Being in chronic pain and living with someone in chronic pain

I am sorry for your loss. I am recently experiencing changes in my marriage due to BOTH of us now having pain and other health issues. I feel as if he doesn't care anymore, has become very self centered. I am afraid he is becoming depressed, which he will NEVER admit to and thus get help for. A once companionable life has become strained and uneasy. No fun anymore. I hope something will happen to turn this around so we don't have the tragic ending you have had to live with. Thank you for posting your very private issue and sharing with us.

My partner and I both have chronic pain.  She had back surgery and got left with chronic pain and neuropathy in her foot.  She uses a cane.  I have had 7 surgeries in 2 years to fix a botched stomach surgery and got left in chronic pain.  Both of us have to take medicine around the clock.  We were on oxycontin but when that started to get addictive feeling, we switched back to other, less addictive pain medicine.  Yes, we have more pain now, but we  feel it is worth it most days anyway!

I got into painting.  I am a very serious artist [is there another choice when you cope with pain...you HAVE to be serious about your pursuits that give relief!].  We have troubles when we see each other in pain because we both want to fix it, of course.  There is a lot of tongue biting to keep from always commenting on each other's pain level...even to be empathetic so it does not take over our lives.  Overall, we have gotten stronger through this journey though it hasn't been easy for sure.

Don't give up on love.  Truly, there are people out there that have big enough hearts to take us on.  We took each other on.  You may not want to go looking but be open to the possibilties.  It isn't impossible, it is just hard. 

Take care.  I hope this doesn't sound patronizing.  I did not want to sound like that.  I just wanted to let you know it can happen....and does.

Be well,

Terry

hi sharon, i have written a few posts to you with NO answers!!! are you ok? is something wrong with our friendship?? i really do miss hearing from you...write back, when you have a chance, let me know how you are doing, OK?..or maybe , i should jsut stop trying to write to you?? sorry, if i did something that you are not continueing our friendship, hugs, cindi

I am also sick and tired of everyone believing that anyone taking a narcotic pain med is a drug addict.  I never required nor took a narcotic pain pill until the age of 40.  If I were a drug seeker, I likely would not have waited until the age of 40 to become one.

"Narcotics" is a dirty word.  The very word brings negative connotations.  However, they were created in the FIRST place for pain.  Therefore, I take a narcotic for PAIN.  And yes, it works.  I don't care what literature out there states narcotics don't work for fibro pain, it is a fallacy in my case and in the case of thousands I have spoken with over the last few years who suffer this curse. 

Ok... in order to admit that narcotics work or are needed for the pain of fibromyalgia, it takes the illness to a much more admitted serious level.  Perhaps to a level that society and even some physicians are not yet ready to admit.  This is one of the most potentially debilitating conditions ever experienced.  It is pain in some cases on a very severe level equal to that of cancer patients. 

Yes, I have tried Lyrica.  Lyrica did help to some extent for a while then lost all effectiveness at the highest recommended dose.  It is far from the panacea to fibromyalgia pain.  I won't say it does not help anyone.  However, the commercials themselves only serve to minimize the severity of what levels this disease can reach.  It makes it look simple.  They take a pill and POOF...the pain is gone and the person is smiling and looks so wonderful. 

Other methods do work for some people and I won't say they don't.  However, for myself, Vicodin is the only thing that can really touch this pain anymore.  And I never am high on my medication.  I am never impaired.  No one would even know I take it if I did not tell them.  I don't crave the drug.  I do not seek the drug so I can get wasted.  I simply take it for pain for which it is still effective after several years. 

The media is full of negatives about narcotics especially in recent light of the death of Michael Jackson, Anna Nicole Smith, and the obvious problem of Paula Abdul.  However, society in general only hears the abuse side of the drugs.  They do not know the ones of us who benefit greatly from them for pain relief and actually never get high or wasted from the medications.  I am an adovocate for narcotic pain relief.  Notice, I am not saying I am an advocate for those who get them on the street so they can party with them.  I am not an advocate of drug abuse.  In fact, I believe it is despicable because these types of behaviors only serve to leave many in pain to suffer because doctors are so afraid to prescribe. 

In fact, I have read studies which have shown that less than 2% of people taking narcotics for chronic pain ever face addiction.  So as for me, as long as my doctor is humane enough to help me not suffer as much pain, I will take narcotic pain meds.  That is until there is a cure for this cursed illness.  And as for those that don't approve, I really do not care because they are speaking from the standpoint of ignorance.