Anyone else driving in their sleep? I'm screwed now...

Yeah, it is tough having to weigh my pain relief vs amnesia of some unknown stupid, and probably dangerous acts.  It is very hard to function in the kind of pain I'm in, but I don't want to unknowingly wander out of my house and get in my car... I'm so lucky that there were no injuries.  I would never be able live down injuring someone.

Today they increased my Oxycontin from 15 mg a day to 65 mg a day.  I don't know if I'll be able to walk, let alone drive.

I'm praying for a pain-free night - I hope yours is pain-free as well.

Jeff

Hi Jeff,

I had a very similar incident happen to me. I didn't get in my car and drive, but I did end up at the bottom of the stairwell at the apartment building I live in. Just like you I took my meds and went to bed and the next thing I remember I wake up in the hospital. I was so humilated! I have no idea who found me or what they thought of me, thank God I was dressed. I came home and my bed was made and I had sets of shoes in every room-just plain freaky. I live alone and my kids are really concerned about me. I took the same meds I always take and one of those is Ambien, but I have been on that for years with no incidents. I too am so thankful I did not hurt anyone but myself, not even a broken bone. Lots of bruises and a bruised ego, but luckily I am still kickin'. Should we hide our car keys maybe? Good luck, just remember you are not alone!

Thanks Lorie,

Ya know, the really scary part that's been reported about Ambien is that eating and driving with amnesia for the event have been documented.  I read one report where a woman kept gaining weight regardless of her diet and workout plan.  Turns out she was getting up in the middle of the night to do things like eat an entire jar of peanut butter and, on one occasion actually buttered and ate an entire pack of cigarettes - must've set up video cameras or something...

The worst part for me was that I was drinking.  The fact that there was measurable alcohol in my system probably means I'm just screwed - legally that is.

papamozo,

I live alone and, while I get along well with my neighbors, I don't think I could have them hold my keys or anything like that. 

You are right though, I need to do something.

I was kinda hoping my oldest would move in with me - he just graduated high school and is waiting to leave for the Air Force.  It would be great if he lived here...

I gotta figure something out; especially since they increased my oxycontin and started me on Cymbalta.

Jeff

Be careful adding cymbalta to the list of meds you take.  I took it for 6 mos and the side effects were horrible.  My blood pressure shot way up (I always had low bp), temp would fluctuate high to low within 1/2 hour, panic attacks.  I finally convinced the mds that it was the cymbalta and not menopause.  The withdrawal was insane and it took nearly 2 years to feel like my "normal" self again (and there are some minor things that haven't returned to normal).  This drug acts on both neurotransmitters that control bp, temp, taste, pulse rate, so many things associated with the autonomic system.

You need to do a search on the internet for each drug you take and see what real people have to say.  Had I done that before taking cymbalta I would have learned alot.  Also, you need to feel secure in talking to your doctors.  Remember you are still the one who makes the final decisions regarding your body you are still in control.  The doctors prescribe meds and hope for the best because they really don't have definitive answers for chronic pain.

I wish you good luck.  Have patience with your body and accept that it is what it is... some things  you just have to deal with.  (Yes easier said than done ).

I hope you have more tolerable moments than not.

Good Luck

c

I actually got switched from cymbalta to budeprion, which from what I've read is pretty much the same or a generic form of Wellbutrin.

Turns out the VA pharmacy doesn't carry Cymbalta, but budeprion I could get from them.

Since the VA supplies certain meds at no cost, I got the budeprion.  Been reading up on it and it scares me -like all the anti-depressant side effects do.  Was starting to think that I shouldn't start it until I can talk to my doc.  It appears to be a totally different class of drug than the Cymbalta he originally prescribed.  I want to know a little more about the differences between the 2 and why he chose this one.  I had a doc give me an anti-depressant for my nerve once before and I too had horrible side effects.

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MsBackPainInAlabama

You need to go back and re-read my post.

You have no right to take that nasty tone with me or make such awful accusations about my state of health and accuse me of being an addict and a recreational user.

I don’t know where you got the idea that I was out sitting at a bar at 4 AM – I said I had a couple drinks with dinner then went to bed.  I was not out all night partying. 

I drink rarely  – and even less since I have started having such severe problems with pain.

