OMG....I am crying for u... Is this ur first fusion? I don't know what to say to you, cause I have had people say things to me, trying to comfort me, and I was like what r u nutts...u know nothing of what I am going through. I could say hang in there, be strong, call on God...I have heard everything people can come up with. I went through what ur going through, leaving the dr. office squalling....and I did get through it. I can't leave my house, can't go shopping, to a movie, out to eat...cause I can't walk to get there...I know nothing noone can say will really help, cause I know I was like how can u say that u have no clue what pain I am in...and thats true people who suffer from chronic pain 24/7 knows how u feel, but someone outside the box that doesn't suffer 24/7, can't imagine what it is like, the brain won't let them understand severe chronic pain. The reason I say this is cause, my sister was first, she has had 4 fusions...I would go to her house and say come on lets go to the mall, and she would Julie I am hurting to bad...so I would go to my daddy and say, daddy everyday I try and get cathy to go with me she want...I would fuss and complain, thinking she was just not wanting to be with me...for 2 yrs I really never understood her pain...until mine happen ...for over 3 yrs now i have been like this...it is getting worse cause everyday it is harder and harder to walk...My husband finally made me get a hoveround, he thinks this is gonna be our "magic" carpet, thats gonna take most of my pain away cause I am riding around. I am in constant pain, walking just makes it worse. My spine is breaking apart...I really just feel so bad for u....I know what ur going through, but helping ur situation is another thing....OK....This is what helped me ok...when I did the same thing u did on here awhile back, someone wrote a long letter to me about them going through the same thing u and I did...and for some reason, I don't know if it was cause it got my mind off it for a few, or because I knew I wasn't alone. but she helped me...so u write me back anytime u need to vent, or just talk.  

                                                                                                Julie

Trust me..crying does help..but, not to the point that you are...you sound more like someone that needs profesional help, in regards to accepting your condition..I know chronic pain, and all the rest of conditions that come with it..i have been thru all the medications for chronic pain, from A-Z..and had to withdrawal from all of them, cold turkey..just like a heroin addict coming off the drug..is no easy task. aside from all the pain the drives you crazy, and yes, even to suicide..my story is long to tell..but..hope it helps you..I was in an auto accident,,broke my spine in 3 parts...my neck, jaws..head..arms.legs..teeth,,and i fractured all my ribs, and went into a coma 2x, near death 2x..and was in the hospital for almost a year..iam lucky to be alive, and still walking...i was paralyzed from my neck down...for 6 months..i but i had faith and a strong spirit and was able to walk again, to the astonished Drs..and here iam...Iam beleive the higher power brought me back to this earth to give all of you my story, and some hope..yes, its hard to live with chronic pain, night and day, and fatigue, and insomnia. and all the after effects of such trauma to the body...and yes...here Iam still..passing on the message..dont feel sorry for yourself, find something to hang on. too...someone near you, or around you still needs you around..get help..there are wonderful drs out there that understand the patient with pain...try the necessary medications until you find one the helps you live a better quality of life..get informed..get yourself some depression medications, if needed..go to counseling..join groups like these where there are people like you, or worst that has been able to cope..and with all the pain in the world, they find themselves being useful, creative, coping with everyday life....You are not alone...you just need to find the road that will take you to get the proper help and be able to cope and adapt with your new way of life..yes..its painful in many ways, your whole life changes, nothing is ever the same...but..we are still here..its a everyday struggle..but we are still here..and youre not alone...find yourself..stop feeling worthless or the victim..stand up and fight this thing called PAIN.....yes it a monster that haunts you day and night...but, we must be strong, and fight back...with knowledge, good medications, therapy, family, support groups, faith, good caring doctors, and a new outlook on your limited condition...thats my message to you..

hope something helps....

write to me if you need more help..

iam always around to help...

or just to listen and show you that you can become strong against this PAIN....everyday is a new day...

And dry your tears, that only gets you more worried

and weakens your system to cope...

Start on your road to recovery......

PLease...Have Faith..

Take care

Silvia

mindimudd

9/ 8/10 6:45pm

silvia you reached out to me today i dont feel so internally alone I will hve a cry and fight on. mindimudd 

LADYBAJA

9/12/10 8:24am

Thank you for your message...I hope you continue fighting this monster called pain..never give up..find yourself a good Pain Management Dr, and always stay informed...stay positive, have Faith, and always know that you are never alone....Iam here if you need someone to talk to...

