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12/ 3/07 3:04pm

Hi Missy, Welcome to the group ! You've found a caring place with some good folks. While I don't have any experience with a morphine pump and truly do hope I won't need one... I've been dealing wit chronic back /leg pain for some time. I did file for disability 17 mos ago and my hearing is finally this friday. The advice I think is A: Start with representation. While they will get some of your funds on the back end with them on the case that takes most of the pressure off of you. They get the medical records,deal with the Social Security people it's been a blessing for me. B; Patience usually it's a drawn out process. It may not be for you with your history and records but, it is for most. The waiting is the worst.. Hope this helps. Chuck

12/ 3/07 9:13pm

Thanks Chuck... good input from people that have been down the road. Thankfully I already have an attorney on retainer and he started gathering the medical documents already. I know it will be a huge miracle if I were to be approved the firstround.. I did alot of investigating over the past year knowing deep in my heart I would be facing this some day. Tried hard not to.. but couldnt do it anymore. I know SS will likely deny me.. when I went for their independant medical exam the doc looked at me at the end and just flat outasked "how have you been functioning "? LOLO hello ?? I havent been ! But SS has to do what they do.. and I know I just need to have patience and let my attorney handle it.

Thanks for your input.. and to you. I hope you never need the pump.. !!

Missy

12/ 3/07 11:27pm

Missy

forgot to add.

I'll add prayers for your SSDI case too. Mine has been a drawn out long process and I cannot wait for it to be done. We are waiting for my hearing date.

If you already have an attorney like Chuck, you'll probably do better. I began my filing and everything on my own and had no idea what I was doing.

My attorney said that I had protected my pride too much and had not given them the rotten deal that this pain has done to my life correctly.

I've founght really hard, not to let my pain throw me in the dark pit of depression. that does not mean I don't ever have dark days or weeks, but I really try to do the things the doctor says to help with it and keep my mind occupied with study of pain and trying to share and comunicate with others. and of course I PRAY alot, so the SSDI folks think that I'm not depressed enough to have the crappy of a life of pain??? Who knows, I just wanted to be as honest as possible, but I guess I did protect my pride.

You have alot more surgery type records, so we can hope you don't have to continue jumping through the hoops of the SS department.

I'll be so relieved when it's done.

Hey Chuck, cant wait to hear when your done too!

Good luck Missy

Betty

12/ 4/07 9:42am

oooh Betty ..prayers to you too. And yes, I have an attorney. As I told Chuck, I started the road of investigating everything on long term disability more than a year ago. I had a good paying, but very demanding job and am single..so keeping a roof over my head is an issue !! Having said that, my guts have known since my last surgery that I was headed for long term disability.. which is a very difficult thing for me to accept..based on everything I reviewed I knew I had to have an attorney in place. I have one on retainer, and even though we are waiting for the first ruling Iknow he has already begun process of collecting medical records.

I know I need to prepare myself to be declined ... because that is there standard MO.. but as I tild Chuck.. when I went to their independent doctor for their exam.. by the time she got done with me she just looked at me and asked "How have you been functioning ?"... HA.. I HAVENT !! She asked me if I was depressed and I just looked at her and said "How can I not be ? Im 47, have worked ALLLLL my life and never saw my life coming to this.. I am in pain 24/7.. who wouldnt be depressed?"

So, we'll see. Having said, that you.. just trying to make it through each day. the last few months have been a blurr of pain and heavy meds... my state disability will run out in May.. I am tring to figure out now what to dowith my time at least. Cant work for any $$$ till SS approves app...as I am sure you know.

So, let's both cross our fingers for each other. I have heard from so many folks like you that this will be drawn out.. so mentally I have tried to prepare myself... and attorney will be worth the % he will get.

simmonsgrad03

12/ 8/07 6:10am

I have a pump in too. It was a long road to get there. I got SS on the first round, but it is because I had an attorney from the start. You might want to consider getting an attorney when you apply. They seem to listen more when you have one. SS had set me up for an IME - but my attorney applealed before that to re review the medical records by a peer physician. After review, they dropped the IME and I was award SS. Hope it helps.

