Living with chronic pain and family members!!!!

Written by

Fri, February 19, 2010

I have been in pain that has increased over 30 years. I have fibromyalgia and numerous other problems. Approx. 8 months ago I had a Medtronic pump installed. It has been 8 months and I am on my third medication without good results. Talk about depression. I am on two different antidepressents. It has become so hard to face the day each morning. I don't want to go anywhere for fear of pain and fatique. My family finds it so hard to deal with me.They keep trying to cheer me up and get me going.Nothing helps. I have 3 grown sons who have always fould it hard to understand. I am 60 years old and am tired of all of this. Does anyone want to share? Maybe it will help to know I am not alone.

Comments (6) | Add comment

Notify me when there are new comments

beanie

2/20/10 10:46am

simliewen.....really well written and to the point....i don't know what your chronic pain situation is but i have been in constant and debilitating (8) pain for 20 years after having three cervical fusions with my vertebrae being wired leaving me with the domino effect and serious degeneration at every cervical level...herniated discs,bulging discs,stenosis,radiculopathy,occipital neuralgia, and on we go....i do "look good" every day and try to do one event a day (could be 5 minutes or a few hours)...some people are probably not even aware of the pain i go to sleep with, wake up to, and endure all day,every day...WE DON"T HAVE ANY OPTIONS other than to smile and participate in life...i have a fabulous pain management team who never doubt the degree of my suffering and a wonderful wife, two daughters,and three grandchildren who don't need to share my pain....sometimes i wish i had a huge bleeding,oozing hole in the side of my neck. so people could "see" my pain...but i despise pity and appreciate understanding.....i DO love the snow and the chirping birds and people always thought of me (and probably still do) as the most optimistic person they know...you sound pretty optimistic too!! i get strength from knowing there are others out there in the same rotting boat that i'm in..you're not alone.....beanie

musgrave

2/25/10 4:53am

I can understand your frustration. No one, not even the closest family member, can know what the pain is like.There is always a lack of understanding and a suspicion that one is "crying wolf". It detracts from family relationships.

However I have learnt to control my pains from PHN, arthritis and several other conditions by the use of PEMF therapy. This is pulsed electro-magnetic field therapy, once only provided by special clinics. You can now get a portable self treatment device which I have found to be effective in pain removal, even relieving night cramps in both legs. It,s not cheap, but certainly worth it for the pain free times that I now have.

musgrave - africanfunshine@mweb.co.za

Earth Angel

2/25/10 10:51am

This is the 1st time I have visited this site.I have been going through a life of pain myself..I was in a very bad car wreck in 1982.It is hard to put in words what I feel each day.I hurt so bad each day I wake up.Along with that comes depression.I was blessed to have had 2 sons and wonderful parents.Trying to have someone feel what you do is impossible.I lost both of my sons each one passed at the age of 19.I lost my parents in between my sons.I wish I could help you with more answers.The pain I have gone through I feel is enough to last 10 people 10 lifetimes.My heart goes out to you.I just wanted to share my story from someone else who lives in pain everyday.Words can not describle how I feel.May God Bless you with each breath you take.

alicia

2/25/10 11:19am

Hi there! I am 35 yrs old and went 15 yrs with untreated diabetes. I now have severe nueropathy in feet and legs and when I wake in the morning I just hurt all over like I have been hit by a mac truck if I overdo it the day before! I know how hard it is to deal with the pain...sometimes I just sob my heart out and wait for meds to tick in! I do not get more than an hr or two at a time of sleep and am very sleep deprived. I have new meds and new Dr's so I am optimistic..I am so sorry u do not have an understanding family because that is so important. It is horrible having this kind of pain and no one believing that it is real. It angers me and makes me very mad at my fiance when he makes comments like your a hypochondriac or some such stupid comment. I recently had an EMG done and Dr stuck 4 in needle into my shin and I felt nothing. So at least now I know for sure this is not in my head. My sister almost passed out when she saw him do this. I know people say to ignore what other people think but that is MUCH easier said than done. We need to be focusing on dealing with the pain NOT on proving to our loved ones that it exists! What a buch of BS!!! I even doubted in my head that this was real...was I making it out to be worse than it is? Am I just a pansy? Do I really need these pain meds or am I just seeking a high? These kinds of thoughts are created by our friends and loved ones. How awful for them to do this to us! Dont we have enough to deal with? WOW...got that off my chest but it really makes me mad that people are so insensitive! Allow acceptance and shoo away self pity it is useless! Focus on anything that IS good in ur life. We are loved by Him and He knows our heart and that is all that matters. I am here for you so please email me...I need encouragement ALL the time and would love to hear from you!