We are bonded by pain, and we are all in this together..Keep your faith up, and dont be a victim to this pain, dont let it rob you more of your life, that it has already...ok..keep on fighting...dont ever give up, and get smart about your condition...and dont feel bad if you need to take drugs like narcotics for your pain...its for a good cause, to make your feel better for some hours of the day...do what you have to do to make your life easier...

take care please...and my prayers are with you...let me know how you are doing ok..

Sylvia...

i call my daughter  because i don't know who else to call

Everyone has already given you good advice, now you need to make a plan.  As a person who has lived with pain for 40 years, chronic pain for the last 15, this is my suggestion.  First, get into a Pain Management Program/Group, they will handle just about everything for you.  Medications, referrals to other doctors and the much needed mental support you need right now.  These people know pain, this is all they do.  They saved me!  I was at my breaking point and praying everyday not to wake up.  Second, see another doctor about your back.  Never take one persons opinion on something like this.  Third,  stay away from people who don't or won't understand or care how you feel, you need people around that support you and lift you up, not bring you down.  Forth,  when you start feeling a little better get into a hobby of some kind.  I knit and belong to a group that get together twice a week.  Believe me I know what you are going through.  I have give this same advise to a lady is my knitting group and she is a whole new person.

Celeste

I wish there was an answer because this is the point of where I'm at now.  I've had 2 surgeries.  After the surgeries then came the pain management clinic with the shots that does no good and the doc continut sending me back.  I'm at the point of frustration and nothing stops the pain that I'm having in my vack.  I have been in constant pain since 2005.

I'm sorry but have you tried a chiropractor to help with your pain? I have three ruptured disc in my neck and have been seeing a chiropractor for 2 1/2 months and i have less and less pain every time i go. For the someone to talk to have you thought about a psychologist it sounds like you have depression. I went thew it at the beginning when i was in a lot of pain.

I am in this pain group which helps me. So when I am feeling like that I call one of them or I go and hide in my room. I have a problem with my nerves going up my right arm into my neck and I have pain, shooting pain, dull pain that doesnt go away with anything I do.  It is frustrating and depressing but you have to think you are still able to walk right?  I just want to tell you about my husband he has had 7 back surgeries and he is still working and doing great! yes he does have daily pain but it is not nothing like he had before. he has had laminectomies and a lower back fusion, then they put a cage in another fusion. so he actually had 2 fusions.  He injured his back twice which lead to the fusions.  I know it is scary to think about having surgery on your back  but if you have numerous docs telling you the same thing, why not? But I would recommend a NUEROSERGEON to do the back surgery that is what my husband had.  good luck to you.

I too, suffer from this.  I am taking klonpin for the anxiety and crying part, I take cymbalta for the depression and it is woking for me.   When I get to this point like you I called the crisis line and or see a doctor that is a one that helps people with mental issues.  I do hope these things helps.

Susan

I talk with my husband or my best female friend, Alicia. They are my only source of face to face support. I have great support from online friends in support groups also. My close friend of over 40 years doesn't even call me anymore. I bought a book called "Beyond Casseroles - Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend" to give her. I thought maybe she just didn't know what to say to me. I don't know if I'm sending it to her now. I'm trying to be okay with the fact that she just doesn't care.    

I have been down with my lower back for a week now.I had trigger point injections Monday and it made me worse.I can barely walk ,I hurt from lower back to hips and legs which on leg is numb.

So I went to the ER today crying i hurt so bad.The nurse said well we can`t give you nothing for pain.I said I have pain pills,something is wrong i can`t walk.Well she went on and on until i was crying badly.Took me to a room.Doctor came in i told em where i was hurting and he said the samething ,I can`t give u no pain meds.I said i want test ran.They said no we can`t ,I said excuse me!Your turning me away and I can hardly walk?He said go back to your pain management doc.I said he`s close now and i`m hurting badly.Made me so mad i said get the hell out of my room so I can dress and you`ll be hearing from my Attorney.I need help to find one because I know i have a ruptured disc or a infection.My husband couldn`t believe his ears.He said come one we`ll sue them.I`m so sick of being treated like i`m a liar and mentally ill.We need help!!!!