12/ 8/07 10:24am

hey there. I would love to talk to you more about the pump if you are open to that. Im having a bit of an axious time adjusting, which is not like me at all. With all my surgeries.. no problem.. just picked myself up and kept going. Its been different with the pump and hard to lnpw what is ?normal"

I appreciate ypur input regarding SS. I am holding my breath for word on first ruling. I do have an attorney, I met with him in March and then signed on retainer the day before I went to the SS IME. So we shall see.. fingers crossed. Im glad you got the positive outcome without mucj battle. I've heard so many stories of long battles and I am trying to be mentally prepared for that.. and let the attorney do his thing !! My IME was interesting.. by the time the doctor got done with me she asked me "How have you been funtionong given my condition etc ".. and then she toldme she would be issuing as positive a report back to SS as possible.

But.. I wait... holding breath!

Thanks again.. and let me know if we can chat more about the pump.

Missy

12/ 8/07 10:27am

Chuck.. I heard from a little bird here that your hearing went well and you won !!! That is so great.. major congrats to you.. you must be very relieved.

Missy

12/ 8/07 1:36pm

Hi Missy,

Yes, it felt better today knowing it was over. Yesterday I was in bed the rest of the day.

It feels like a weight off of my shoulders.

Go over your medical stuff with a fine tooth comb! During the hearing it was all about what I couldn't do and why I thought I couln't countinue. Stuff from 20 yrs ago.! Jobs especially.

The judge was nice enough(I geuss) but,

it's set up to make you feel on the spot when you go in.

Then they make wait 2 to 3 month before you ever get paid anything...

But, I'm thank ful thats it's over.

Chuck

simmonsgrad03

12/10/07 6:19am

Ask away...hopefully I can answer questions.

I have a medtroinic pump in.

12/ 3/07 11:14pm

Woot! Woot! Bravo! Woot! Woot!

Great Job Missy! Thank you so much for sharing the whole or as much as you could, story of what you've been through to get your pump inplanted.

You poor, poor Cry Dear!

I cannot even imagine what you have been through. I've pretty much made sure that my docs know that surgery is just not an option for me right now, and your story has reinforced my stand. I'm such a coward, when it comes to surgery, if they cannot tell me that it will be a 100% success and I will live in less pain, then I just cannot go through it. I have read countless stories of people such as your self and it has seemed that they all have had to have multiple surgeries, after having one, then they seem to need additional ones. either to repair what did not heal correctly or to repair the parts that did not work the first time.

I am just so scared. Embarassed

I imagine you have went through the huggest frustrations that nearly any person would ever go through.

Did you feel, once the first surgery did not hold for you, that you had no choice, but to go in an try and fix it?

I would think that would be what it would be like.

Your amazing that you continued to work, like you have for all these years. Very strong women.

When you mention nerve burning, Do you mean Radio Frequency Oblation procedures?

I have those done on my lower spine, but I'm having such difficulty with my upper spinal area and will be reporting for the fourth time to my PC this friday. I am wondering if you have had the Nerve burning done on your upper spinal area too?

I've had these precedures done about 7 times now. some times they work pretty good for about 3 months max, and then other times they really have not helped for more than a few weeks. She's tried going up higher on my spine and I've also had her do my right side instead of my left and that time worked for probably the longest. I just cannot get both sides done at once and I don't understand exactly why yet?

Do you have any pain in your lumbar Region or is it all in the Cervical region?

We must be close to the same size. I'm 5'2" petite/115lbs? The reason why I comment, was because you mentioned that it was because of your build or physic that your back problems began and was kind of wondering if maybe I could have that problem somewhat too?

Very good post my dear, I'm really thankful that you shared. You gave me a great deal to think about and of course I'll have more questions as I go over your post again and think about it more.

