Raising teenagers is difficult even if you're healthy, so trying to do it with chronic pain has to be an incredible challenge.  I raised three children through their teenage years by myself.  I hadn't developed the chronic pain problems yet, but was going through a divorce and it was one of the most traumatic times in my life.  I know I made a lot of mistakes, but I did the best I could at that time.  I just kept asking God to watch over and protect them in spite of me.  Thankfully, He did.  In my case, seventeen was the worst age for all of my children.  I sometimes wondered if we would all make it through those years.

I currently have two fourteen-year-old grandchildren and have seen a big change in them since they became teenagers.  It's a difficult and confusing time for kids.  Being with and like their peers is the most important thing in their world at that time.  I think it's normal for kids to resent their parents and blame them for anything they're not happy with during those years.  I did it, my kids did it, and my grandkids are doing it now.  I'm not sure there's any way to avoid that.  When kids are teenagers, they think their parents are stupid, old-fashioned and don't understand them at all.  But it's amazing how much smarter we parents become when they grow up and have kids of their own. :-) 

I wish I could give you a magic key for getting through the teenage years smoothly, but I'm not sure that's possible.  I can tell you, though, that once my kids got older and in college, they gained a new perspective and appreciation for me.  Now I have a very close and loving relationship with each of them and we can laugh about all they put me through when they were teenagers. 

Only you can decide exactly how to handle your daughter.  Perhaps you could give her a little less responsibility at home if she will do what you absolutely need her to do to help you without complaining.  Just a thought to consider.   If she's always been a sweet person, I suspect you'll see that person emerge again as she gets a little older. 

The best thing I can tell you is to try to let her know that you love her unconditionally – even when she's not being so nice or does something you don't approve of.  I always tried to let my kids know that I loved them, even though I might not like what they were doing at the time.  They tell me now how much that meant to them.  The other thing I would say is to pray a lot for both of you.

I wish you the best. 

Karen