Most cities have a crises hotline that you can call when you are this emotional.  It doesn't matter why, just that there is a voice at the other end of the line to help you calm down, and take a more objective look at your problem.  Look in the White Pages for Crises Helpline.

I know they helped me deal with the simple fact that *no one* but you knows what you are going through.

I PRAY TO GOD AND GO TO BED.

God

I apologize for my first reply.  I stupidly (being new to this site) answered the question before logging in and didn't realize I did not have the full question.

I have to agree that an evaluation by a counselor is a good place to start. I know how bad the pain can be. I have TMJ disorder as well as arthritis in the jaw joints, right shoulder, both feet and all fingers.  It is bone on bone in the jaw joints.  The big toe joint has been fused. I was in the same place you are right now.  Basically told there is nothing they can do to help me. 

I thank God I had a friend who helped me to formulate a plan.  First I made an appt. with a Psychiatrist and then with a pain management program.  I was in so much pain I seriously became suicidal.  A anti-depressant is something you should consider.  There are some on the market these days that even help with pain (well they say they do).

The primary thing to do is to get control of the pain and not let it control you.  I know that is easier said then done. But in the long run you will be in a much better place and able to cope alot better. 

I hope something in here is helpful to you.  Know that you are not alone in this fight.  There are doctors who will help you both physically and emotionally to get on a better path.  As well as others who care like all of us in these groups! 

I am an owner now of a TMJ disorder group and the help that group has provided though caring and sharing is priceless. 

Take Careof You: Cause I Care!

I went through the same thing..... Sometimes i would go days without eating or drinking... I would only leave the bed to go to the bathroom..... I finally had the fusion done, and even though it hurt immediately afterwards, i finally started feeling the benefits a month or so later....

I would suggest seeing a therapist... It is a good way to let it out.... You don't have to be crazy to see one... All you have to need is someone to talk to...

Good luck and I wish you all the best...

I know what you're dealing with! I have been there and still end up there occasionally. First don't try to deal with it all at once. What is bothering you most? For me it was pain. Develope a plan of attack. You need to attack this to save yourself. Don't have surgery unless you really want to try it. Quite often on a back it ends up worse. As far as who to talk to. That's a tough one. It needs to be somebody that has compassion for your situation. It doesn't need to be someone you know. More than likely everyone you know won't understand. I've learned to be my own best friend. Nobody will care for you as much as you do. If you didn't you wouldn't be writing. Other option? Lots of people on this site care.

HI THERE I am in the same roller coaster i an 36 with a 7 mo old baby witch i can not hold due to his size i feel like the biggest let down in the world i am going on three years with this I lost my dreams my hope my life i don't know what to do I have had all my job skills takeing from mee told I am useless & worthless. I don't Know WHAT TO DO ANY MORE PLEASE HELP. THANK YOU ?

MY NAME IS JOHNNY MY EMIAL IS install44@verizon.net please contact me I hope we can get through this!

LADYBAJA

9/12/10 8:29am

I know chronic pain, and all the rest of conditions that come with it..i have been thru all the medications for chronic pain, from A-Z..and had to withdrawal from all of them, cold turkey..just like a heroin addict coming off the drug..is no easy task. aside from all the pain the drives you crazy, and yes, even to suicide..my story is long to tell..but..hope it helps you..I was in an auto accident,,broke my spine in 3 parts...my neck, jaws..head..arms.legs..teeth,,and i fractured all my ribs, and went into a coma 2x, near death 2x..and was in the hospital for almost a year..iam lucky to be alive, and still walking...i was paralyzed from my neck down...for 6 months..i but i had faith and a strong spirit and was able to walk again, to the astonished Drs..and here iam...Iam beleive the higher power brought me back to this earth to give all of you my story, and some hope..yes, its hard to live with chronic pain, night and day, and fatigue, and insomnia. and all the after effects of such trauma to the body...and yes...here Iam still..passing on the message..dont feel sorry for yourself, find something to hang on. too...someone near you, or around you still needs you around..get help..there are wonderful drs out there that understand the patient with pain...try the necessary medications until you find one the helps you live a better quality of life..get informed..get yourself some depression medications, if needed..go to counseling..join groups like these where there are people like you, or worst that has been able to cope..and with all the pain in the world, they find themselves being useful, creative, coping with everyday life....You are not alone...you just need to find the road that will take you to get the proper help and be able to cope and adapt with your new way of life..yes..its painful in many ways, your whole life changes, nothing is ever the same...but..we are still here..its a everyday struggle..but we are still here..and youre not alone...find yourself..stop feeling worthless or the victim..stand up and fight this thing called PAIN.....yes it a monster that haunts you day and night...but, we must be strong, and fight back...with knowledge, good medications, therapy, family, support groups, faith, good caring doctors, and a new outlook on your limited condition...thats my message to you..

