Patty

Health Interests

Patty has not shared any health interests.

Drugs I am Taking

Patty has not shared any drug information.

About Me

Hi! I just joined this website in the hopes of learning from others and sharing experiences. I really could use some help right now. I am 34 yrs old and am living with chronic acute pain in my lower back, legs, groin, and now neck. I was injured at age 24 in an accident, leaving my spine in a complete mess...you name it, I've got it in my lowerback from L1 to S1 and in my neck crom C1 to C7. I've tried several surgeries, therapies, injections, accupuncture, reiki, massage, pool therapy, countless pain meds, and even a spinal cord stimulator. Nothing has helped. I had to stop working altogether at age 27 due to the pain. I have been unable to return to work since then. I am married to my husband for the past 4 yrs. He loves me and we've been together for 8yrs. He knew me before my accident, and stayed with me despite of it. He loved me then and he still loves me now. However, now, he wants children and doesn't know if he can accept his life without having a child. He wants kids badly. I would love to have kids, however I cannot carry a child nor care for a child due to my severe and degenerating condition. (yes we've thought of adoption and are fine with it....its the caring of the child, not having one that is the problem). Its hard b/c we both want kids, but I do not want them enough to risk further injury to myself nor make my medical situation worse. I do not want to be forced to take more meds that are already dangerous enough to me so that to perhaps function more to care for a child. Adoption would be our only choice but its the caring and raising of the child that worries me. Men do not seem to understand that there is more to having a child than just adopting or just getting pregnant. The women, the moms...they are the ones who always have to do almost everything. Its the way it is...no matter how loving and helpful your husband is, it always comes down to us women, being the caretakers for everyone. And I am the one who has and needs a caretaker to begin with to help me function day to day. Who's going to care of the child when I am unable to take care of myself most days? My hubby thinks a nanny is the answer, but we cannot afford fulltime childcare...and when I mean fulltime I mean 24/7, round the clock. My functioning and mobility status is a huge obstacle, but the pain is even worse. If my problem was only that I could not walk or could not do certain tasks, than I would try to find a way around it. But unfortunately, and at this time, there is no way around the pain...my pain. The pain that keeps me from doing soooooo much in life. The pain that changes moment to moment from horrbile to terrible to excrutiating and debilitating all in a moment. I cannot keep any kind of schedule no matter how much I try. Its not to say that I surrender to the pain or I have given up, but I do my best, and my best does not allow for me to take care of a child the way I would want to and the way the child would need. I do not want to be in pain, strung out on all my meds, and have a nanny raise my child while my hubby is at work. I know that if it weren't for my condition, we would already have a child of our own. But because of my circumstances, I cannot see how it is physically possible for us to have a child together, when I will not be able to care for it properly. I want kids but not at the expense of my health worsening. I know it sucks, I know lots of women would choose to have a child at all costs, but I am not one of those people. I know I can live a life very happily without having a child. I can live with the regret of not having a child. However, I can not live with having a child and regretting having one. I do not want to make that mistake...its not fair to the child, not fair to me, nor to my husband. My husband knew that not having kids was a huge possibility when we married, but he wanted to be with me anyhow. He himself had a medical issue when he was younger which left him potentially unable to reproduce. He always said that it didn't matter...that he loved me, he loved our life together and all he wanted was us to be together. But now he says he needs to be a father..he wants to be a father, but I cannot do that for him. I want to, but I do not want more physical pain...I do not want to get worse. I have worked long and hard to try to keep from getting worse, doing what I can, trying my best in all I do. But now, it seems that no matter how much he loves me, it may not be enough. So much for loving uncondtionally, marrying for better for worse and in sickness and in health. Apparently our marriage has coniditons as he needs a child and is willing to leave me if that's the case. He doesn't want to leave me. I do not want him to leave..I wish I could turn back time before my accident and pretend it never happened. I wish I could wave a magic wand, make the pain go away and have kids, but that is not the reality. I cannot. So what do I do? I don't know. I am so lost. I am hurting now more than ever, and I am not just talking about physical pain. Is there anyone out there who knows what I am going thru? I sure could use some advice, some help, someone to talk to. Please. Thank you for taking the time to read. I appreciate it a lot. -Patti