Hello All,
I have been in so much pain since that front came threw Tuseday, so much cold air and my body did not even react to 3 Advil today, I was trying not to take my Hydrocodone but it sure looks like I have lost the fight, I have had to use my cane for support to get around the house.
I have been trying to keep moveing but it hurts worse to move, my electric blanket has not helped eather and it usualy does, Now my E Tremors are at full throddle mode because of the pain I am in this week, I think the Fibro/Arthrites truck has hit me and then backed up and pulled forward many times over this bodie of mine. I know several of my friends are also experianceing this too.
I have tried the hot showers, don't do the bath(hurts to get out of the tub), I am also in a major depression, I have been for many months, just so tired of being tired and in pain, I am of the not being able to do what I want because of no energy in this 44yo body anymore, I won't be able to bake cookies and make fudge this year,I am still re-cooping from Thanksgiving too. I just want to scream and cry, things are getting worse not better, I had to postpone my Medicaid hearing due to my Husband had the H1N1 and was hospitalized for 5 days in OCT. now It is for Jan.4th, I pray that they say yes this time, I need tests run and no money or insurance. Sometimes I just want to say ok God this is enough, I can't handle it no more, but I keep pluging along with good support from my friends I have made on line.
Sorry for my rambling, I do wish pain free or less pain days to all and Happy Holidays too.
hi Seeker 1, I read your post and felt so bad for you, I've just recently been using this site to talk to other people, and offer support and get support. I've got degenerative arthritis in C-5 C-6 C-7, 7 is the worst with bone spurs developing, and I am still getting over sever depression. The pain we endure on a daily basis, plus the meds, the doctors give us to cover up the pain, has a vicious cycle, depression in my mind, especially severe depression, which i went thru was the scariest. I can't impress enough to you to address your depression seriously. Even with the pain daily, depression can lead to worse events. And if not treated quickly will drain you even worse than the pain. The cause of course is the pain, the body has it's own endorphines I'm told to block the nerves from sending the pain message to the brain, but in severe chronic pain, it simply can't keep up. then the meds are applied, and cover up, or fake the brain out of the pain, they are usually addictive and have side effects that also effect any antidepressant I found out. But if you are anything like me, I'm 48 and was told i have a 70 year old neck, that in it'self is depressing. I've tapered off pain meds, narcotics, and am sticking with my antidepressant Zoloft, which also has pain relief quality's, and am also tapering off Valium, which after the depression, I began having anxiety attacks, basically all the meds were fighting the antidepressant, I'm now seeking alternative pain management, acupuncture, which helps, Tramodol, suppose to be a non narcotic, and extra strenght excederin. But have also learned that you have to take control of the brain, when your at your worst, and mentally make your brain focus on things you like to do, fun things, excercise, which is a great way to feel better, music, or helping someone else who's suffering. this actually works well for me, the key was getting off my but and doing it. I'd sit there thinking god, my neck hurts, when will this end, am I going to feel this pain the rest of my life? This thinking snowballed in to self pity, and dark thoughts for me. So I'm trying now to let the feelings come, the bad ones, let them pass, and take action towards the positive, go for a walk, call someone, write someone, clean up the house, play a computer game, watch a good movie, and am contemplating volunteering at the hospital or meals on wheels for the elderly that are on fixed incomes, I'm looking hard for work rightnow, but a couple days a week of some form of volunteering to make someone else happy, laugh, or just listen. Many people in pain or suffering, really need people who can understand their situation to listen to them. I found my acupuncturist does this well, and understands what I'm going thru, and gives me hope and just a good feeling.
I hope you can have a pain free weekend, and find some type of therapy that is effective, and can retrain your mind, so you have options when the pain is at it's worst.
God Bless you and take care of yourself, treat yourself well, you are the only one like you and are special in God's world, I'm not a religeous fanatic, but am believing more and more that God has a plan, and won't give me more than I can handle.
take care and feel free to write me back, and let me know how you are doing.
Guido
Thank You Guido,
I do see a Theripest when we have the extra money, it has been a while and I told my Husband I am getting very depressed, my Theripest records stated I have Major Depression, I Have Athrites in the neck and lower back, DDD, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue,too so it is hard to get out and do things I realy like to do, I also have made many friends on line because I also like to try to help and be that ear or sholder for outhers who might need it, ya it does make me feel good too when I can pick there spirets up and make them laugh, I call a few of them on occation( please excuse my spelling).
I was at that time when you just can't see beyond tomarrow,and I cried for days wondering what am I going to do for the rest of my life living like this, Then I remembered my good Dr. suggesting I see the theripest in the office so I called and made my first appointment. I am not ashamed eather, it helped me now I need to get up money to see him again, I take Cymbalta which works for calming my mind where I don't have those worthless thoughts, I know there are stages of Grief we go threw, he did tell me I haven't made it past the first stage yet, I was a hard worker and took pride in doing a good quality job,My Husband don't work, he has barrowed money and do odd jobs and sold things to get us by with all our bills, he tried a reg. job but it didn't work out he couldn't handle it, he had been a used car sales man and a auto mechanic for many years because his family owned a car lot and he had it easy. I had all the factroy, cooking,Automotive detailer/porter jobs, a lot of phsycal jobs and I loved it, I was one of those who didn't like to stand around, I would find something else to do or learn a new job at the same place so I could do more than one job. My therypist said my depression is as deep as a man gets when he looses his job due to a physical illness that makes it unable for them to ever work again, he said he don't see it that often in a woman but I was the soul bread winner that had a steady job and insurance. I did create a web site called Fibro Angel's Space, I filled it with links to sites for diffrent Health issues and a few odd things, I think the link is in my profile I have had over 350 visitors to my site and I tell my self that is 350 people I have hopefully helped in some way.