You need to come down off your highhorse, ms-I’m-a-real-pain-patient.  It’s people like you, with your nasty, mean responses that drive people away from sites like this where they could be getting help.  And don’t compare my pain to yours, or anyone else’s.  You should know that everyone is affected differently by pain and meds. 

Also, If I feel up to going out for dinner, that does not mean I’m faking my pain or other problems.  I’m just not ready to roll over and die – I’m also not ready to just lay around the house and do nothing.  I will do as much as I can, for as long as I can.  I’ve got some life left to live.

Yes, I know drinking on top of these meds was stupid, and I am not looking for sympathy.  I just wondered if anyone else had been driving or doing other things with amnesia.  I don’t believe I’m immune to drunk driving laws – I know I’m going to get some severe consequences.  This event terrified me – yes I could’ve hurt or killed someone.  I’m worried that something like this could happen again; without drinking involved.

Don’t bother responding to me ever again.  I won’t read it.  You are obviously pissed at the world and I don’t need your negativity.  To say all these terrible things to me and make your petty comparisons and accusations after reading one small post of mine… Maybe you should seek some anger management therapy.  It’s unhealthy to be so mean and wish bad things to happen to others.  I hope that you don’t act like this in your day to day life: flying off the handle and spouting mean things.  I think you are the one that needs some re-evaluation.  Constant pain and meds can make people mean and cranky so that they always snap at others.  Hope you get some help with that.

It is a shame you have misjudged me so badly. 

I hope this finds you as pain-free as possible.

Jeff

Drop the attitude, man. After what you did? Just shut up and take the comments. You deserve them.

Jon

Good for you Jeff! I wish more people would actually read what people write,before they start going off.I have had that same problem on another site(not here). It is demeaning and belittliong to the people that are on here for the right reasons(Aren't we all here for Support)?

It irritates me that these people judge and jump to conclusions when they do not know hardly anything about us.

It is obvious this scared you,if you were just a drunk who didn't care you wouldn't be on here looking for help.You do need to discuss this with your doc(probably already have).

I gotta say this is why I drink and do not take drugs(I am an self medicating with alcohol,yes I know it's not a good thing),however I do need to be alert to care for my children,not knocked out by a bunch of pills.(I am very sesitive to meds) I do not get drunk,and would never drink and drive.(just had to spell that out for everyone that is going to jump to conclusions yet again)!

the side effects of these pills are just as if not more dangerous than alcohol,and I am not saying you do not need them.I just think it's funny how people are so quick to cut down alcohol use,and at the same time they are putting pills in their system.

To each their own,I guess.

Sorry for rambling...Don't stop posting,alot of people here are on here to share,care,and support.

Good luck to you

Thanks eggs

You might wanna brace yourself - admitting you self-medicate with alcohol may bring on a lotta posts like I got ;]

Yeah, this whole thing has got me very scared.  I'm hoping there won't be any more stupidity induced accidents in my future.

There was a time when I was self-medicating with alcohol.  Alcohol helped me feel better after a couple drinks, but I wouldn't stop at a couple and would get drunk a lot.  The cost in money, hangovers, social problems etc. just weren't worth it.  It wasn't a good option for me.

The pills seem to be taking a toll now too.  Like you said - to each his own.  Personally, I don't think either option is really very good.  They both have their bad side effects, ya know?

I don't think I'll stop posting.  A lot of people are responding helpfully now.  Was surprised that it took so long to get anything more than an angry response though.

Take care

Jeff

Shame on all of you for taking such a mean position. No one can judge anothers pain level, since we are all individuals. true he shouldn't have had any kind of alcohol, but most of us have done something stupid when we are taking medications. I don't drink at all and I have had terrible problems with sleep walking and have had many accidents where some have put me in the hospital. I would just fall asleep while doing ordinary tasks or talking with people. I would have no memory of what I was doing before. My poor husband was afraid to go to sleep at night because of it. So be more understanding. After all we should care about each other. 

Hi Jeanne,

Thanks for the response - I wanted to ask you about it.  You spoke about the stuff you did and the amnesia in the past tense.  Does that mean you don't have those problems any more?  Did you find a cause or a cure?  I'd love to know.

