am "broken". And it makes me cry that they can't do that or lay on me or anything I feel so worthless at times.
I turnend to cutting myself as a way to "breathe" to takeaway from the pain that I couldn't control. it's hard to explain all the reason as to why I cut no one can really explain it. But it became a problem when I couldn't stop but I haven't cut in six months now. Having Fibro is so hard and I feel bad for my husband.
He worries alot about me and it kills him to listen to me cry at night and he can't do anything to help me. But he gives me massages and just holds me until it passes which seems like a eternity. Just wish there was some way to rid the pain completly I am tired of being on pills and not being able to work a real job because I can't stand or sit to long.
