EARLY MORNING

KAT UPDIKE

12-23-05

I WAKE EARLY THIS MORNING AND TRY TO GO BACK TO SLEEP. BUT I ACHE SO MUCH I CAN NO LONGER LAY IN THE BED. IT IS A RELIEF WHEN THE DOG BEGS TO GO OUTSIDE, ANY REASON TO GET UP IS WELCOME.

I AM AT A LOSS, MY HANDS TINGLE BUT IT IS MY BACK AND HIP THAT IS KILLING ME. IT SEEMS EVERYDAY I WAKE UP TO THIS PAIN. I CAN NOT TELL IF THE PAIN IS FROM ARTHRITIS OF ONE OF MY MANY FALLS, OF MAYBE JUST ANOTHER FUN EFFECT OF MY FIBROMYALGIA.

THE STRUGGLE WITH MY MIND AND BODY IS EXHAUSTING AND I MUST FIGHT TO KEEP THE DEPRESSION IN CHECK. SO THE PAIN PILLS COME OUT SO I CAN MAKE IT THROUGH ANOTHER DAY.

LIFE HAS BECOME STRENUOUS AT BEST AND IT IS OF LITTLE CONSOLATION THAT I WON THE BATTLE FOR TODAY. TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY AND ONLY TIME WILL TELL WHAT IS TO COME.