Thanks

Jeff

"If you really had fibromyalgia you wouldn't be able to stay up all night and carouse with the locals at a bar. Fibro is extremely tiring and you just don't seem like you are tired."

MsAlabama,

That comment just isn't fair. It broke my heart when I read your post.

Please do not place us all in the same catagory as yourself.

Fibromyalgia affects each person differently and there is no room for judgement. We get enough of that from non-fibro believer's.

I've had Fm for over 30 years, beginning in jr. highschool. Played sports, worked, very active person with a very busy and healthy lifestyle. Went our dancing often 10pm - 3am, avid outdoorswomen, loved physical labor,etc...

Flares did knock me out from time to time.

Rarely could I sleep. The only way was with medication. Always exhausted. failed in studies but, kept pushing. Six yrs ago FM disabled me, mostly homebound now.

Anger is understood. Pain is crippling physically and mentally.

However, it isn't fair to say he doesn't fibromyalgia because he doesn't feel like you. We're all so different, that is one, of the main reason's doctors have such a hard time treating FM. Treating us.

I'm so sorry you are having such a rough time and not feel well, I'm right there with ya.  However, we must be supportive of our fibromyalgia family, they're all we have. I think Jeff has learned that his meds and a drink or 2 doesn't mix. 

Peace & blessings to you~

Anonymous,

I have been having all kinds of memory problems.  Mine, luckily, is more short-term memory related.  Before I started on all the meds, I was getting so scatterbrained and forgetful... Now, it is even worse.  I write my self notes for everything.  My wallet is usually about 2 inches thick because of all the things I don't want to miss.

I am so sorry to hear that you have lost long-term memory.  Chronic pain already robs us of so much, it is awful that you have lost such important memories.  I feel for you.

Jeff

Yes Jon, I get it.  Stupid thing to do.  I haven't even looked at a drink since.

Now, please, anyone else reading this - I have been chewed out enough on public posts and in private messages.  I get it.  I did something stupid.  The consequences are going to last long enough for me to never forget.  Please don't bother responding if you are just going to tell me how stupid I was and how glad you are I got busted.

Jeff

Fair enough. So what are you going to do about what happened?

I'd appreciate it if you'd answer the question I asked -- Do you read the patient information that comes with your meds?

Too many people don't read that stuff. It's required by law that it be given to us, and that's for a reason. The govt used to stupidly assume that our docs would tell us what we should know about our meds. Now it's required that the printed information be given to us with our prescriptions.

If you read the patient info, what did you think about it?

That stuff's there for a reason, man. It sas not to drink because it can be harmful and dangerous. Not because they want to ruin someone's drinking fun. The next info you could ignore might be info given to you to keep you from other harm like a stroke or heart attack.

Just looked at your profile. Ex military, teacher. Seriously? I expected to see that you were some young kid, but you're beyone old enough to know better. Yeah. Given that, I think I'm done here. If you want to ignore safety info and hurt yourself, I guess that's no skin off my nose. Just stay home and do it where you won't kill someone else.

Jon

Ok, Jon,

Yes, I do read the info that comes with the drugs.  I guess that experiencing very few of the side effects maybe helped to lull me into ignoring the warnings.  It could also be that I honestly have trouble thinking straight with the pain and the meds and the lack of sleep - I have not quite been myself lately.  The trouble I've gotten myself in is a good example. This is out of character for me.

I am also fairly new at this - the drugs I mean.  I have been given a lot of different things recently and they have taken a toll on me.

There are also some extremely stressful personal things going in my life that I have not put into my bio or posts.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that a combination of many different things contributed to a very bad, dumbass decision on my part.  This does not to mean I'm trying to say it's not my fault.  I take full responsibility.  I did a bad thing and I'll face the consequences.

What have I done about it? 

I got rid of the alcohol I had in my house - not that there was much - and I haven't had a drink since.

Your response started off so well, but then comes the callousness at the end:

Stay home and kill myself, just don't hurt anyone else.  Thanks. That's exactly the kind of advice I need.

Why bother to give advice and pretend to help or care if you are then just going to write me off like that?  One screw-up and I'm just written off?  Hope you don't run into anyone with your attitude if you ever make a mistake.