Thank you very much for all the work you did on it and I hope it did not get your pain flared up by typing it.

Thank you

Take Care

Betty

12/ 4/07 9:27am

(((BETTY)) my new fast friend... yes.. I did it.. I got the post up. Must admit.. took a good hour to get it all typed out and it was a struggle to sit at puter that long. I have had some other replies already so if I can help anyone.. including you.. it will be worth it !!

Many comments.. first... hindsight 20/20 yes, if someone had told me when I had the first surgery the potential problems I could have I would have done everything to avoid surgery. So my advise would be to do everything you can to avoid surgery, especially if you have multi issues. It was too late for me when I knew the truth.. that sfter one fusion your supporting discs are at risk. When the C 6/7 failed to fuse 4 times, I did not have any choice on surgery because I was literally walking around with a broken neck. It wasnt a case of maybe part of it had fused, like the ends.. and not finished.. when I went to the reconstruction surgeon and saw the films.. it was the scariest thing I had seen on me to date... imagine large black gape at C 6/7.. nothing holding top and bottom together except metal plates screwedin but they had no other bone to fuse to.. so, like I said I had no choice.

I think the procedure you described may be the nerve burn.. fuzzy brain.. do they literall ground you ? thatt woould be the nerve burn.. they ground the person because they are electronically burning the nerves.Anyway, sounds similar and concept the same..as yours. Have they tried nerve block on you yet ? The nerve block worked really well on me.. just didnt last long. I am told by doctor and met the wife of another patient, that these can last a year... depends on each person. The woman I met said her husbands first block lasted 14 months !! When I heard that, given mine lasted 6 weeks.. I understood better why my doc knew he wouldnt be able to keep doing them on me and the pump was our last option.

Anyway.. ask your doc about nerve blocks.

Pain in lumbar.. no.. not too bad yet. More now with pump in place because pump is inplanted just above left buttocks and cathetar line runs up to the lower spine, so I do have some pain there now.

Okay.. wanted to ask you if you are going to try Lyrica ?? I did notice a difference in the pain relief with Lyrica.. seems to hit a different pain forme.. whichis why they opted for it. Will be interesed to see if they give you that now as well.

What meds are you taking right now ?

Okay.. its early here...hope youre feeling okay today !!

Missy

12/ 4/07 6:07pm

Hi Missy,

Like Betty the thought of surgery just makes me weak in knees, my neurosurgeon has in his statement that I'm not a candidate so,

that's pretty much off the table for me.

I had surgery on my lumbar/tail bone area when when I was 14 after my family was in a devastating auto accident.

Of course 30+ years later the records don't exist, the only the I rememner is being in a wheel chair for a while and having to learn to walk again. Back then pain control control was being whacked out on demerol or morphine. We lost my mom in the accident so the years following were filled with pain both emotional and physical.

My hat's off to you for carrying on the way you have you certainly have nothing to be ashamed of.

I'm a little nervous about the hearing but, I'm looking forward to it too. The way I look at it is

they're not giving us anything, we've paid for it a couple times over..

Have a low pain nite..

Chuck

12/ 4/07 10:47pm

Good Evening Guys

Chuck, I know exactly what you mean about the physical & Mental pain that follows a loss like your mother. I'm very sorry, that had to have been just overwhelming for you all, and at your tender age of 14.

We lost our 17 yr old son five years ago and My pain began within a year of his death. My memory during that time is very hazy, as the internal pain was every bit as bad as the physical pain that I now share and also probably has something to do with the reason that I have chronic pain and FM.

He's right Missy, you have nothing to feel bad about having to apply for disability. I really think you really gave your working career the very best shot that anyone ever has. You should be proud of your self for that.

Chuck, I've been praying that your hearing goes well and I'll be sure and be praying all morning on Friday for your intentions! I've got it marked on my calendar and in my prayer book.

