GO to a Pain Specialist! NOW! I was in the same boat as you- depressed near suicide, but I was not working and that was even worse. Stay at your job! Do not lose your insurance. With 11 years experience you could get another job if they happen to fire you. Maybe you can ask for a different position within your company doing less of what you are doing that is causing you so much pain? Try to schedule appointments around work so that you won't miss any time. ( Don't give them an excuse to let you go.) I was fired after being hurt at a company that I worked at for 10 years. It was very difficult to be searching for a way to pay for pain specialist and meds with no insurance. So keep your comments to yourself, try not to complain, do the best you can without anger and start seeing a pain specialist and a mental health counselor. You will feel so much better, once you get started on a pain regimine, and when you can get out your feelings, it's not easy but you can do it! Don't trust anyone at your work either. Just do your job, as best you can, Trust Me. I will pray for you. Good Luck!