How Do I Blend Chronic Pain and High Demand Work?

Good Morning,

I am in year 18 of chronic back pain, complicated by the lasting mental effects of a concussion I got 2+ years ago. My profession is a professional fundraiser for well known educational institutions (Milton Academy, Mount Holyoke College, and Boston University among others). I have been "laid off" 5 times in the last 17 years starting from the onset of my chronic pain. I have been unemployed since my latest "layoff" for 7 months and counting. I have been fighting against the idea that I am disabled, but am now certain that my pain, and the mental effects of dealing with it, have been at the root of my career instability. Given my financial obligations, primarily a mortgage and supporting my wife who is paying 80% of education loans for her kids, my stepchildren, I am constantly stressed by continuing to pull my weight in the family and managing the physical and mental stresses of my pain.

My questions are:

a) In the pain vs. work dichotomy, have you been successful handling the stresses of high demand work with your pain issues? If so, how?

b) What role do (does) medication(s) play in your protocol?

c) Are you able to maintain an intimate relationship given the challenges of your personal issues? My wife is ready to divorce me because she thinks I am addicted to my medications; I believe I am still managing my pain so as to be able to be an equal partner in our household. We are not communicating at all about this, and she has for all intents said "get off your meds, or our marriage is over." I know my personal situation is just that, but any information in this area might broaden my perspective.

I live in Boston, so am looking for options in this area. If anyone can help with these questions and my profile, I would appreciate it greatly.

Many Thanks,

Paul Levinson