I have been dealing with that same kind of uncaring attitude for a while now - if you are chronic pain sufferer, I'll bet you've seen it too.  I am surprised at the harsh treatment I've had over this post - in both public and private responses.  I came to this site looking for help.  Because I need it.  I have been open and honest and been raked over the coals for it.  There's not much incentive for me to post any more.

Jeff

Jeff,

Issues with sleep, not being able to think straight, etc., are issues to take to our doctors. That's what we pay them for. And, yeah, I do know how hard it can be to get them to listen. But the bottom line is that if they won't listen when we tell them about these things, they have no business prescribing the drugs. Plus, think about this -- whether we're well or ill, in pain or not, isn't their responsibility in the end. IT'S OURS. That's a lesson someone on another Health Central site taught me. I was doing a top job of playing the victim and blaming my doctor for everything until she flat out asked me why the hell I was still seeing such a sorry excuse for a doctor and pointed out that nobody was holding a gun to my head and making me stay with that doc instead of finding a good one. And the woman was so damn right. WE are responsible, not the docs. They don't live in us 24/7, so they don't know everything we do about what we're living with. If one doc doesn't get it or won't help, it's not just our choice, but our responsibility, to find a better doc.

Callous? Hardly. I am a chronic pain patient too. I also have migraines. When you have migraines, you often can't take most pain meds daily or you end up with other headaches called rebound headaches on top of everything else. I lost my job, my house, my car, my wife. Finally found a new job that pays little, but it's work. It's not safe to drive with a migraine, so I live in a really shitty apartment, but it's close enough to work that I can walk.

My point? I do know what it's like. I'm not being callous. I'm being realistic. People who pull the stupid stunts you did make it harder for ALL OF US.

Truth? I'd have been more inclined to cut you some slack if you hadn't pulled the attitude, man. There's just no excuse for the attitude you have Ms BackPain. None. When you screw up and do something that makes it harder for all the rest of us, you can't expect people to be all nicey nice. You deserved every cross word anyone posted to you. The way to react to all of that and end up with people accepting you and wanting to listen and help would have been to just man up, take it, and work through what was said, whether you liked it or not.

You got raked over the coals because you deserved it. It you can't see that, you're doomed to make more dumb ass mistakes. We're ALL in pain, Jeff, yet folks are here  to support each other. The thing is, nobody has the right to come in, tell about being so stupdi, and expect to have the respect and support of people here without doing a bit of penance to deserve it. No, respect shouldn't necessarily have to be earned, but what you did isn't something you did just to your self. What you did, whether you get it or not, you did to everyone here. Think about the cops who arrested you? What do you think your little stunt did to what those cops think about people who take pain meds?

Do you get it yet, man? If you do, there's light at the end of the tunnel and a reason to keep talking. Accountability, dude. Accountability.

Jon

Jon,

I think you still misunderstand me.  From the first I have owned up to my responsibility in this.  I said I screwed up.  I have not blamed doctors for this.  I do have a lot of frustration towards doctors because I am stuck having to see docs in the VA system for certain things (I have to see them in order to keep my VA benefits) and have had many bad experiences in the VA system.  I have several different health issues going on right now and have been to see so many different docs lately - they all have differing opinions on treatment and meds and it has been one change of docs and meds after another.  In my desperation for some relief from pain I have been trying everything I can.  Unfortunately, I have not settled into any kind of regular schedule for treatment or meds.  We are still trying to find the right combination to help me.  At this point, who wouldn't be frustrated?

I am actually really happy about one thing, because I just started seeing a new doc that actually listened to me, took the time to answer questions, and didn't try to run out of the room after spending a minimum of time with me.

But again, I have said over and over - I screwed up.  It's my mistake.  I own it.  I'll have to go back re-read my own posts.  There are many times where I feel totally overwhelmed, and it IS easy to feel the victim - and play one on the internet...

Jon, you are being callous.  Obviously, I am not as experienced - or not have dealt with these kinds of problems as long as you have.  There is a learning curve here - if you want to call it that.  It is devastating to hear the things people are saying. Because I'm old enough to know better, and I screwed up, I should just be put in jail, under the jail, should just stay home and kill myself, I'm a lost cause, I make all pain patients look bad...  How is this not callous?  Now facing very serious legal trouble, on top of my other problems with my health, finances, personal life, PTSD and depression, how is hearing things like I'm a lost cause and should kill myself not being callous?  In what world would that be helpful?

