It is so hard to reach down and and think when things are in such an upheaval in my body . My thoughts always seem to go back to the pain , sickness and how am I going to just make it through . My mind and spirit being in a good place from all of my work starts to erode again . My wellness being tested again starts to slowly melt away like the wax from the dipped layers of a candle that started with just the thin wick . The long thin wick being the beginning my journey and had recently been dipped in many different layers and colors of hope and wellness . I have worked so hard to build up my wellness layer after layer with exercising , stretching , eating well , with physical therapy and massage .

With every layer of wellness like a  candle can melt changing the colors , size and shape of my hope . The flame flickering against the breath of hope never burns evenly or fairly  . Through every layer I fight to blow out the flame to keep the wellness that I have built up around me  . Every layer had been dipped very careful and pain stakenly slow to accumulate enough healthy layers to make the candle and me stronger . The wick was so thin and fragile to start with , now strong enough after many layers wellness to try and shine a new way for me . My voice of reason and how hard I worked physically and mentally used to be the breath of air thats decided when to blow the destructive fire from my candle . Working to  keep the flames away hoping to keep the wax and wellness from melting off to keep me well and whole a while longer .

The journey has become the size , shape and  colors of the candle and is forever changing .  A single candle with the different layers of protection being dipped over pain and illness . The candle was being built up over time trying to make a whole beautiful candle of wellness . When lit with pain and illness it melts down the sides forever changing who and how I am .

As the wellness begins to melt further and drip down the sides of what holds my candle , hope it exposes my wellness in yet a darker different way . It is then I have the choice to try and make a beautiful piece of art work with the drippings or let it become a mess of all the layers and wellness running together creating nothing from all of my hard work . I keep trying  to shine and keep the flame of destruction away and make new layers of different colors .  After each layer has melted down it becomes harder to get the wellness to stay . I have to keep reminding myself of the building up and tearing down we do before you have a really great finished product . This product the candle of wellness is never really finished . It's beauty will only and always be in the eye of the beholder . Its beauty and colors for ever changing makes me wonder if it is all worth it .