She is now old enough that she's starting to understand mommy has "boo-boo's" which I've had very mixed feelings about. I hate that she knows what a doctors office is already and that mom takes medicine for her boo-boos. It makes me a little sad that when she gets hurt she puts her ice packs not where HER hurt is, but where she sees me putting ice packs. She wants to mimic everything at this stage. It makes me sad that she has to see mommy on her bad days and we end up staying inside on a beautiful day if I'm in severe pain. It crushes me. On the flip side, I know that no matter where we are playing or how long we play for, she is just happy to be with me. I know I'm trying my hardest to make her childhood as wonderful as ever, and be as involved as I possibly can be! She is extremely compassionate when someone gets hurt or she sees something like me stubbing my toe. She wants to kiss boo-boos and rubs my back. At 2 yrs old that is one very sweet gesture. I know I'm raising her with a kind of understanding and compassion for others that perhaps those who aren't around chronic pain may not learn until much later in life. I try to keep as much of it to myself as I can, but obviously when it's just us two together so much she picks up on things. I have one of the sweetest most lovable kids in the world.
All in all, I guess I'll never know why I have to deal with this chronic pain at a young age. Will we ever? The choice is how you deal with it. I'm doing my best to go one day at a time...that's all I can do. I have had some life changing experiences lately... a few emergencies and losses, and a scary episode that left me unconscious. I'm told I stopped breathing briefly... and boy does something like that put things into perspective. My first thought when I came to was my little girl. Her smiling face is the best medicine. She keeps me going! Despite the hard pain days, the grief I've had lately, the challenges I face every day... I feel extremely blessed!
You may not be able to control your pain, but don't let your pain control you.
Hi Nicole – It's so good to hear from you and to know that you and your daughter are doing well. I couldn't agree with you more – being a mother is the hardest job there is, but it's also the most rewarding. My children are all grown now with children of their own. All of them – children and grandchildren alike – bring me more joy than I can put into words!
Your SharePosts and the forum thread you started have been such a blessing to other women with chronic pain who are considering having a baby or are already pregnant. Whenever I hear from someone in that situation, I always refer them to your posts. I really do appreciate your willingness to help and encourage them. My chronic pain problems didn't begin until several years after my children were born, so I can't share firsthand experience with them. But knowing how much I worried about the health and safety of my babies even without chronic pain and medications to deal with, I can only imagine how frightening it must be for those of you who have those additional complications.
I'm so thankful that you are part of our community here. I'll look forward to continuing to hear from you anytime you have a minute to share. – Karen
Thank You Karen, for such kind words!