Open the Door to My Life

My Mother wanted a ballerina, a graceful, poised girl and after I was rejected from tap dance, balllet classes (she dances like an elephant), swim lessons I became the reject shut up in her room called clumsy, pigeon-toed and stupid because I couldn't learn.  I became an epithet, a curse word.  In 1986 I found out I had progressive scoliosis (five curves in my spine), along with osteo-degenrative arthritis, spondylosis, spondyliothesis, peripheral neuropathy and now I could life my head up knowing where all the PAIN came from since childhood.  I knew I wasn't lazy anymore or stupid or a klutz for no reason.  When I found this website I cried with joy.  I was not the only one living in shame, head hanging.  My bone density test is the worst they have ever seen in Dayton.  No one knew I was also the victim of my Mother's violent rages and beatings - a scapegoat for her disappointment. 

I had always wanted to be a marine biologist, so my drawing reflects how I would wish to do that if I could walk without the limp, even with a walker, a brace and a cane.

My horrible self-esteem made me go to work as a janitor my own self punishment for failure.  When I finally fell and could no longer rise to clean toilets or wash floors, I applied for Social Security and was approved in 30 days.  I have Dr. Mark Thomas to thank for getting me to even apply for benefits.  I would have happily gone on suffering since I believed that is what I deserved my whole life.

I still have hope that I will be able to visit these marvels of nature with my own eyes.  I am hopeful I can take one trip in my life to the Galapogos Islands or a South American Rain Forest where I can marvel at the life forms I have taught myself to draw and see with my own eyes.