 

hope something helps....

write to me if you need more help..

iam always around to help...

or just to listen and show you that you can become strong against this PAIN....everyday is a new day...

 

we cry tears in shapes of things we have lost.

moarn the shapes that come out of your eyes. we lose so much in chronic pain and we are so scared that any movement, decision,  choice will make it worse. move into the pain, imbrace it, exsperance it, listen to it, talk to it, some where in it there is an answer. 

mindi lee    

i am not sure that i have an answer for you...but i need to say that i am glad i found your post.  interestingly enough, i found it because i am finding myself in the same situation.  i have had constant and chronic pain for as long as i can remember now.  over 25 years!  it was about this long ago that i first started seeking treatment.  it has been hell all this time.  unfortunately, what i thought was a bad situation, has now gotten worse!  and all i do now is cry.  what's worse, the ones i love and count on---not only do not help, but actually seem to be making it worse.  my husband fights with me--telling me that i am being "short" with him and that he doesn't have to put up with it!  He makes little comments like "i know you're hurting...but BLAH BLAH BLAH..."  if he knows, why does he make it worse?  funny thing is, is that i am not being rude, or mean, or anything!  i will just do something like; go into the other room to lay down or read as any little sound (much less the blaring tv) is enough to send me through the roof screaming in pain!  my condition causes daily chronic migraine headaches, and the slightest noise is unbearable.  so rather than be rude and ask that the tv be turned down or off, i go to the other room.  he has absolutely no thought of how bad it hurts!  as many others have said before, no one understands unless they have been there.  as far as friends, no one seems to be "available" when/if i call them.  again, i don't think that they know just how badly you truly need them, or anyone for that matter, to talk to! 

i too am at my wits end...and this is all on top of the now worsened pain!  i typed in a search for support groups for chronic pain in utah and, well, here i am!  i am finding help though in the words of others who have also responded to you...i hope that you are as well? 

i recently did find a very wonderful and caring doctor.  this was after years and years and years of no one being able to find out why i was in pain to begin with!  so, i have found some hope in knowing that i am not crazy and that there is actually a reason i feel the way i do!  i am just not sure where to go from here.  one thing that my new dr. has noticed right away and recommended to me almost immediately is counseling.  he told me that there are counselors who specialize in treating chronic pain and medical conditions.  and he saw that i needed this before i even realized that i did.  this was just about a week or so ago...and i already see that he is right! 

one thing i have found, about the crying...is that i have actually found it to be helpful.  i don't know if it is or would be for you, but it actually releives a lot of pressure and quite a bit of the pain.  of course, if it is non-stop for days, weeks, months, etc.  then of course it is not good.  but for a few hours, i dunno--could help?

This is an old post to answer, IO just hope someone will read this.

I'v been in pain since I was 8yrs. old, I went down a slide & broke my tailbone, where the sand was worn away from a post holding the slide down, with cement. Another 'Member' said she was told,'You've been in pain to long for us to help you', somthing like that. I also don't remember whats it like, to NOT have pain.

I'v been threw it all, so please don't suggest for me to see a 'Chiroprater', have another 100+ injectins, excerise's or go to P.T. I'V DONE IT ALL! A few drs. told me to 'Get a Hobbie'..I'v been rescuing Animals over 40 yrs. A few told me to 'Find a Boyfriend' who wants a NOW broken down old lady?