You are a very nice person, I am glad you commented on my post, I hope we can help each outher keep our heads above the water.
Thank You and Bless your Heart for all you do!!
((HUGS))
Seeker1
Hi Seeker,
Thanks for replying, wow you've had a tough road. and sounds like you're husband has problems also thus not being able to work full time. and sounds like you've gone on permanent disability? Either way you sound very tough, and the web site you've created is a great idea, and a excellent way to channel your energy, to help yourself as well as others. That's beautiful! I'm so glad you are seeing a therapist, and glad you felt no shame, there is no shame, regret, or worrying about what others might think, I've been to a few now, and am still seeing one, a lady, who I like and can talk to better than a man. Being a man, the man therapist I saw years ago was too much like my father, and I felt like punching him a couple times. Either way, a therapist who'm you can talk to is SO important, Doctors are great, but they aren't experienced in understanding your emotions. Major depression is nothing to take lightly, I had depression which escalated to severe depression, my Doctor made note of that and i went on sick leave then. So I do understand, the best I can, your mind is great when things are going well, and no worry's, but when things get tough, your mind can work against you, and as I've been told you've got to start taking charge of your thoughts, and actions. I'ts important, my therapist said to let the bad feelings come if you can't prevent them, try to understand them, why, what reason would you be feeling that way, then let them pass, which for me means taking action, getting up off my butt, and doing dishes, going for a walk calling someone, anything but letting myself dwell in that bad moment. I'm glad the medication (antidepressant) is working I took it myself for a short period, but it didn't seem to help me, it made me more somber. So I eventually went back to Zoloft. am taking 75mg in the morning daily, it's also suppose to have pain relief effects, though I haven't noticed that, I'm currently unemployed my wife is the bread winner rightnow, but I'm having trouble staying home everyday, even if I stay busy, looking for work, you can only vacuum and clean so much. I'm thinking about volunteering at the local hospital a couple days a week, while still looking hard for work. to take my mind off myself, my pain and worries. Last monday my wife got knocked down by a large horse, and broke her ankle, both her tibia and fibia going in to the ankle broke also, so she is home now for a couple weeks, and I am thankful I can be here to help her recover, it's kept me busy and I am taking care of her horse as well. Doing the grocery shopping etc. She can't drive, or won't be able to for some time. So my plan is when she is able to or I can drive her to work then go for the volunteer idea at the hospital. I'ts winter up where we are snow, that cold spell, and when the snow really starts to hit, I'm on the snow blower, which usually leaves my neck and shoulders a wreck, but at least it will keep me busy.
Enough about me, thank you again for writing, keep your spirits up, like you and your husband we too have sold off things we don't use for some extra cash, I'm fortunate to be able to get unemployment rightnow, so financially we're ok, my wife has good insurance, (thank God) so I am able to see a therapist, and acupunturist. I keep worrying about getting a job though, the economy is not looking good rightnow and I keep getting we're not hiring or we're laying off. But I try to remember I've got the unemployment, I'm actually not proud of taking it, I've worked probably 28 years straight and have been on unemployment once for 6 months, it feels like getting food stamps. But i't's survival rightnow, and hopefully the economy will pick up and I can land a good job, maybe even one I really enjoy.
I wish the best for you and your husband, and feel deeply for your physical and mental pain, after what i've been thru, I really feel even though pain led to depression, you have to take care of or get ahold of the depression quickly, it can lead downhill fast, and actually takes more out of you than the pain, physically and emotionally. Take just one day at a time, try not to worry about tomorrow, you can do nothing about yesterday or even an hour ago, but you can do something about being in the moment, and getting thru even an hour at a time, is a acomplishment.
take care, be good to yourself.
Guido
Thank You again,
My husband had gotten up some money so I can go see my Theripest, he sees my depression,and I feel it getting worse so when I told him he got up the money fast.
I Feel for your wife also,I hope she has a speedy recovery and you enjoy some time together :) ,, When you said Horses my face got a big grin, I use to have a few horses till we moved into town, I am not a city girl, I am a big country fan, the smell of cows and horses awww the thought cheers me up.
I live in IN. and we have had that big snow in Michigan and we got a little but ever since this last Tuse. my pain levels have rose so much I have been takeing my pain meds every 6 hours.
I haven't got Disability yet, I filled for that 3 1/2 years ago, I have applied for Medicaid and been denied 9 times with Medicaid, I have another hearing the 4th I am just holding my breath that they ok me, I am tired of fighting them.
Have a Great Day and a Wonderful Holiday Season.
Seeker1