update on pain and confusion

Hi everyone,

I haven't been on line for a while, a lot going on physically and family wise but thought that I would share what is going on and hope for some advice.

Since it's been so long I'll share some of my story again.  I was diagnosed with a non-malignant spinal cord tumor that is inoperable as the nerves are growing through and around it.  The tumor will eventually take the use of my legs and well the use of my body from about T11 down.  It seems that eventually is coming faster than I had hoped although I have told no one yet what is the point, I don't want my daughter's pity and the docs, can't do anything about it.

About a month ago I was walking through the house and my right leg just went numb it was like there was no leg and of course I fell, right into the wall.  I was alone and thought no frigging way not now I want more time the panic was beginning to rise but I held it back and just layed there eventually the feeling came back and I was able to get up.  Now this has been happening pretty frequently and I'm beginning to realize the tumor must be on the move again and is pushing or crushing the nerves to my legs, I feel sad and angry but I knew this was going to happen I just didn't know when, ticks me off though I have to much to do and dang it I want my legs!!  Okay enough complaining it's life and what I was dealt and I need to make the best of it.  Maybe I'll run over someone with my wheel chair and of course I want a motorized one!!!

Family life ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh what can I say?  So much so much.  My dear now gone soon to be son in law was diagnosed as being bi-polar in january after he went nuts (okay he was what they call manic but it's nuts all the same) took his jeep stole gas and stole gas all the way to Reno, we live in central Oregon.  He got arrested about 3/4 of the way there for gas and go and DUII but the police let him go and gave him a temp license (go figure) after partying in Reno for four days he begged and pleaded to my daughter to come home he would go back on his meds and be fine.  Well, being women and learning to be an enabler like her mother (I learned my lesson but it took a long time) she took him back and he was fine until the beginning of May when he decided that everyone else was nuts he wasn't and went off his meds.  My daughter fails to understand that this man is an alcoholic on top of the bi-polar.  He was drinking heavy and not taking his meds when he walked out the front door and instead of taking his car stole mine (it wasn't stealing mind you he just borrowed it without asking)  He got as far as Susanville CA., which is about 2 hours or so out of Reno when he in his drunkeness totaled my CAR!  I soooooooooo wanted him arrested but no being the good mom and listening to my daughter I didn't.  But as soon as he hitchhiked to Reno he thought people were laughing at him and tried to beat them up and landed in jail anyway.  When he finally talked to my daughter he fessed up to a few things, besides stealing my car he had been stealing my pain meds, and money from our stash that we keep for emergencies.