I was 34 years old when I shamefully had to take my place on the disabled list of life. I no longer recognized the person in the mirror. Who is this person, why can I not over come this pain, this inabilty to be the mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend, the "ME" I had always been. I shamed myself for not being able to overcome and take care of those who needed me.
I had time plenty of it, I picked up a paint brush for the first time. I had to express my own shame, get it out without anyone seeing my defeat in myself and that is what you see here, "Shame of Pain" I call it that because once i started I realized it was not me, not my shame on canvas, but my pain! My pain that started at age 8, I am now in 45th year and still in pain, but this is part of my path, part of me without shame.
I hope that my art was uploaded correctly and you can see me and my pain. If it did not upload please let me know.
thank you, miss lisa
My heart goes out to you, Lisa. I, too, have written those exact words. Too young to feel so old and debilitated. Shamed by my "diagnosis", my "medication", my "limitations".
"No, honey, don't pull on mommy's arms, it hurts." "No, Mommy cannot play today." "No, I can't go for a bike ride with the family, you guys have fun, I'll take pictures." No no no no--
I often get so sick of it, but by God's grace I have a wonderful family. I am finally learning my limits... and medication allows my life to have meaning. I wish we all could shed the shame once and for all.
I just happened on this site for the first time.
Maybe I'll upload some of my photos/videos. Thanks for sharing.
M
My art is my photography. I was a video producer before the accident, I cannot "carry my load" or hoist a 60 pd. betacam anymore. So I use my lightweight Canon Rebel and set them to music.
I'm glad you found painting. I had to give it up because the smells combined with my meds, too much nausea!
Hi Maya,
I am new here also and that was my first share post.
Thank you for commenting and yes "superwomen" is no longer here, it seems we have been through the same emotions. I have chronic nausea and take 3 meds a day for it. 2.5 of valium seems to help the best. When i do my pastels i use oils and i use my hands as my tool most of the time and it gets into my system and i have to stop.
I too am the one behind the camera, it is an art I am your give me a camera that does all the work. So, what you do is truly art, keep taken those pictures. i would love to see you work.
What are your illnesses? You are lucky to have the support of your family, treasure that always.
Are there any words of comfort that i can give you? or any questions that i can help with? What is your age? How many meds do you take and what kind? I keep my meds in a bag that is pretty to look at, it distracts me from dwelling on taking my meds.
i am here,
lisa, peace