Communication

We moved around a lot when my children were young.  In many ways it was very good for them, they were quick to make friends, and had a very close relationship with each other.  It was somewhere between high school and the onset of chronic pain that I started to notice a change.  Their father was not what I would call a hands on parent, and I watched them struggle for his attention.  As Stacy's medical needs escalated so did her interactions with her father.  My son viewed this as favoritism, and I believe unconsciously he thought that negative attention was better than none.  He didn't just drink at parties, he got a DUI, as well as a minor in possession charge; he didn't just experiment with drugs, he used them in earnest.  Bitter resentment caused the fights between my children to escalate out of control.  I was trapped somewhere in the middle.  

There were no lines of communication between my ex husband (their father) and myself and it only served to increase the problem.  We struggled with these issues for several years, it was not easy, but we are seeing light at the end of the tunnel, and will come out on the other side as better people.   We talk things through now, nothing is off limits, thoughts are better off verbalized rather than acted on in a negative way.  My children are growing up, and with that comes the maturity to realize that we can't control chronic pain, but we can control how we react to it. 

I would love to say that everything is perfect now, but it isn't, we still struggle and the fights continue, resentment rears it's ugly head.  The difference is that we discuss it now, and in the end we still love each other.   I am not a psychologist, and have to admit that I have never been to one.  Perhaps that is a mistake and we could have circumvented some of the problems we have had.  But you know what they say about hindsight.  I don't claim to have the answers to these issues.  I just want to verbalize them in the hope that if any of you out there are going through the same thing, you know you are not alone.  If by writing about my journey I can reach out and touch at least one person, then I have done well.  Thank you for listening, for sharing, and most of all for caring.

Candy