Kathy

9/24/11 8:32pm

Alicia:)

How did they finally find out you had Diabetes? I am wondering if I am not going thru the same thing right now. I have chronic pain and numbness down both of my legs and I often have tremors but they can't find out what is wrong with me. I recently had a pain pump put in. When I was talking about my systoms one day they said their sister went thru the same thing in the end she had diabetes. When I go back for a check up I am going to ask to be tested.

swtjeannie

2/27/10 10:12am

Dear Simplie,

I'm a 52 y/o chronic pain sufferer first diagnosed with scoliosis @ 13. By 19 my bouts came and went. I didn't finish college and consequently had to use my body instead of my mind in menial employment thus taxing my already genetic diseases, (degenerative disc disease and arthritis). I also have fibromyalgia and bursitis in both hips which can be debilitating to say the least. I've been blessed with an incredibly supportive husband who tries not to judge, but there are days that I'm sure he feels overburdened with work outside the home, who then on my "bad days" has to make dinner once he's here.

I initially had doctors in the 70's and 80's who misdiagnosed me simply with acute depression and said that I was just "one of those people who hurt". I was made to feel that they didn't believe me. With persistence and actually nothing else to do, I went doctor shopping until I found someone who would take me seriously. Through trial and error I'm on a regimen that controls my pain pharmacologically, although I still have to be careful of my daily activities. Something as simple as carrying a load of laundry or vacuuming can stir up my lower back and sciatica. I can't stand at the sink and comfortably peel enough potatoes for salad or mashed. There is something about repetative upper body movement that sets my lower back off.

I'm sorry I seem to be digressing. To answer your initial question, I think one thing that we chronic pain sufferers experience is feeling that we're at the very least not taken very seriously and more times that not, not believed and like you said, very much alone.

I think back 25 years to when my husband asked me to marry him and I did tell him that I had "bad bones" and didn't know what my future health might bring and he slipped the ring on anyway so like I said earlier in my rambling, I'm extremely blessed.

I want you to know however that you are not alone, otherwise there would not be this venue with which to meet, converse and learn.

Do any of your grown children still live with you? Are they of any assistance?

I myself have an adopted 13 y/o which is an entirely different show, but challenging in its own right. On my "bad days" when I cry out to get off a chair or couch he's the first to ask if I'm alright so I know that in the big picture God has his hand on me and my family. I also have a dear friend just blocks away who underwent a metal rod surgery for her scoliosis at about 13 y/o so I at least have some local empathy. What part of the world are you in? I'm in N.E. Fla. transplanted from Ohio. My e-mail should show in this mailing so feel free to write to me anytime. I'd be more than happy to talk to you anytime when you're feeling overwhelmed or just plain lousy. You naturally can write on good days too!

I'd be remiss to mention that I'm a 5 year survivor of breast cancer and am at the final stages of my reconstructive surgery. For that I'm extremely grateful to God. I know that sometimes we wonder why we must endure this daily, sometimes unbearable pain but I think that perhaps we have a message to carry to new chronic patients or loved ones or even those like ourselves needing support of other sufferers. Please don't hesitate to write if my letter has touched you in any way and let me know if it helped. My e-mail is open.

With His love,

Jeannie

I just noticed upon information needed to post this that my e-mail will not be posted so here it is...swtjeannie@yahoo.com

Living with chronic pain and family members!!!!

Ask a Question

Health Centers