I'v been to many Dr's, with my MRI'S, Cat scans from long ago, X-rys old & receant. You can see where my discs are gone, where my Vertbrays have 'Fused' every which way, also the Discs that very thin, they probly wore away by now. See you don't have 'surgey' for Fushions, your body will do what surgey can do. A yr. ago I had an x-ray at my G.P's, I fell against a plastic crate & had trouble breating. WOW was he suprised to see my 'Kyposis' had gotten so bad, it has grown to less then an inch from my spine. He looked at me with a worried face & asked, 'What are you going to do'..I have complained for yrs about pain between my shoulder blades. They answered 'If we can calm down your lower back, that should help your upper back', But no one bothered to find out WHY the pain between my shoulder blades..NOW WE KNOW! Where is this 'gROUTH' going to end up? Will it attach to my spine, or go further & damage something in my chest, I'll have to read more about it, as I always have, I had an HMO for yrs, to them if I still breathing..I was O.k.  Thats when I started finding out all I could about Backs, picking everones brain, reading,ect.

I triped coming in from the garage over 2ys. ago, it didn't heal right, which let to more problems. When you've done stuff all day, my legs & arms don't work right, or my leg couldn't step up a small step, My family is so use to me doing everything, even though they are 'Adults', they follow my husbands lead & hold 'the couch down'. My Mom was the same she always depended on me to do it all, even when all I could do was crawl pushing a heavy stepstool, to clime up to the counders, drag a Laundry basket up the stair or down. She expected my 'Chores' to be down, I had to do my Sisters too, if hers wern't done I was the one who got in trouble. Mom worked 2-3 jobs, when all I could do was crawl, she at least cut me some slack if I didn't get everything done, expecting me to catch up the next day. I LOVED IT when my Sister said to me a few yrs. ago 'Guess I just don't know how to clean a house', with many of her friends there IO answered 'Cause you never had to, I crawled around & did it'. She started her usuall 'screaming' at me, she would SCREAM at me over every small thing, making everyone look at her as if she was nuts..Lol That broke the party up, she put on that I was the oner who 'beat' her up, 'screamed' at her, ect. She would always tell everone about 'Her terrible childhood'. When I would see her friends at other 'get togethers', many of her friends would tell me how they heard her say things to me that made them cringe. She liked to put on how 'sweet & loving' she was, glad they saw how she really was.

For now I have a good pain Dr. who gives me Meds, which take the edge off my pain. Reading everyones post, it seems like everyone wants to be out of pain. Sorry to say, YOU WILL NEVER BE OUT OF PAIN! You will NEVER run a 10K again, hike ALL DAY in the mountians, play softball or 5 games of Tennis. You have to 'pick' what you can do that day & for how long, I know you don't want to hear that, Sorry. A member said she wored a few hrs a day & came home & just went to sleep. I tryed working 4hrs. 3-4 days a wk. if it wasn't for the 'bumps' on the freeway, I would have fallen asleep on the way home.

I don't tell ppl what Meds I take, they think I'm a 'Drug Addict', my Sister again, makes out that I take 'handfuls of drugs' all day long. She doesn't tell about her dring 1-2 of the boxes WINE, 24/7, how she has 'Jaunice', been the Hosp. a few times. She tells a 'story' about being BORN with it, it is now 'showing-up'. I'v read many things about it, none said you 'carry' it like Diabetis, she thinks shes fooling everyone. But won't stop with my Meds, my tests come back O.K...the B*%$h, even her Chipractor looks at me like, I will start foaming at the moth & snakes will grow from my head. She should know better, she went to school to become a Chiropracter. YA, a higher education or going to college makes you smart...Right? My dog's have more common sence than a few dr's, I went too.

Now that my back is 'Screaming' at me, I'll take my HANDFULL of Drug's, clime in my wheelchair & vaccum some floors. This house is a 'dust ball' & no one here cares, the floors are so dirty you can't see what color they are. I'll just do what I can, one of my Sons washed the floors a few wks. ago, now I'll scrape the dirt from the corners. How can 'They' live like this knowing I'm still in a wheelchair, my knee is a whole story, in it's self. Take care. Love ya all. Wipe you tears away, it can't get any worse..yes it can. I can't walk, pee in a bed pan, get a shower once a wk., if I'm lucky. wash up from a plastic pan, have to ask for food, can't reach the good stuff. Talk with you all later, I can't leave my house, have a 'sloup' in front, can't get out in my wheelchair. Hugs, Pegi