In regards to my attitude:

You said I had no right to have an attitude with msbackpaininalabama.  Go back and read that post again.  I was called an alcoholic, pill-popping faker, someone who is not in pain and needs jail time and rehab to dry out, and have the government take me off my meds.  If I said that to you, what would your reaction be?  I'd say I did a good job of controlling my anger and attitude.  Like you, my health problems have cost me my marriage, my home, my job, and almost everything else I hold dear.  I will not just "shut up and take it, because I deserve it."  msbackpain's response was nothing more than a vicious, uninformed, personal attack.  It is easy to hate the drunk driver.  I know.  But this site is supposed to be a place for helping each other.  It is not some random place to post hate mail.  What I had from msbackpain was not tough love or constructive criticism - it was just mean.  I don't have to take that kind of thing from her or anyone else.

I really can't believe you said that this awful treatment is what I deserve.  That I have made a dumbass mistake, but I won't get any support or respect until, "I've done my penance."  Really?  Have I joined a website filled with perfect, mistake-free, god-like beings that require my penance before condescending to show me support or respect?  Really? 

No.  There have been several people that responded to me, without condoning my actions, but were respectful and offered advice and support.

I don't expect everyone to be "nicey-nice," but you are wrong in saying that the only way the people here will be, "accepting you and wanting to listen and help... " is to, "take it and work through what was said, whether you liked it or not."  That's crap.  If you want to spend your life being walked on by others, go right ahead, but don't expect me to.  Don't expect me to listen to personal attacks without responding.

I take no issue with a statement of the facts:  I screwed up; I did a dumbass thing; I was stupid; etc.  Sure, all that fits.  More than that, like the insults and accusations, are just uncalled for.

Do you get it?

If not, I can't see much reason for us to continue this dialogue.

Jeff

Nope. I didn't misunderstand you. You made a mistake, you came her and admitted it, and you expect instant understanding and forgiveness. You expect no anger, no harsh words. You think saying you screwed up and that you're going to pay for it is enough. Maybe it should be. Maybe not. 

None of that changes one thing that I've mentioned multiple times, but you never respond to. What you did -- mistake or not -- makes things harder on the rest of us. The next time the cops who arrested you come across someone else on pain meds, what you did will be in their minds and make it harder for other pain patients they may deal with. 

Lots of people here are angry at not being able to get the meds they need, and lots of that is due to what other people have done to make things harder. Whether it's people who sold their meds on the street, people who lie to get pain meds, or people who screw up even accidentally, it all impacts other pain patients.

No worries about continuing this, Jeff. I'm through. You're too busy playing your tiny violin to see any point anyone else tries to make.

Whatever.

Jon.

Thanks Jeff, Don't pay any att. to others post, Jon enough is enough now.

Jeff said he gets it and he is sorry.We all do things we regret.

Jeff, yes talk to your Dr.pay the ticket,Lawyer what ever it takes.

And move on.

Hope it works out for you.

CC

Thanks.  Like I said in the earlier post, I have started seing a new doc and I think this is one I will have a good relationship with.  Will be back to see him this week again.

Nothing new yet on the legal front - I am hoping to get this behind me and move on and away from it.

Saw a neurosugeon.  Think I'll start a new post on that - got a lot of questions and concerns about surgery.

Jeff

Jeff, I do not drink and I have had some serious side effects on meds, including driving.  I would like to recommend a site, www.patientslikeme.com, where you can be in a community of fibromyalgia people.  You can list your symptoms, your medications, treatments, pain levels, how you are feeling, and has a doctor's visit sheet you can print off and take with you to your doctor's appointment.  I have had fibro for 20+ years and it amazing how far the medical community has come but they still have a long way to go.  Some doctor's like my cardialogists just don't get it still.  My cardialogists told me I was just out of shape when I couldn't keep walking on the treadmill.  I told him I had fibromyalgia and he just dismissed it and told me I needed to excercise. 

We know that we have a hard time dealing with people who don't believe we are sick, in pain, and telling us we don't look sick.  We are all individuals and each of us reacts differently to pain, medications, etc.  I don't think my family recognized my fibro as being real until my sister was recently diagnosed with it.

