Giving up Chocolate...For good.

I have Interstital Cystitis, so chocolate is really bad for me and has even worse side effects. The problem with chocolate is I have been eating it for 21 years now, many of those years without the problems it now causes. Knowing its bad for me, and feeling the pain from it doesn't just teach me a lesson, likely everyone else would learn their lesson from the intense bordering on ten out of ten pain with the inability to urinate for hours but have such urgency pushing against your bladder until you can't even lay down to escape it- pain,- but not me. I wonder if I just like pain? Maybe, I just love chocolate enough to suffer through the pain five thousand times, until well I can no longer handle living with the effects. So here I am, giving up one of my great loves and comforts. I shouldn't even want to look in the diretion-nay think about chocolate in any way, shape, or form.

Sadly it isn't that easy. They proved surger has addictive properties akin to heroin, so can you blame a girl for having problems getting off it...oh sorry, young lady. I do, I see it as my own lack of willpower, my own personal failure, and my own fault when I can't move because it will cause spasms of even sharper pain to radiate from my bladder out.

 I suffer, but more then that it makes the people with me suffer too. I can't do housework. I can't do more then be.. erm...witchy...Yes, that works. I am witchy, I am crying, my emotions are every way but the correct way, and they don't know if they can joke around me, or if I am going to verbally maul them because I am in such pain I cannot stand being around anyone or anything.  

So I am giving it up. I recently seen that Carob is a good substitute for chocolate. I can have white chocolate but other then a bag of M&Ms I once came across I have never seen any white chocolate candy anywhere. So Carob it is. Additionally I can have licorice and anything natural flavored but not acidic. So basically if I want candy (which isn't healthy anyway, so I shouldn't persue it,) I get Carob covered cardboard with a side of honey flavred licorice. That is, not much. Maybe if I could use the alternatives, I could get off chocolate and wean myself off the less harmful candy when I am no longer dependent on the comfort it offers.  

 Another bad point is my mom loves it just as much, so she too craves it and brings it into the house. It's right there and inescapable. I know I have willpower. I should have it, I mean when I last checked it was there, though that was literally five years ago to my best guess. So I decided it would be easier to pledge it online, where if I have chocolate I will have broke my promise to the world wide web, all my readers, and myself.

How would I feel if someone I cared about continually ate chocolate and it as killing them in some way or configuration? I would try to stop it of course. In fact with my mom I have stopped her from eating some things that were killing her. So now I am doing it for me, so my parents, pet's, and friends dont have to witness my writhing around and hear my moans of agony.