looking for friends who i can relate to i feel alone please help
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Feeling Alone with Pain
Denise Coleman
Monday, May 25, 2009 at 02:19 PMre: Feeling Alone with Pain
edith
Monday, May 25, 2009 at 06:58 PMthank u denise for you wonderful advise, it means the world to me that u took the time to look at my post and responded to it. im so alone and in so much pain i have a 4yr old and a wife and i cant even move let alone walk im disabled and try my best to be good mom. i have fibrom,chronic fat,spinal stenosis,spinal spondylosis,4 bulging disc, tmj,osteoarthr,ra,ms. i cant believe im alive and i truly dont know how i do it but i do i spend a lot of time crying alone away from every one my husband does not understand and sometimes i think he does not care or is tired of it. but i live for my son that is who matters my boy. im looking for friends please if u have time msg me it helps alot to know someone cares. edith
re: re: Feeling Alone with Pain
Denise Coleman
Thursday, July 30, 2009 at 05:33 PMHi Edith, I hope you are doing okay and have been able to find some peace this summer. I want to thank you for your comments and just to see how you are holding up. when I read your comment I could hear the loneliness you are experiencing come though. Have you found a pain group you can participate in? Many people find it helpful to meet with others who are experiencing the same or similar physical problems and are willing to share their feelings, as well as their experiences and ideas for handling issues that they have faced due to their pain. There are many ways to find such a group, either through an organization that represents a specific illness that you have or go to www.painfoundation.org and work through the various topics they offer.
Let me know how you are doing, okay? I'm thinking of you. Denise
re: Feeling Alone with Pain
Holly
Thursday, July 30, 2009 at 04:37 PMExcellent advice, Denise. I have been living with chronic pain for(ever) many years as well. I spent much of my senior year of high school in traction, and then, when up, in a full spinal brace that did not allow for much in the way of "fashion!" That further isolated me, at that horrible, yet tender age! I try very hard to find things that engage my whole being--about the only times I can get lost, and away from my pain, are when I am doing things that are inherently dangerous! And so, that is not good. My daughter jokingly suggested I take up motor cylce riding, since that was so dangerous...but down hill skiing, and welding steel are the two things that allow me to get completely removed from my pain. However, I live in South Florida, and can only afford to go skiing twice a year...and I am no longer in school studying sculpting, so do not weld any more. But those are the kinds of things I recommend...hobbies or sports (that one can still do) that engage the whole mind--concentration, and yes, even fear, help remove one from the pain. God bless us all and good luck!!
re: re: Feeling Alone with Pain
Denise Coleman
Thursday, July 30, 2009 at 05:28 PMIt does seem that we have a lot in common. I spent several months of my senior year in a partial body cast and years in a back brace that had these metal bars that went from the top to the bottom and every time I bent over the rods would stand up straight, and long with it whatever blouse or top I had on. Very attractive! Plus I continued to be in pain!
The loss we feel with pain and almost any chronic condition that limits what we can do can be as emotionally painful as our spinal condition can be physically painful. I agree with you that it is important to stay busy and to keep up with whatever you enjoy doing and can still do.
And if you are looking for ways to reach out and help others in pain, visit www.painfoundation.org and specifically the Power Over Pain Action Network, which I have become involved with and enjoy being connected with others who understand chronic pain and are committed to helping others in pain.
Good luck to you and thanks for your comment.
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I'll be your friend
Scooter
Monday, June 01, 2009 at 04:52 PMI'll be your friend. I know what it is like to feel alone. I've lost friends just because I have to take narcotic pain meds to even get out of bed. Chronic pain took a lot from me. I lost my job and my home along with losing friends. I even have family members who have backed away. Feel free to write private messages to me if you would like to. Only people in chronic pain understand what we are going through. I wish you the best. Scooter
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I am so sorry that you are in pain and feeling isolated, but I am not surprised. I have lived with chronic back pain for 45 years from a spine problem and have had 4 major surgeries as a result. I think I have experienced every emotion possible as a result of my chronic pain, which I realized early on that my family and friends could not understand or relate to because they didn't experience it. Isolation was a familiar feeling when I was growing up and everyone else was out playing and I was in traction, braces, or for several months in my senior year in high school a partial body cast. In the mid 1990's I was also diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, a progressive and often disabling disease of the Central Nervous System, which is also very difficult to understand if you don't experience the strange symptoms.
I want to make a few suggestions to you;
1. Depending on what is causing your pain, see if there is a disease related organization that organizes support groups. Many, such as the MS Society, have both in-person and online groups.
2. Go to www.painfoundation.org for information about pain, treatments and other issues related to coping with your pain. On the left side of the screen click on Manage Your Pain, which will provide you with a list of other resources that can help you connect with people and activities. Or you can click on Publications to order any of the various brochures or booklets the Foundation produces.
3. Try to stay involved in something you find interesting, especially if you don't or no longer can work. Whether it is a hobby, volunteer work, or just getting out to visit friends, it is important that you don't isolate yourself even more than the pain will. Do something that isn't related to your pain, it's not going to fix the pain but it might help take your mind off it, even a little, for a while. I used to laugh when people told me this, thinking that they don't understand how bad my pain is, if they did they'd know I can't take my mind off it. No, the pain is there but I learned I don't have to make it the center of my life, my conversation, my relationships, etc. And I found I could enjoy doing things again.
And of course you can write about how you are feeling here. Tell us about how your pain is impacting your life and what you are doing to alleviate that, or find something else to do instead. Maybe writing will be a hobby you can enjoy, but it sometimes helps just to "talk" to others who understand.
Good luck,
Denise