I've been gone all day today and the pain is quite high! But I'm really thankful to have all my elderly friends needs taken care of and she's set for another several days.

I've got a message apt in the AM and I am really needing it.

Take care my friends

Betty

12/ 4/07 11:54pm

Hi Betty,

Always good to here from you.

Hope you enjoy your appy and it helps.

I've taken my soma and headed for a nap.

Chuck

12/ 5/07 11:26am

First and foremost a huge ((HUG)) yo you both. Chuck... I am so sorry for what you had to endure at such a young age and the loss of your mother That is something that no one ever truly gets over.. and Betty, well as with Chuck, my deepest sorrow for losing your son. I know that had to be equally devastating for you and a pain no one and othing can take away. It is no wonder you developed health issues.. our emotions and our health are alot more closely linked than I think most of us understand.

The hats off and kudos go to the both of you.. and well.. lets faceit.. anyone here who has had to struggle with chronic pain, seeking answers and just trying to have some sense of normalcy in our lives.

Chuck.. my prayers to you as well on your hearing. I am not looking forward to that battle.. I've had to battle with my health insurance enough over the years and there is only so much left in me.

Losses... hard not to thhik about.. I lost my mom this past March. She'd been sick for a very long time, she had MS and then untreatable bone cancer. My father has been gone for more than 20 years now this christmas, so her passing left that reality blow that your parenys are both gone.

It's not that surprising that my physical pain and own health took its major decline soon after. Again, our emotions are so tied to our health.

So.. heres to all of us for trying.. getting up every day and trying. Chuck.. avoid surgery if you can. I wish I could have.. but I had no choice.

Missy

12/ 5/07 11:30am

((BETTY)) how you feeling today ? Please see below my post to you and Chuck.

Massage today ?? boy could I use it. Okay its only 8:30 here.. I managed to walk 4 miles on treadmill, bake a batch of cookies and cookie bars.. I'm calling it a day !! LOLO need to go lie down.

Big hugs today (BETTY))

12/ 5/07 2:18pm

Missy,

4 miles! That's great..

i just got back from my 30 mins, oh what fun. Good thing this is good for us.

Gotta go lay down!

Chuck

12/ 5/07 11:34pm

Hello my friend Missy

I hope your busy morning did not give you higher pain for the rest of the day. 4 miles. I go for my one mile walk, which is twice around the schools walking path and that's about as good as she gets. Takes me 45 min to an hour to do it to. And then you did some baking? I must not have much heart, as I don't even try that stuff anymore. Not that I was much for baking anyway, but I was looking at some baking stuff in the grocery store, wishing I baked holiday cookies and fudge, magic bars, etc. I tried some lemon bars awhile back and they were so over done that they were awful. We had to toss them out to my Pot Bellied pig Rosie, she liked them though!

I'm really sorry to hear about your parents too. It's really hard to face the holidays with our family members gone and especially the ones so close to us. I think the first holidays are the very worst! Our fist christmas without Ryan was just awful, 2nd was not that great either, So when the 3rd rolled around, I decided we were going to make new traditional arrangements for our christmas mornings and day. Trying to stick to the same old tradition was like having to continually be reminded of him and his absence.

My other son Matthew has a really nice, sweet, wonderful girlfriend that they've been together for 5 years now in February, so we have her come up on christmas morning and my mom & sister too. We make a big breakfast with a few neat egg & sausage caseroles and this hashbrown dish, then we all open presents together that way, instead of Rod, matt & I opening our presents early and stare at one another because there used to be four of us. New traditions and making new memories was really a good thing for us to do.

I hope I did not hurt your feelings about the surgery thing, I know that hind site is 20/20 and If I were not married, and there was the slightest shot that surgery would make me better, because I had to support myself, as you have, I would of done it too. Thats a real cop-out on my part, but I had a husband to rely on and as of yesterday, it's been 26 years since we got married as just kids of 18. I cannot even believe our parents let us do that. Matt's nearly 21 and I cannot imagine him being married and have one child like his dad & I.

