(gripe) non-understanding of family & most likely others

My dear Kat

I'm so sorry for your disappointment with your family.  I know and have experienced the hurtful feelings that I children can verbally give us.

Mine called the other day, asked how I was and when I told him, his comments & questions back were very hurtful.  Just when we think our family might get us, they say something stupid and let us know, they still are completely oblivious to our illness.

My first question would definately be "Why on earth your husband would have people over for dinner?" But I think you've been asking your self that.  I don't think mine would dare, or if he did, he would be the one cooking.  We've not had company for dinner since before I got sick.  He knows I cannot do that kind of cooking, heck, I cannot even stand in the kitchen long enough to make dinner for he & I.  The only dinners I do around here, are ones you stick everything in the crock pot, season and turn on for severla hours and then he cooks anything else to go with it.

I hate to hear you cannot pick up your meds until the 20th, that's just too far away and I'm sure your in horrible pain.  It's one thing to not have an rx for pain meds and quite a different & frustrating when you don't have the funds to pick them up.  I am so sorry.

I'm glad you come here to share & vent with us.  I wish so badly I could help you with your meds.  Please don't feel bad or emarrassed when you have to go to bed while your company is still there.  If they know your ill, then they should understand why you have to go lay down.  I hope this all works out and you get your meds sooner than your expecting hon.  Please remember all teens think the world revolves around them and they know not what they say or feel and how hurt ful it is for mom.  They will one day be very sorry for their teen age words, trust me, they will!

Take Care dear heart and know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.  Please get your rest.  You don't need this stress right now.

Luvs & Hugs

Betty

I am sorry your gett'in the ____ from the family.  It can be hard for the younger (teens) at times.  Specially in this the day and age when some of them they think the world revovle around them.  This generation is certainly a more "ME" generation.  You should have them read your post...Maybe then they might get it.  I am sure it is not the norm there, at least I am hoping its not.  But as we deal with our own stuffers we are faced with having to deal with intolerence from others...Family or not.  I am truely sorry your having one those days, may it go by quickly.  As far as company, did you think to reschudule the gathering? If they are friends, maybe they would understand.  Remember you don't have to 'put on a face' for friends and certainly never for family.  I hope you are felling better soon.  And thank you for helping me as of late.

Take care

C 

Hi, Man can I relate to you story.  My husband is , for the  most part very understanding and extremely helpful.  My problems stems from the fact that since my parents' health declined we started having get-togethers her for holidays.  This wa when I was still healthy enough to be able to enjoy their company.  Even then I would have to be the one to call this sister ,then the other two to try to set up who would bring what and times and how many I could expect to come.  You see my family thinks nothing of inviting their friends and showing up with thier kids' friends in tow.  We have had 45 people many times at our house.  Most of the time when I FINALLY reach them all, I can plan the meal and  know how many to prepare for.  Now the majority of the cleaning , prepartations and cooking is done by my husband.  This Easter is the exception.  while he is cleaning his job is taking out of town on the day before. While he will be back before the event, it is left to me to cook.  My son who has three children actually expected me to dye eggs for the hunt.  Now two of these children are old enough to help dye eggs themselves and enjoy such things.  When I told him that he was to dye his OWN eggs he replied," well I guess we can see what we can do" and "oh by the way, we will be coming two hours early because we are coming straight from church and do not want to go back home then come back the same direction"  My husband will need to sleep as long as possible as he will get home at 3:00 am Sunday morning. Now mind you all this time I could still not get in touch with my sisters.   My parents who will not attend because my dad has just went thru a week of chemo has talked to two of them.  Both of them said "whatever everone wants to do." NO offers to bring food or come to help with preparation.  I had a B12 injection on thursday to see if I could manage to even have things here.  My son also said" Youare gonna have food aren't you because we are coming from church and the kids will be hungry for food not just cake or something"  This was in reference to times when they happen to show up no matter what time for visits and we have eaten ( most times some take out meal my husband picks up).  I do not feel able to cook a meal for them and do not.  there is a cake or cookies here and sandwich meat fruit and other things they could make themselves and the grandkids.

too make a long story a bit shorter, I am ending up cooking tyhe whole meal for however many show up.  I think this is rude in any circumstance but to place this burden on someone who is in pain and exteme fatigue is past rude.  It is selfish and shows a total lack of understanding as to what this puts me through.  Lord please help get the cooking done and also find a quiet place to "hide" when the crowd comes in with a loud bang that doen't stop until the last ones decide that THEY have to go because of THEIR lives.  Yep,  I understand very much because while I said my husband does a lot, he is the one that starts the ball rolling for folks to come here.  Then it is up to me to TRY to contact each one for help. Most of time unsuccessfully.  I think I'll tell my son that HE is in charge of the family gatherings from now on.  They will be at his house.  He will plan the meals, call everyone, ... .Sadly I think that would be the end of our family gatherings.

Hey, Kitty kat.

Well, my son used to beg me to be like other moms.  It was so SAD for me, so I do understand.  I did not have another parent around for about 2/3 of the kids' lives, either, so had to do the driving to wherever they "needed" to go.  Every parent-teacher conference, orchestra event, etc.., were MINE.  Somehow, I did find it in me to do it, no matter how I felt. I also volunteered (don't know how I did this) for many different needs of the teachers, who also did for US..  Other times, I had some of the parents of the kids' friends who understood what I was going through and they were wonderful assets for me. 

I think that it;  what our kids have to go through with sick moms "grows" better people in the long run;  if MY kids are any evidence of this, I KNOW it's true. 

Yes, it's going to be tougher on certain days.  And, then, there are the better days... where you're not feeling the need to be in bed ALL day, right?  I know you do a LOT with those kids and I also know that they will understand as they grow.  But, right now, they are being kids!  And, kids are, by virtue of who they are, selfish.  It's probably ingrained as some sort of coping mechanism, you know?

Glad DH is getting it and understanding.,, even if only a bit more.  Oh, and I was just at the grocery store in my car with THE PERMANENT HANDICAPPED PLATE (which for me was an embarassing thing for me to have to get.. but that's life).. and I had an old fart give me a hard time.  I pointed out my obviously new neck and facial scars and said, "you THINK you KNOW?  You know nothing!"  Believe it or not, he actually apologised to me!  ha...  score one for the chick with the screwed-up jaw (and other things too)!!!