The Healing Power of Humor

(Page 4)

I cannot get sick pay. I have six children. Can you tell me why?
This is my 8th child. What are you going to do about it?
I am forwarding my marriage certificate and my three children, one of which was a mistake as you will see.
You have changed my little boy to a girl. Will this make any difference?
I want money quick as I can get it. I have been in bed with the doctor for two weeks and he doesn’t do me any good. If things don’t improve, I will have to send for another doctor.

Excerpts from real church bulletins:

On Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the expense of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet, come forward and get a piece of paper.
Thursday, at 5 p.m., there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All those wishing to become little mothers, please meet the pastor in his study.

Real notices from around the world (in English?):

In a Paris Hotel elevator – Please leave your values at the front desk.
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop – Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
In a Bangkok dry cleaners – Drop your trouser here for best results.
From a car rental brochure in Tokyo – When passenger on foot have in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.

Quotes from actual medical records dictated by physicians:

The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
The patient refused an autopsy.
The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
While in the ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

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Reprinted with permission of the National Fibromyalgia Association from Fibromyalgia AWARE, March - June, 2004