The message went well and she really worked hard on some new techniques and treatments that she's been taking classes to use on me. But they really upset my digestive tract and I've really had horrible cramping all afternoon. Every time she gives me a message, I can feel my stomach kick back into gear and I'll have gas bubbles and my stomach will growl when I'm on the table even, I'm always starving after my messages. I think the pain meds slow everything in the department down so slow that I never really feel that I'm digesting my food like I did before pain meds. I ran out of softners a couple days ago, as I pick them up with my monthly supply and my husband ran into the city to pick them up for me when I was having my message, so I think the cramps were just that my intestines had gotten active and things were moving along. Boy was in painful.

I'm still a little crampy now, but not nearly as bad as I was earlier.

Otherwise, I think she really did a great job and my overall spinal pain is much lower than it's been in the past 24 hours.

My poor husband probably thinks, What next will be wrong with her! He's at bowling night, so at least he's having some fun with his friends.

I am going to ask about Lyrica on friday when I see my primary care. I'm not sure what he'll say. I also don't know if taking Lyrica would change or take away some thing I'm on right now, so I'm just going to talk to him and see what he thinks.

He prescribes my pain meds for me, but when it comes to dosage changes, he has my Pain doctor make the changes. He said that his knowledge and use of pain meds at the dosage I'm on is limited and he just feels more comfortable if my pain doc makes the changes and then he follows her instructions for my pain med program. So I'm not sure if her will make any changes with my other meds without discussing it with her either? I used to take Gabapentin for a while, but it really did nothing for the pain, so I'm not sure if Lyrica will help either? I though I read something about it, that it works like an anti-seizure med, but I could be very wrong.

Well, It looks like I have more responses to get too, so I'll see or talk to you soon

Gentle Hugs to you too dear

Betty

12/ 6/07 11:29am

BETTTTYYYY

First... before I forget..I tried to send you an E mail on our other private chain yesterday and not sure if it went through cause my puter decided to crash at the sam time as I hit send .. did you get ??

Second.. many things to comment on.. but first.. HELLO OUT THERE !!! is there anything like Morphine Brain.. sigh.. You cant believe my morning already... I have noticed that my brain is a bit scattered since the implant of the pump.. I get up to do something.. forget what it is. start something.. and forget... sigh... so I try to pay attention.. so this morning.. after walking only 2 miles this morning.. did a few other things then went to take shower. As I was letting shower warm up I was multi tasking and cleaning the bathroom sink and decided to pur some CLR in it .. plug the drain and let some hot water fill up and soak to clean.. then I jumped in the shower and took my usual LOONG hot shower. I shut the shower off and could still hear water somewhere and my brain says "Oh S****".. yep ! I had left the sink running and now water is flodding my entire bathroom sink aread which is carpeted and into smal toilet area which is linolieum !! SIGH I am sooo mad at myself... this is new carpet too .. I've got a load of soaked towel in the washer machine right now... the carpet is just soaked.. !!

sigh.. okay.. now to the realstuff.. first I am not amazing !!! No more so than anyone here.. you included. and no hurt feelings about the surgery issue. I really had no choice.. single or not. the only thing my being single did impact, was my need to recover fast and return to work and over the past 2 years after the last surgery, to still return to work. Had I been married and been able to financially I would have thrown in the towel then. My surgeries though.. I really had no choice. I was in too much pain, havung neuro impacts and I had no choice. Sometimes you can put off or avoid surgery with physical therapy and I would recommend that to anyone if they can do it.. but I didnt have that opotion.

I appreciated all you shared about your son, his loss and how your family tries to cope with that loss. And yes, the holidays are the worst.. my dad died on Dec 22, he was the world to me.. losing him was and will alwasy be the most painful loss for me.. since his passing the holidays have been incredibly difficult and being alone only makes it worse. This will be the first xmas without mom and I think, like you .. it is important to try to do something a little different so as not to be mindful of the loss.

