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2 days ago I finally let the flood gates open wide an had a long and very tearful discussion with my fiancee. While it was a VERY difficult conversation I was FINALLY able to get honest and somewhat emotional responses from him. It turns out that he had trying not to let me know just how worried he was for me and my health. While having him talk to me honestly about how he felt was productive I still am struggling with feeling as though I will be a life long burden for him. Not to mention all of the things that he will miss out on if he is needing to care for me, take to my multiple monthly doctor's appointments. What about children, we both really would like to have children but will I be able to care for a child by myself?
We have decided to get premarital counselling so that we can talk to someone who is completely unbiased and we can communicate "our" fears, concerns, issues and make a general plan on how we might deal with complications that may arise. Now the trick will be to see if we can find a counsellor who specializes in not only premarital counselling but also understands and can deal with the issues associated with a person who is in constant pain.
With any luck tomorrow will be better!!
HAPPY HOLIDAYS !!
It is great that you have opened the line of communication with your fiancee. I think it is really important for our significant others to know and at least try to understand what we go through every day.
I also think that it is so smart of you to go and get premarital counseling. Not because I think that your relationship won't work out, but because with the added stresses of chronic pain, come some different and difficult issues. It is always best to put everything on the table beforehand and deal with it rather than shoving it in the closet to deal with later.
It's funny because I have a post on guilt coming up very soon. I hope you will read it, perhaps you will relate. In the mean time, take it easy and know that you have taken some awesome steps to ensuring that your relationship lasts! Awesome!
Sincerely,
Stacy
Stacy,
Thank You for not only reading but responding to my post. It's nice to know that there are people out there who care!!
It was after a lot of discussion that he finally agreed to premarital counselling. Not because he is opposed to getting counselling but he felt that my reasons were misguided, if you will. He has always and I'm positive will always tell me that he loves me for being me. That I am his best friend, soon to be his wife not defined by a disease but by who I am and how i life the life I have to live. He fell in love with me knowing how sick I was and is confident that he can handle anything else that this chronic and degenerative disease will through at us. I guess because being sick has caused me to loose or be forced to give up so much that I am afraid that someday that I will loose him also. That he will grow to resent me.
Anyway, enough whining for me today. Please let me know when your particle is published and send me the link if you know it.
I would really love to keep this dialogue with you open as i am quite isolated and have no one to openly talk to about being in constant pain. If it's not feasible for you I completely understand.
I wish You and Your Family All the Best in 2008!
Cheers,
Andrea
Hi Andrea,
Hopefully I will have more time to respond to your post a little later today, but for now I wanted to point you to my SharePost about guilt. Since it wasn't featured on the homepage as of yet, very few people have read it.. but personally I think so many will identify with what I say. Anyway, take a look.. it is here: http://www.healthcentral.com/chronic-pain/c/109/16087/guilt-pain/
Thanks for directing me to your post. It sometimes take another to remind us that the universe does not revolve around ourselves. It's also nice to know that I am not in this alone, at least not any more. I really am grateful for your reaching out to me. I am still struggling with "guilt", only the causes just seemed to be increasing. I think the most important life skill that I could gain at this point ion time would the be the ability to deal with it in a constructive manner. Instead of internalizing it and ultimately giving myself a panic attack or a sleepless night. Either way I look forward to chatting with you further about this, if you have the chance.
Cheers