Living in a body that works against itself.

Chronic Fatigue is worse than pain for the debilitating effects it has had on my life since diagnosis in 1992. The severity of the disease has been a struggle since then. For all the years of no energy, sensitivity to light and sound, poor memory, and so on, my panic attacks turned into depression. Having to climb out of bed with the assistance of a built in bookcase back in 1999 was dreadful. At the time my daughter was 9 and my son 4 years old. Not being able to pick up or carry my baby for long periods was difficult. Not being able to play with my kids was heartwrenching. Not having people who understood my illness was isolating. I was treated with anti inflammatory meds that didn't help then I was in a car accident on top of it all and treated with the morphine patch for severe back pain followed by vicodin that didnt help at all.

Through all of this the general population has no idea what CFS is or how debilitating it can be. I dont even tell people I have it anymore because explaining it can be difficult. When I park my car and put up my hanicapped sign the looks I get from people are hurtful, just because I dont look sick does not mean I dont suffer from a disease with no cure.

Diet and homeopathic remedies had helped for a few years but that became costly. I maintain bloodwork so I know how severe it is at times but we know those tests dont always paint the true picture of what we struggle with. I have learned to limit my physical activities because of the fatigue that ensues, with the knowledge that if I do over exert my self, I will suffer recoup time of 3 days. I am now on Lexapro for depression, seroquel for sleep and since my hysterectomy my back pain has subsided. I still throw it out sometimes and my sciatica acts up as well. I still struggle with my CFS and severe and obnoxious night sweating, muscle cramps, vertigo, sensitivity to light and sound, poor short term memory, concentration, numbness in hands and feet, joint pain and headaches. My body has worked against itself for all these years but I somehow manage. My children were my strength and God my salvation. To all of those who live with chronic pain and suffering God bless you.