Some of us are able to have a meaningful active life in spite of all the pain.  It doesn't mean that we hurt less or really don't need our meds.  Maybe we are just more stubborn, who knows.   We need to be supportive, not judgemental, of each other in a world that thinks we are faking, lazy, and drug seekers, etc.

God bless you and hand in there.  It is a daily battle, isn't it.

hollynicki,

Thanks for the website.  I will check it out.

Also, thank you for the encouragement.  Yes, it is a daily battle - sometimes a minute by minute battle.  Have had 2 instances this week where my pain spiked so bad so fast I thought I was dying.  After a couple hours I was wishing I would die; every minute was an eternity.  I've had migraines before, but these made those previous ones look like a stubbed toe - pain so bad it took my breath away and I couldn't even walk... Don't know what brought it on - I don't think I was late or missed any meds...

I am having a hard time giving up my activities.  I desperately want to keep doing the things I enjoy.  It is difficult to admit to myself that I can't do certain things anymore.  But I will keep trying. I do still have "good" days where my pain level drops enough to give me hope.

What a shame that fibro doesn't come with a big blinking neon sign that screams, "Ouch!"  It would be nice to have something to point to to incontrovertably identify fibro...

Thank you for the support.

Jeff

Wow! First, Jeff, Good luck to you. I give you credit for being so honest. I give you credit for humbling yourself by asking for help. I think it took a tremendous amount of courage for you to explain the entire situation so that everyone would have a clear picture in order to give you the proper help and support that you need. You could easily have left out a detail or two and still gotten the message across but your integrity came through loud and clear by being so open and honest. It says a lot about who you are as a person-your core values, ethics, morals. You didn't come up with some flimsy excuse or leave out details. You painted the picture in great detail. What courage!

Yes, I am a pain patient. RSD, Fibro, CFS. Yes, I take meds. Some are the same as yours. Yes, I have short term memory loss. This isn't about me.

I have no advice for you relative to your orginal post. I wanted to say that I admire your courage in seeking out the help and advice you so desperately need. Too many of us are alone, having lost so much and we are now forced to turn to strangers on the internet for comfort, support, advice and UNCONDITIONAL acceptance. We have no one in our physical presence to be there for us. Our lives are difficult enough with our physical challenges, we are all individuals-no one knows what we each go through mentally, spiritually and emotionally.

For fellow sufferers to be so judgmental is horrific to me. I was shocked. All of the cliches ran through my mind. People in glass houses.....................etc. So many took what you said out of context. They didn't bother to really read what you wrote. They were too busy forming their response, getting up on their soapboax to condemn you that they completely missed what you were saying. People are so worried about the "bad name" you have given to pain patients. On the contrary, the responses to your posts, I believe, are the better example of what gives pain patients a bad name. These responses exemplify the bitterness, hatred, and sadistic attitude of pain patients.

Support? I've been a lurker for a long time. Always too nervous, too self conscious to post. I'm unsubscribing and will never again come back to this board. I've seen no love or support. Only finger pointing. As far as I know, there has only been one man who walked this earth that was perfect and He died for us about 2,009 years ago. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

Jeff, I will add you to my prayer list. You are obviously new to this and trying to find your way in this delicate world of pain and medication. I can tell that you are a man of honor and integrity. Don't ever lose that. Don't ever let the pain win.

Anonymous,

Thank you for the kind words, and your prayers.  I could use em both.  I appreciate your support.

Please don't leave this site over a few harsh posts.  There are a lot of good people here.  There are many people posting and responding with great insight and information. So many topics are covered here and there are a lot of good links, too.

You are right, I am new at all this and struggling to find my way.  You are also correct about the difficulty of not having someone physically there for you.  Sometimes I think it is so sad that we have to turn to strangers on the internet to find help or support - luckily there are sites like this.  It has helped me to come here.

The anger shouldn't be too much of a surprise.  It is very likely the most common gut reaction to what I did.

Hope you stick around.

Good luck, hope you are doing and feeling well

Jeff

Hi Cyndi,

Thanks for the response.

You know, I don't think I have actively been trying to do anything about the memory problems.  I enjoy crosswords and I'm pretty good at them.  I read every day too.  I'm just about done with Hemingway's Islands in the Stream - again.  Over the last year it has become really difficult to read, though.  The meds give me random bouts of double vision and other visual problems.  Everything - the pain and the meds - make concentration all but impossible sometimes.  Maybe I'll try regularly doing crosswords.  I do like them, and it would be great if they helped.