I have forced myself to decorate full out and do my baking... at least some lolo (more on that ) and at the least have some people over. My mom had 3 very close friends that I've known all my life.. gre up with their kids etc.. my "Aunts".. I've invited to come here for lunch next friday and I am hoping I can be in a good place..but as you know we have to pace ourselves. Thats what I find so frustrating.. I had to plan eah day and pace my day and even then I may wake up and not feel good and cant do anything. But having them over for lunch is really important to me.

Now.. the baking HA.. There was a time when I went into little martha stewart mode between thanksgiving and christmas and only then !! Baked non stop and had a freezer full of cookies and nut breads and made most everything from scratch...now sigh... Im lucky if I can bake using all mizes lolo... my cookies... go for the betty crocker cookie mixes in the puches.. I swear they are awesome.. and easy.. and I add things here and there to make them more home made !! Thats it... so far I havent even pulled out my mixer LOLO

Let me know what your doctor says about the Lrica. I know I could feel a difference in terms of helping a different pain than the opiods addressed.. but like you said, you may already be taking a med that may be working the same way.

Okay.. time to pull the towels out and put in the dryer !! ugh !! boy I hope that carpet dries... Ive got windows open et all...

More later... oh yea... the massage and your digestive track... hmm weird... but not the issue of slow moving digestive... Miralax.. try Miralax.. over the counter... seems to finally be working for me.. used to be persciption.. now over the counter

Bye for now

Missy.. flooded in Californi

12/ 6/07 11:26pm

Oh! Missy

what a disaster! LOL

Well, at least you don't have a husband screaming at you for ruining the bathroom floor or something stressful like that.

You sound so much like me. I think that I'm always in the Fibro-fog/morphine brain somthing or other?

Sometimes I do strange or forgetful things, and when my husband askes me what I was doing or thinking? I have no answer or anything for him. Sometimes I cannot even remember doing it.

The other day when I went to run errands, I stopped and wrote several checks and this morning when he was balancing the check book, he asked me where I wrote all these checks too and why I did not write the names in on the checks (we have carbons) and I had no recollection of who or what I wrote the checks too??? so that was the start of my morning It's a good thing that he puts up with all my annoying problems and issues, he said if you ever remember, I'd like to write them down.

I like you were very close to my father too. I had also thought that his passing would be the very worst grief that I would ever experience, not ever thinking of the posibility of my sons or my incredibly healthy husband that runs 40 miles a week. I thought for sure, I'd be gone a long time before they were. Boy was I wrong.

I'm really sorry about your dad & mom, it does not matter how old we get, it's still very painful for us all.

I'm certainly feeling up and down today. I have a fever for awhile and then it goes down, I eat or something and it goes back up? I don't know what's going on with me?

I've not decided on my apt yet either, but I guess I'll have to make a decision soon.

I'm sorry for the hassle for the water thing. Sometimes my silly lapses of memory are more distressing as they cause me to have to do more work to clean them up, than just having the mess.

If you have a small space heater, they work pretty well for such messes. I have one in the bathroom myself You can pick one up at Walgreens or Rite Aid for just a few bucks and they come in handy. When I'm too cold in the morning, I bring mine out here by my chair and get me warmed up. We know how bad getting cold is for us paniacs too.

Hope your having a better rest of the evening. Having your aunts over for lunch really sounds like a great idea! From their friendship with your mom, it will give you a peice of her that they carry with them. It will be really good and feel good inside, even if you have a bit of a meltdown with tears after they leave. Let yourself cry and remember, I'm only a couple of mouse clicks away!

Talk to you after bit

Betty

12/ 8/07 10:30am

Hey there betty.. my puter is about to crash here. I will E you later on our other board.. read your E mails.. forum idea sounds great.. I will E later.. puter is about to dump !

Arghhhh