The worst part is that I cannot go to a doctor like this. Whenever I describe what is going on I can't help but express my anger towards the medical system. I always feel like they give up on me, or make an assumption about me too soon, and after that, anything I say would be taken out of context, written in their transcripts, and on and on goes the soap opera. I feel like the more I go for help, the worse things get.
All of the psych meds I am supposed to take just plain suck! I was having seizures. Sleepwalking. Digestion problems, Blackouts- tons and tons of blackouts by taking the prescribed amount. Seriously. Some of them made me really really paranoid. If I included the list of all of the psych meds I have been on....jeez. My friends are suprised I am not dead. Please help me do something. I am not stupid, I am not crazy, and I am not a drug addict. I will move anywhere I will do anything to help this. I had to move to CA from MN because the cold was too painful. This runs my life, and no matter what I do I can't make it better. I lost 35 lbs. in the last month. I exercise constantly to try and create painkilling endorphins, and I am naturally a super lazy person. I will do anything to make this manageable. I want a life.
When you go to a Dr, they are working FOR you! Remind them of this. If you are not happy, it is not illegal to search for someone whom you are ccomfortable with. Doctors have recently been forced by the DEA to require urine testing? These doctors are basically saying that they do not believe what their clients are telling them. The first thing that a 'Sports Med' doc wanted was my urine. I have lower back pain from a short life of hard living. So now I am without my medication I need to work. I am drinking a beer now hoping that it will make me feel better until an appointment I made with a friends Dr next week. I too am young and have gone through numerous physical therapies, local shots, and three epiderals in my spine. I would do anything to feel better... Do I want to take narcotic pain killers everyday? NO. Do I just want to not feel the pain? YES. How is this wrong>/\\*^$
You have no idea how much you took the words out of my mouth by the last thing you said. It is really annoying that people go to the doctor and get narcotics because their feelings are hurt or whatever. It puts a lot of pressure on the docs. I have been in so many situations where their hands are tied. My shrink sent me to a doc a few months ago that prescribes narcotics. I listened to the consult in the next room before he came in to see me. He seemed like such an *****, and I cannot work with someone that only gives me 5 minutes. If I am going to take serious measures with this I have to have a doc that pays a bit more attention. My body is rejecting medicine left and right. I have been ruined by all of the alternative measures to treat something so simple. People have had pain since the dawn of time. Narcotics, benzos, whatever are miracle drugs when used properly. I take adderal for ADD/ADHD, and people have offered to buy it from me. I have had roommates steal my meds to get high, and I am creeped out. I don't get high off of it, because it treats a real problem. I don't take more than I am prescribed, but there are lots of people out there that lose control, and have to steal. They are also sick people so I don't hold resentments. I just move. When they steal my meds or offer to buy them I always want to say, "Would you walk up to someone in a wheelchair and offer them cash so that you can wheel around and have a good time? Meanwhile the guy you got it off of is in a bush somewhere."
I am really sick, and I attract sick people. I am 29, and my boyfriend is a 56 yr. old every nite blackout drinker I take care of. I immediately connected with him when we met because he is so cynical about his illness. I have to laugh at myself sometimes, too. I just hate it when he lectures me, and says it is all in my head. He says I create my symptoms myself. It is hard to take advice from someone that drinks vodka and tequila straight every nite to deal with his own ailments. I haven't drank in years. I just end up super fucked up when I do drink. It also causes seizure for me, so the option is not there. I used to drink a lot to escape the physical pain and insomnia and so on. I do connect with alcoholics to a point. As I said, though, all they have to do is heal their mind. Those ****** don't know how good they have it. All they have to do is sit around in a circle and blab about their messed up childhoods. It goes beyond that for me. I wish wish wish I was just a plain old drunk, junkie, or whatever. They say the grass is always greener, but that idea just makes me angry. You have no idea how much anger is inside of me. I just want to wake up from this nightmare. I am not stupid, and unfortunately I am not a drug addict. Those guys have a solution. My reality is much more complicated. I know there is no fairy dust or magic wand someone can wave, but I am having a hard time even knowing what is real and what is psychosomatic. Most of my emotional baggage stems from my pain. The tail has been waging the dog for 14 years. I am ready and willing to try something new. I can't seem to get away from abusive relationships. I always run into the arms of someone or something that causes more harm. I want to address the root of the problem, NOW. How do I find a doctor that understands? I have accomplished a lot by finding this forum. Now what?
Carla passed away oct. 9 - o8 and she will be missed :(