I'm not taking any supplements other than a multi-vitamin and fish oil for cholesterol.  I have tried that 5-Hour Energy drink.  It really helped make me feel more awake.  The commercials are right for that one: No jittery feelings and no crash later.  I think it is just B vitamins.  I wonder if that is something I could take regularly...

Best of luck to you, too.  It sounds like you WERE on the same meds I was on but are not any longer.  I hope that means you were able to find a way to lessen your pain.

Jeff

Hi lorreann,

Yeah I been getting quite a beating - I'm a little down, but not out=]

You know, I'm hoping that the subject of my meds never comes up.  The county this is in does not cut any deals on drinking and driving.  There will be no leniency.  The fact that I drank at all while taking meds would probably only get me in more trouble.  Even though there are more and more cases popping up of people doing very complex things (like driving) while sleeping, I'll not try to use that to get a lesser charge.  It just sounds like I'm trying to cop out...

I am a little worried though because I have been noticing things that make me think I'm sleepwalking: finding things that are not where I remember leaving them; dirty dishes I don't remember using;  Stuff like that.  Since I live alone, I'll have to set up a video camera or something. 

Been reading lately how stress, lack of sleep, and fatigue can contribute to episodes of sleepwalking.  I REALLY need to get some good sleep - and a regular sleep schedule.  For some reason muscle aches have been really bad today - just moving my arm starts a ten minute long spike of pain.  It's like I feel like I need to stretch, but when I do, instant spasms.  God I hate this.  Some days I just can't take it.  I'm on so damn many meds I shouldn't be able to feel getting hit by a bus!  Starting to vent a bit.  I better go.

Hope you are well

Jeff

Maybe you can get a sleep study done. Fibromyalgia is a sleep disorder anyway, but if you're sleep walking you need to know. You have so many different issues going on with the Post Tramatic Stress Disorder and your painful injuries from your service to our country-are you only seeing VA doctors? It would be great if you could find a good therapist that would help you with some of the emotional issues, and a good doctor to manage the pain. (If there is such a thing!!) I don't know if this is possible, but I really hope you get more of a support system to help you. My sister was a teacher, too, and she shocked all of us by commiting suicide at 36 years old. Unfortunately, I think as a teacher she hid a lot of her depression and loneliness because she had an image to keep, and unfortunately it cost her her life. You have a double whammy of being a teacher AND ex military. I commented on another of your posts that you have a gift for writing. When you write, you really express yourself in a vivid way. You put in words feelings that all of us feel but have a hard time expressing. But to me you are sending red flags with some of the things you are saying-the car accident, and concerns with sleep walking, trouble driving, etc. Everything you've said is very understandable, but if you're concerned like you keep posting you are, we can only give our opinions-we can't really help. Please try to put away some of your pride and do whatever is necessary to get as much help as you think you need. I do think a video cam sounds like a good start, but please talk to your doctors, too. (Sorry to get carried away. I guess the mother in me must be coming out!!!) 

Hey lorreann, very sorry to hear about your sister. Such a tragic thing.

I thought I had put comments about sleep in a previous post, but maybe not... Every time I've spoken to a doctor about this - you're gonna love it - I was offered Ambien.  The number one sleepwalking inducing drug.  They were really insistent last time, but I still refused. I actually had one doctor offer me Zolpidem after I refused Ambien.  He was surprised that I knew that it was just another name for Ambien.  Couldn't believe he actually tried that crap with me... Last time I ever saw him.

I have another appointment in 2 weeks with that new doc I've started seeing.  I am hoping he will be able to address this.  I'll bring it up.  You are right, though. I avoided this subject with him.  I have put my focus on getting the pain under control.  Guess I've been hoping that controlling the pain would fix everything...

The strange thing is how sometimes I don't think I've been thinking or acting differently at all, until I look back on certain things I've done recently.  And I have to wonder, what the hell was I thinking?  I know I'm absent minded and a little foggy, but I guess I still have a problem accepting that I am not thinking as clearly as I think I am, or want to be.

