lilly.....really well written and to the point....i don't know what your chronic pain situation is but i have been in constant and debilitating (8) pain for 20 years after having three cervical fusions with my vertebrae being wired leaving me with the domino effect and serious degeneration at every cervical level...herniated discs,bulging discs,stenosis,radiculopathy,occipital neuralgia, and on we go....i do "look good" every day and try to do one event a day (could be 5 minutes or a few hours)...some people are probably not even aware of the pain i go to sleep with, wake up to, and endure all day,every day...WE DON"T  HAVE  ANY OPTIONS other than to smile and participate in life...i have a fabulous pain management team who never doubt the degree of my suffering and a wife, two daughters,and three grandchildren who don't need to share my situation....sometimes i wish i had a huge bleeding,oozing hole in the side of my neck....but i despise pity and appreciate understanding.....i DO love the snow and the chirping birds and people always thought of me (and probably still do) as the most optimistic person they know...you sound pretty optimistic too!!.....beanie