I don't know what to do from here. I just know I am miserable.

At the last visit to Mayo Clinic a doctor asked if there was metal in me.  When I asked if the MRI revealed anything in me, the doctor, and team (At Mayo they travel in Packs), and the doc said no, there is nothing.

It got me going on this idea that the surgeon accidentally left something in me.  I once heard a story about a doctor that left a sponge in a patient.  I've even heard of babies going home with the wrong parents.  Whatever.  Doctors are human, but it drove me to be sure about it.  I went to Mercy medical in Iowa.  The X-ray revealed 8 metal clips around and literally on my spines,  and a 4-5 inch zipper along the contour of my shoulder blade.  

Whatever means a surgeon has to take to put a patient back together I think that a patient should know what they are.  Knowing that there actually IS something stuck in me would have saved me a lot of mental anguish.  I spent the last 14 years thinking I was literally crazy.  I was told over and over it was all in my head.  I was treated like a criminal.  Literally.  The means and ways I survived have not been those of a healthy person.  And since I look healthy, a bit skinny, but healthy, I must be mentally ill.  Addicted.  Delusional.  Obsessed.  Attention seeking.  Severely depressed.  An insomniac...... on and on.  I just want to be where nobody knows how I used to be.  I want people to see me as I am.  And I am MISERABLE.  Every time I accidentally reveal this in some way I end up in the psych ward.  Against my will.  I think, and doctors have admitted to me, that my "case" is either a lie, or too confusing and baffeling.  They never know how to help.

I just want to be independent, work at a job, volunteer at a dog rescue, learn new graphic software, have friends, go out, all of the stuff a normal person does.  

Now I live with a 56 yr old ad exec who drinks into a blackout every night- falls down, breaks things, makes a disaster of the kitchen, pretends I am not here until I am ready to move out,  I can't sit through a whole movie because it hurts, nor dinner.  I have no friends.  I hate the medication I have to take.  2 days ago it got to the point where I could not eat on either side of my mouth.  I had the replacement tooth from a root canal fall off a while ago, and I just lost a couple of fillings..on and on..  Needless to say, I hate the dentist.  I always have dreaded it, but now it is a really really bad problem.  So I made an appointment, went, got x-rays, and found out I need replacements on a root canal, possibly 4 new root canals, and 11 fillings that need either replacement or newly done.  This is just without her even sticking that hook in my mouth.  Then, she says that she cannot do a procedure to relieve the pain because I have a history of seizures.  I can't eat at this point, though.  She said she would give me something to relieve the pain, and it takes 4-6 weeks to get the approval from medi-Cal (California Healthcare) to approve the procedure.  She then gave me a RX for penecillin.  I wondered how she could send me out the door with this.  I argued with her.  She asked what I wanted, and I told her that anything with a lot of tylenol upsets my stomach.  We went back and forth.  She said, "You just like it."  Like I like the feeling of a strong drug.  Then she threw in something about meth.  I am thin, and I do have bad teeth, but I have not ever ever done meth in my life.  I said that is discrimination.  She gave me Norco.  I went home and spent the next 2 days throwing up.  LARGE , like quarter size welts sprung up all over my body.  I had look on the internet what to do.  I had an allergic reaction to the penecillin.  I had to lance (cut with a razor blade) to drain the fluid on each sore.  It was so gross.  I haven't left the house because they are all over my face, also.  I didn't want to lance those, so I look like an alien.  I called the dentist, and she said to go to the ER.  She said she could not prescribe anything even to to stop the symptoms of the allergy.  Now I sit, still with an infection, and healing from the nausea, skin rash and sores, and I can't take it anymore.