The issue of counseling I am pretty sure I brought up before.  I went to counseling for PTSD (through the VA) and was immediately offered an anti-depressant, which I refused.  The damn shrink then told me I could make another appointment IF I wanted the anti-depressant.  She won't see me unless I'm drugged, and I really can't afford private counselling.

I have to tighten my belt even more now.  I am no longer teaching.  I am going through the process that puts me on long-term disability.  It breaks my heart to do this, but I just can't do my job anymore. 

I am really scared about the financial effects this will have.  Luckily I do have long-term disability insurance.  The only problem is that my pay drops to two thirds of this year's salary and the school corp stops paying their portion of my health insurance.  If I elect to keep my health insurance, I will have to pay the full amount, which changes my insurance premium from $144 a month to $500 a month.  I'll have to drop my insurance.  I'll still have the VA, though.  The new doctor I talked about is not VA, so I'll have to pay him out of pocket.  I have seen many non-VA docs - mostly specialists like the neurosurgeon I just saw.

Thank you for the compliments on my writing.  It looks like I'm going to have all the time in the world to work on a novel...

You are wrong though in saying that talking to all of you about what is going is not helping me.  It is.  It helps me to organize my thoughts.  I get feedback and advice.  Sometimes it helps to just vent to someone who has an understanding of what I'm going through, and sometimes just seeing all this in writing helps me feel better and see things a little more clearly.  It helps me focus.  I know this is not a substitute for a doctor's care, but it does help in the interim; like when I'm waiting for my next appointment.  Your comments have made me decide to ask my son to move in for a while to help keep an eye on the sleepwalking thing.  See this is helping me get the help I need =]

Just babbling now - I'm sooooo tired.  Been up for 2 days straight and finally think I might be able to get some sleep.

Hope you are well

Jeff

Thanks Jeff for writing back. I was worried I may have overstepped my bounderies in giving advice. I'm glad you are considering having your son move in with you. Even having someone around to talk to might keep your focus off your pain and your thoughts collected. Besides, if you're like me, I love it when my boys move home for awhile. It's just good having them around. I understand your dilemma with your doctors. I, too, have the problem of saying no to my doctors about my meds. It's like I'm non compliant if I don't agree. The Ambian thing is a joke!! Good luck, and be careful when you drive!!!

Hey lorreann, don't fret about giving advice, it's one of the main reasons I'm here.

I've been trying to limit my driving to early in the day before I've had too many pills - or I'll put off my morning dose for a little bit if I need to drive.

I wish my son had moved in with me when I first got divorced - hell, I wish I could've got custody of all my kids... Anyway, I am much happier with my kids around.  That little bit of improvement with my mood really does help with the pain.  My ex is one constant source of stress that I could really do without.  Unfortunately, my youngest is only 7, so I've got many more years of dealing with her ahead of me.

Ya know, with the drug thing, and talking to my docs, most of them seem to act suspicious if I ask for a higher dose, refuse a med, or want to try other meds.  I hate that.  I don't like the way it makes me feel.  I am normally a pretty secure, confident guy, but somehow, sometimes, it's like I'm a nervous little kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar.  It makes me even angrier because I know those feelings are unjustified - I just want to be an active part of my treatment, but I get the feeling that researching my conditions, meds, and treatments and being knowledgeable is looked down on.  They act (or, it seems to me they act) like I'm one step away from being labeled "drug-seeking."  When I was first prescribed Oxycodone, they told me I was scheduled for regular blood tests and I damn well better have Oxycodone in my system.  And this is the woman that identified and diagnosed my fibro and PTSD, and also is the one that has set up my referrals for ortho surgeons, neurosurgeons, pain clinic, you name it.  She is privy to all my medical conditions, she KNOWS the kind of pain I'm in and still acts this way.  Everyone at the clinic is soooo paranoid about that scrip... 

Sorry, starting to babble again.  Better go.  Hey, I'm going to start a new share post.  I just found out some good news - my life insurance and my car loan both have disability clauses!  That means they will make my payments for me!  Talk about a huge help.  With my drop in income, this could save me.  I have been worried that I would lose my house, my vehicle... I'm going to check today and see if any other places do this - like my mortgage, credit cards, student loans.  I want to share this info, and some other things - it could really help a lot of people so, look for my new share post

Jeff