feelings

By KinnamonVickie Wednesday, September 12, 2007

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it is so nice to have people to talk to about some of the stuff that I go through everyday.I work a 40 hour work week,and it is really hard.The ladies I work with have to work 50 hours and I feel awful because I know that it isn't fair for them.But I know that if i did it would be awful and I would miss work during the week.So I feel guilty all the time.Thanks for your site

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Susan lic

9/12/07 10:27pm

Pain is hard to deal with in the frist place let a lone hold down a full time job. Wow you must have a way to help you deal with the pain so you can work that long. I did the same thing for 5 years and than the pain became to much for me. I have progressive ms. I also have lower back pain that won't let me stand for more than 15 minutes. I can't even left much anymore. God has made it posible for me to do what I can , that is come here and type.

KinnamonVickie

9/13/07 6:31am

Sometimes the best thing is getting up and moving but I stand for eight hours a day.The girls I work with try to understand but it is tuff andI feel guilty because they work 50 hours a week and I am not there to help them out.But I can't not work,need to make a living and need the insurance.I need to start going back to church but am so tired on the weekend.Not a good excuse.Still take time for Bible study everyday but I feel like that is not enough.Thanks for writing me

Susan lic

9/13/07 11:27am

You are doing what you feel and know what you can do. Don't give up and don't let anyone tell you to give up. The pain is to blame for what you are going though, and not you. This pain causes us to have to change our lives. Your co-workers understand because they care and know that you are not faking it. That is a blessing to have co-workers that care and not condemn you. I went though having pain and ms symptoms and they called me lazy. So I didn't want to work. I worked 50 to 60 hours a week at a cleaners doing laundry (shirts and pants) heat from the presses was so bad at times. I didn't know that the heat was my worst foal. I changed jobs and when to college so I could get a better job. My ms wouldn't let me. You are doing good and I am proud of you for it. You go and don't stop. God knows you are there so he knows you believe in Him, and He want let you down.

KinnamonVickie

9/13/07 5:38pm

I couldn't work in the heat,I work in a temp control room.that is nice.I just really need to let God help me with the guilt that I am trying to deal with on my own.I know that my mom isn't trying to make me feel that way but she does.She has fibromyalgia also and has had back surgery,she is retired.But I don't think she misses church at all.I guess I need to sto looking at what other people so and concentrate on what I can and can't do

annebeckett

9/13/07 3:52pm

Hey, Kin...

Yeah, I do get that. My lode is, mainly, home-based stuff. And, my adult-aged kids generally have to pick up my slack, so I get what you're saying. Of course, your co-workers are probably happy to do this for you but, how long will this continue?

I'm not sure exactly what you're having to deal with but KNOW I wouldn't be able to stand up for 8 hours! Yikes!

Here's SOMETHING you can do, depending on your job: IF it would be okay with your boss, try bringing a small step-stool in with you. You should keep one foot on it (and, alternate during the day, if you can). It'll be much easier on your back. Even when doing dishes (well, expecially when diong dishes), or when coooking in the kitchen, I do keep one foot elevated and it makes a huge difference in my pain-level... at least for my back. When it comes to vaccuuming, I have to use a small (kind of dirt-devil) and crawl on my hands and knees. No way could I try to push a normal vac! I can't even sweep without paying for it for a week. My son does the "bigger" vac jobs for me once in a while so that the house is not totally disgusting, too.

Now, have you tried to apply for RSDI (Social Security disability income)? Have you spoken with your doc or docs about this? It may be something you need to look into and, if you are receiving RSDI, you CAN work a much lighter, part-time, lode... I would suggest trying that. And, if you do and they deny you, keep in mind that they tend to deny everyone at least once!

I hope that your coworkers understand and don't mind the extra hours. But, please, prepare yourself for the (possibly) inevitable, ok?
Best to you.. Anne

KinnamonVickie

9/13/07 5:19pm

you sound like you are in alot more pain than I could imagine.I have thought about ss and I think my Doc would agree but I worry about the insurance.My daughter helps when she is here.Both of my kids are grown and live 2 and a half hours away.But when they help me out when they are home.I don't run large vaccum hardly at all my daughter cleans house when she comes home,and they both help cook.My husband trys to help out some,but men ususlly are't alot of help.He did buy me a nice dishwasher,I love it,don't know what I would do without it.you have a wonderful evening.Thanks for the advice.

annebeckett

9/13/07 6:39pm

Insurance when you're on disability, in Medicare. And, from what I've seen lately, they are paying more than a LOT of others!

It DOES take a full year of disabilty in order to enroll in m/care, though. I've been on both for 18 years and don't usually have to worry about seeng docs or getting treatment, too...

something to consider!

anne

KinnamonVickie

9/13/07 7:25pm

Thank you I will have to talk it over with my husband and my Doctor.How long did it take for you to get on?And what qall do you have to through to get on it?Do you have to see alot of other Doctors and stuff?

annebeckett

9/13/07 9:35pm

Well, when I looked into it, it was at the urging of my doctors. I had to have multiple tmj surgeries back then and my docs really thought it had to be done. So, basically, I called the ssec admin, they took some notes over the phone and sent me an application. Now, ALL of my doctors were sure that I would be approved and they all took the time to write letters and copy notes, etc..., on my behalf. I was married back then but my husband did NOT work, either, so things were incredibly tight! I was denied the first time I applied as that is the standard m.o. of the socsec admin, but, when I appealed, they were forced to track me down in the hospital (for the 3rd time in 2 months) and I was approved (well, I was close to dead). The ssadmin DID send me to a doctor for a few more tests and, whaddya know (?), their doc gave me even more diagnoses of what was wrong with me! So, it's not like I was trying to put one over on anyone!

One thing you should know: when you apply for disability, you know you need it to help in your everyday life. However, once it's there, in black and white, "you are disabled", it CAN be very difficult to accept. I think I cried for days! After a while, I came to accept it for what it is; necessary! And, hey, I am disabled. There's no getting aroung that fact. Another thing is, IF you are disabled for a YEAR, you should qualify for rsdi; IF something wonderful happens and you get well, you can always go back to work and just let ss know about it. If you work part-time, like I do sometimes, you need to report it to the ss admin.... it doesn't mean that you will lose your payments; it only means that you're able to work SOMETIMES! Like me!

If you want any more info, send me an email, ok?

anne

KinnamonVickie

9/13/07 10:12pm

Thank you so much.I know that it won't be easy and I know that it is something that I am not sure I am ready to deal with.But I will talk it over with my doctor.you have a good night

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