Thank you to everyone who responded to my previous posts. I think the past few months have been trying to prepare me for what was coming. I have been able to find more more pain than I thought possible. My left leg from hip to toes has been spasming since December 22. That day my husband took me to the ER. The doctor there was kind and respectful to what was going on. He gave me some reasonable pain medication, in fact he was the first to give me proper medication. So, I actually felt quite well over Christmas. That was it. I saw my doctor the other day and he sneared and said, people who take that level of pain medication should be dying of cancer etc.
In the meantime, I am starting to feel sad, and I am on effexor! I am afraid for my life. I am afraid of losing my handsome, active caring husband, because this sucks for him too. He has found some entertainment that does not include me, but I still fear. Everyone looks at me as though thinking, "what is it now..."
I read somewhere recently that the #1 cause of death among people with chronic pain was suicide. Don't get me wrong I am NOT suicidal at all. But I understand what they are saying. Life is constant pain, and I feel like I am watchingit go by.
I love my husband and my kids with my whole heart, soul, fibre and being. I just wish I didn't feel like such a burden to them. 
Carnie
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