When people ask me about how it feels to be a new mom, I keep telling them that it’s something you can’t put into words. This feeling I have is something that nobody could explain to you ahead of time. You simply have to experience it to truly understand. This amazing emotion that overcame me the second I heard that cry and saw her for the first time – pink, healthy, screaming!  The best moment of my life!!<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" ?>

Maybe it’s this emotion, this overwhelming happiness, that keeps me motivated through the tough spots? Nobody said being a new mom was easy, but who knew it was this hard?? Not me! I thought I was pretty darn prepared – wrong.  Sure, I know how to bathe and diaper, and burp and rock… but the emotions, the sleep deprivation, the stress, and for me – the pain levels – those aren’t things you can really “prepare” for ahead of time no matter what.  Having a condition with daily pain is hard enough in itself, and being optimistic I thought that the pregnancy was going to be the hard part, that once I heard that healthy cry, saw that she was ok, recovered from surgery, that everything would be back to normal. Ha! <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" ?>Normal..what’s that?? Normal left town a while ago!

The first few weeks were a roller coaster! First of all, our experience in the hospital was a nightmare. It’s sad that in a place full of people educated in medicine, that chronic pain is something so misunderstood. I was treated like a drug addict, looked at like I was crazy for having so much pain (after a cesarean I might add)… I was lectured by nurses about what these medicines may do to my baby (I had done my homework and knew what I was being told was untrue), and the list goes on. My doctors were even insulted!! I could go on forever…. but long story, short – I went home early with the support of my doctor and moved on. I had bigger things to think about than the hospital, and better places to put my energy!  (energy.. now there is something I miss.) Ok, back on topic nicole.

Being home sure felt good.. except for the fact that I had a total of five hours of sleep all week, didn’t eat at all the first week, my pain level was pretty high, we were having trouble breastfeeding so I was worried my daughter wasn’t getting enough to eat, etc. etc. Thank god for mothers…..At 29 years old... I wanted my mommy! No joke. My mother lives across the country and had planned on being with me two weeks after the baby was born (at my request). Again, being naïve (or optimistic), I thought my husband and I didn’t need any help at first, that we’d rather have the week alone to settle in and then have family visit after that. We could do this! Or could we? Lying in bed I sobbed… I was in so much pain, my emotions were OH SO whacky, I was hungry and tired.. oh so so so tired. I had to admit I needed help; I was so overwhelmed, and tearfully called my mother and asked if she could come earlier than two weeks out. Being my superwoman mom, she dropped everything and was on the next plane out. Only now, being a mom myself, can I understand why. There wasn’t anywhere she’d rather be…