AFTER BEING REALLY SICK FROM FIBRO AND A FEW OTHER ILLS, I HAD WHAT I LIKE TO REFER TO AS A REMISSION. FOR ALMOST FOUR YEARS I WAS DOING REALLY WELL, NUMBER OF DOCS, MANY RX RECIPES TO MANAGE MY PAIN LEVEL UNTIL THE RIGHT COMBO WAS FOUND. ONCE FOUND IT TOOK ME A YEAR TO REBUILD MY STRENGTH AND STANIMA UP AGAIN BUT I DID IT. I DON'T WANT TO GIVE THE IMPRESSION I WAS WELL, BUT BETTER, ENOUGH SO THAT I WAS ABLE TO EVEN TO RETURN TO WORK PART TIME. AS AN ARTISTS DOING WHAT I LOVE AND BEING PAID FOR IT. CAN YOU IMAGINE MY LUCK?
THEN THE DISAPPOINTMENT SET IN AGAIN!
AFTER THOSE GLORIOUS FOUR YEARS I AM BACK TO BEING AT A FULL TIME #7-8 PAIN LEVEL AGAIN. THEN QUITE OFTEN I HAVE THE BREAK THROUGH PAIN WHICH BRINGS THE NUMBER UP PAST 10. I KNOW THAT THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE ANY CHRONIC PAIN ILLNESS KNOW EXACLY WHAT I MEAN.
I'M FEELING AS IF I'VE LIVED THROUGH A DREAM AND WOKE UP IN HELL AGAIN. AS MUCH AS I TRY TO FIND THE POSITIVE IN THINGS THIS IS SOMETHING I AM STILL HAVING TROUBLE GETING PAST. YES, I AM BUMMED~ I KNOW WHAT I SHOULD DO ABOUT IT BUT AM AT A POINT WHERE I JUST DON'T CARE.
I FIND MYSELF HAVING A PITY PARTY FOR ONE AND SEEM TO BE ENJOYING IT. HOW SICK IT THAT?
I REALLY NEEDED TO SAY THAT OUTLOUD AND I THANK ANY OF YOU WHO ARE HERE READING THIS. I AM GRATEFUL FOR YOUR TIME AND EMPATHY.
GENTLE HUGS,
~ Tj ~
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