I don't know what to do from here. I just know I am miserable.

The worst part is that I cannot go to a doctor like this.  Whenever I describe what is going on I can't help but express my anger towards the medical system.  I always feel like they give up on me, or make an assumption about me too soon, and after that, anything I say would be taken out of context, written in their transcripts, and on and on goes the soap opera.  I feel like the more I go for help, the worse things get.  

All of the psych meds I am supposed to take just plain suck!  I was having seizures.  Sleepwalking.  Digestion problems, Blackouts- tons and tons of blackouts by taking the prescribed amount.  Seriously.  Some of them made me really really paranoid.  If I included the list of all of the psych meds I have been on....jeez.  My friends are suprised I am not dead.  Please help me do something.  I am not stupid, I am not crazy, and I am not a drug addict.  I will move anywhere I will do anything to help this.  I had to move to CA from MN because the cold was too painful.  This runs my life, and no matter what I do I can't make it better.  I lost 35 lbs. in the last month.  I exercise constantly to try and create painkilling endorphins, and I am naturally a super lazy person.  I will do anything to make this manageable. I want a life.

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