Leaving the Nest

As most of you know by now, my daughter Stacy has moved to San Francisco.  She has always been a bit of a bohemian, so it is a perfect place for her.  She loves the city, and it has been her dream to move back there.  Moving was quite an ordeal because Stacy is a charter member of the procrastinators club, and I am the queen of organization.  I promised my husband that I would NOT help her pack, she was on her own, and I meant it this time.  (Sure I did.) 

As usual everything went down to the wire, and in the end she packed, though I had to do some serious prodding.  (Actually it was more like aggressive nagging.)  I moved to a smaller place at the same time she was making her trip to San Francisco.  My husband is still in Alaska, and will be there until late August.  So, here I am alone... if you can call living with 3 dogs and a cat alone.  I thought at first it was going to be heaven.  I have several books that I want to read, sleep to catch up on and some old friends that I would like to see.  In actuality, it is terrible.  The silence is deafening.  I find myself worrying constantly about Stacy, the books have gone unread, sleep is not easy, and every time the phone rings I hesitate before answering it. 

My role of caregiver in Stacys life can't be changed by distance.  I know Stacy like a book... I know her habits, so when I see her online at 4 am I can only assume she is not feeling well.  I wonder if someone is there to take care of her... take her to the ER if she needs to go... give her a hug when a hug is needed.  My logical side understands why she is so far away. But my selfish side wishes she were back here.  Life was not perfect, but at least I knew Stacy was safe with me.  It is time for me to see her in a differrent light; she is an adult woman who really needs to be on her own, doing all the things that a woman her age should be doing.  I want this for her as much as she wants it for herself.  I am filled with emotions that are as mixed as a crazy quilt.  Sadness because I miss her, joy because she has finally achieved a sense of independence, fear because I can't be with her if she falls.

In closing I would like to say to Stacy...

Home is the place that catches you if you fall, the door is always open.  As you leave the nest once again, my gift to you are your wings... I know that you will soar to high places.   I love you.