chronic back pain

hi, my name is cindi, and i have had chronic back pain for almost 3 years. i was walking across the road, a person hit me and ever since then i have been going to a pain clinic for a diagnose as to why my back is in excruitiating pain. i have gone thru tests, chripractor(didn't work after a short while), a physical therapist, a counseling therapist, injections (9) 9not fun AT ALL), pain meds (lots of pain meds in the beginning, i felt like a zombie) sure i was out of pain but i didn't DO anything! i was taking 150 fentanyl patches, 180mg. oxycontin 2x daily, so because i was just laying around doing NOTHING, in a haze most of the time, i decided to go offf the oxycontin (DO NOT DO THIS WITHOUT YOUR DOC"S HELP!!!) i went thru such horrible withdrawals , i thought i was going to die, at one point i think i asked the big guy, just to take me:), well when i went to the doc at the pain clinic the next time , she started writing out a script for oxy, i told her not to because i had gone off them, bot did she have a hissy fit!, she sent me to the therapist right then and there, they didn't know what to do, take me off the progam or what?? so they decided i would have all the injections i had already had, which had not helped in the past (my punishment for going OFF a medication????) and decided to cut my fentanyl patches down to 50mg! from 150 mg. to 50mg., you can imagine, first i went thru some withdrawal and it did NOTHING at all for the pain. i went to have a second opinion, and he thought i was DRUGSEEKING, after i went OFF a drug. make sense? i think not, so back to the pain clinc, i am now going thru the injections, just so they will prescribe the fentanyl, i do not want to go thru withdrawal again, and now i feel if i ask her if she can go higher on the fentanyl, she will also thiink i am drugseeking. i feel so bad and scared because of the drugseeking thing. the real drugseekers have really ruined it for the people that are in real pain. i go to the clinic today and want to ask her to up my fentanyl and to give me something for the breakaway pain (hte fentanyl doesn't last all day, i don't care what anyone says, maybe for some people and i am glad for them , but not for me. i have also gained 20(!) pounds , and they said it was probably from the steroids they use in the injections. oh, great not only do i have to deal with this dang pain but now i have to go otu and buy anew bigger wardrobe:):). i do not want to take the injections anymore, i have come to terms that if i need pain meds, than i need them (my son told me once to "man up" they just don't get the pain i am in, most nites i cry myself to sleep,if i sleep at all. i just wish they would find out either what is wrong with my back or give me the right amount of pain  meds. now that i have bored you all to tears:), i will sign off, thanx sooooo much for listening, cindi