Karen,
You are so right about friends falling away. I had a couple of good friends when I was still working who no longer contact me. I tried reaching out to them, but understand their lives are full. I do have a friend in the apartment complex I live in, and, although she is able to be more active that I am, we talk often and enjoy each other's company.
Thank you for the good post!
patsy
Great post and woderful reminders to us all. I am currently working through the toxic relationship issue. My partner is exactly how you discribe a toxic friend. Ever since I was diagnosed with RA, our relationship has been diving to low depths and it has been extremely painful for me. I really take your post to heart. Thank you.
Thank you Karen for your great article about relationship tips. As I come up on my 14th anniversary of being a chronic pain patient here in a few weeks, your article reminded me of my own failed and successful attempts at gaining and holding onto friendships. You certainly do find out who your "true" friends are as well as redefining how you want to go about finding new ones.
Making lasting friendships with other chronic pain patients has been a very important as well as rewarding part of my life. Not only do I feel that they understand my pain and day to day issues better, but I feel that I have become a better, more caring and sympathetic friend myself by understanding their needs as well.
I've also come to learn that I've hurt some of my friends over the years without even realizing I was doing so. One of my dearest and oldest friends confided in me that I had hurt her very much by basically cutting her off from my life. During my worst years, when I didn't want anyone to see me the way I was; hurting, depressed, bedridden, just plain yucky! (I'm sure you've been there yourselves and know what I mean.) I didn't want to see anyone, or I should say, I didn't want anyone to see me that way, irregardless of my friendships with them. It never doned on me to think that I was hurting anyone at the time. My "true" friends didn't care how I looked. They missed me and only wanted to be there for me and help me in anyway they could. At the time, even though I now know I was hurting them, I needed for them to respect my wishes to be left alone. I don't know if this was the healthiest thing for me, but I do know I needed that space. I'm not saying it was a right or wrong way to feel, be it myself or my friends, I just thought I would bring that point up in case anyone else had or was going through the same issues.
And to the young cancer victim left holding the tickets, I hope he is able to enjoy this year's Superbowl, spending it with someone he can truly call his real friend!!
I often tell the newly diagnosed that friends and family can be your biggest allies or your greatest source of frustration. You are right about keeping comments about your health to a minimum. It can make them feel so helpless and depressed. And sometimes they don't understand that you are not going to get better (healthy). It is hard to comprehend that your life is a series of good and bad days.
Reta
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I agree with this article. It is exactly "on the money" when talking about the types of friends and how many fall away from you as you are no longer able to interact with them. It is a depressing thing at first as these people were like family when one was able to interact with them. I feel it doesn't hurt to call or drop a card in the mail to at least keep in touch.