trying to improve my situation

well i tried to upload a couple of photos but for some reason it says theres problems with my photos so please forgive me.see i have had a total of 33 abdominal surgeries and 27 of them are for foriegn objects due to stabbings.AT DIFFERENT TIMES.last july the worst of them all.i had to have life prolonging surery.(thats whqt the surgeon called it because he said i would be dead in three to four days so this was just so i could say good bye)i had feces and blood pouring out of the wound and filling my abdominal cavity.i dont know how but 10 days later i walked out on my two feet.i had a major portion of my large bowel removed and repairs to other organs.one week after release i developed three abcesses spent a week in the hospital and a week after that developed a major bowel obstruction.worse due to all the damage and adhesions i am on pain management and am constantly going to the hospital for different developments caused by the adhesions,the worse of it is the chronic constipation that nothing seems to help and is getting worse with time and meds less effective and that is causeing more pain requireing more meds causeing more constipation.a doctor awhile back said i will be bed ridden by forty and at first i thought ya right,but now i am so scared it will come to be and worse i will have a coloscopy bag from the complications and my chance at active let alone love life will be gone for-ever.but i am going to school to learn to be a psychologist so i may be more helpful at trying to understand and overcome my illnesses and become a doc so i may be able to help others who suffer(hope to be fully in remission from the psyc.disorders..doubtful)from issues which keep them from succeeding in a productive and happy life,particularly adolecents.see i have alot of pain i am getting thru and each day is a challenge(we're speaking of the mental now) to find what is the underlying cause except it,deal with it and try to move on from it before it cause's me to atempt another chance for death to have his way with me.i am very graphic people when it comes to my discriptions cause if i am not i dont feel one can truly grasp the issue at hand and how it effects me.i am now involved with my childrens life pretty much on a daily basis although only by phone and if i want more i got to get over all this dont i.of late though my physical pain and my adhd has been makeing it severely worse.adhd some of you might ask?well its attention defficet(hyperactivity)disorder so i dont sit still and this flairs up my adhesions very much and let me tell you..when they catch man do they catch.i am on methadone for the pain and personally as my primary pain med it works alot better and it doesnt cause me to crave other narracotics,but when most docs hear that med they get real distant because of its links to treatment of heroin addiction so its a touchy med.but here's the catch the doctor i had has done two test on me and i have pasted them both plus others and he dropped me.well come to find out he was running a mildy sensitive test that works on most but for some reason unexplainable dont cut it with me so i am now in search of a doc willing to prescribe that med.see i can get vicodin or any of that stuff all the way up to morphiene sulfate but they really dont work even at very large doses and on everyday basis for the length of time the methadone will be safer on my body and the side effects compared to vicodin and some morphiene meds containing tylenol or ibuprofen.but meds are only half the treatment!!!!!!!!!i am now walking everyday and want to start lifting wieghts and doing some running.increasing my physical well being will in the end ease my pain and prolong my bed ridden destiny.so if there is anyone who can be of help with mental support to any degree you can tollerate interacting with me i am more than appreciative even for just condsidering and reading this.so please feel free to comment and i will answer all remarks that i recieve.i could not do this otherwise,and for anyone who wants to know a more detailed version with a how and when type of narration i am up for that too.i have made alot of progress and right now all of you have to know that without my mother i would of been lost a long time ago and in many ways is a hero to me.so if you ever read this mom thank you and i do love you aven though i am so ignorant at times.i lve you!!! and last but not least CARPE DIEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!