Sometimes I get funny looks when I use the word "caregiver" in reference to my role in Stacy's life.  Perhaps there is a more fitting word that describes what I do, and I just have not found it yet.  Yesterday a co-worker said to me "but you don't have to dress and feed her do you?  so how are you her caregiver?"   If she had an hour or two I might have been able to explain all the ways that I "care" for Stacy.   I could have told her about the nights I have found Stacy asleep at her keyboard because her pain was so out of control that total exhaustion was the only way for her to fall asleep. I would explain how it tears me apart to have to wake her up knowing that she may not get back to sleep.  I would have told her about the times I have held Stacy while she cried because we just spent six hours in the emergency room and once again another ER doc failed to adequately medicate her.  I have been there through all of her surgeries, and recoveries, not just to clean and dress her wounds, but to make sure that she was surrounded with flowers, and had just the right smoothies to drink.  I continue to be there when needed (and sometimes when not..HA!).  Stacy is not an invalid, nor is she incapable of taking care of herself.  What I give her goes beyond the physical.  I am her support system... her "go to" person when all else fails.  She knows that if she falls I am there to catch her.  If that is not a "caregiver" I don't know what is. 

Enough of that.  I heard a great saying today.  "Sometimes you plan and God laughs."  Boy did that hit me square between the eyes.  I had everything neatly planned.  My children would finish school, go to college, get married, and become productive citizens.  And of course they would provide me with outrageously cute grandchildren.  My perfect scenario never included chronic pain.  Which brings to mind another saying.  "Life is what happens while you are busy making plans."

Candy