Monday, December 03, 2007
For the last 19 years, I have had to live with my ms. I'm so tried of the problems that come with this diease that I just want to give up. Pain, fatigue, droping things, lack of blander control, and a long list of other prombles. My ex listened to other people instead of me and my doctors. They didn't have the problems I did. I still have to deal with loneliness and depression that all this has caused me. My daugthers are the real vitims of this diease and I have to help them to understand what I am going eougth every day. I'm always telling them I'm sorry but still I know that they hold this agaisnt me. I'm going to enjoy life and keep loving foward and instead of backwards. Bless you all and take care.
Oh, Susan:
Your such a dear and lovely person. I'm sorry for days like this. It's such a difficult time to deal with our chronic illness. I don't know all that much about MS, but I do remember when I first began my journey in pain, I thought for a while that I too had MS or something serious like it.
It's the holidays again and I think that just thinking about all the things we need to do and all the things we used to do, can make us so depressed.
My husband got the decorations out yesterday and as soon as he brought them in the house, the anxiety began to climb, I could feel myself climbing in to a hole of depression and I had so much anxiety inside, thinking that he would be expecting me to get up and begin decorating.
He started and did the whole house for me and I really like the job he did. So today while he was sleeping I cleaned up those two clutter areas that I seem to consume to do something that I knew he would be happy about. He does not say a word anymore, but I know that my messes bug him, so I was really happy to do it.
It's expecially hard when we have children relying on us and depending on their ages, it's difficult for them to understand that mom has a chronic illness and is just not able to bake and clean all day.
Sometimes my son for gets and does not really understand why I cannot just jump up and take care of what her wants me too, but gradually he has been a lot better about it.
How old are your girls? My son is 21 and does not really need me like he used to, so that's been a blessing, but I really feel bad for those with younger children.
Your a wonderful person and you always bring a ray of sunshine with you, but I think it's pretty normal for all of us to feel down and especailly at the holiday time. Have you read the sharepost on holiday stress? They may have some helpful suggestions for you and that you can apply or use at this time.
It sounds like you've had your illness for several years and probably already know about all the different suggestions that come around the holidays, but you never know when someone is going to suggest one that's not been thought of yet.
Your such a amazing lady and It sure makes my heart sad to see you when your not feeling up to the struggles of life, but I want you to know that you can contact me any time through e-mail or the messaging system if you'd like to talk privately and I don't have all the answers, but I do have an understanding and caring shoulder to listen.
Take care of your self dear. Your a special lady!
Betty