2.  What they are not.

Fibromyalgia is not a psychological disorder – it is an all too real physical illness.  Those who have it are not hypochondriacs; nor are they lazy, overly sensitive or just trying to get attention.  And they are not simply depressed.  Although depression may or may not accompany FM, it is not the cause of it.  The percentage of people with FM who also have depression is no greater than for any other chronic illness. 

3.  Every fibromyaglia patient is different.

The differences in FM patients exist on a couple of levels.  One is the severity of their symptoms.  While one patient may be able to continue working, another may be severely disabled and in some cases, even confined to a wheelchair.  Just because you may know someone else with FM who is functioning fairly well doesn't mean your loved one is faking or not trying hard enough.  It simply means they have a more severe case. 

Another big difference is how various treatments options work.  What helps one person with FM doesn't necessarily help another.  Also, people with FM tend to have a lot of sensitivities to medications, so it often takes much trial and error to find something that will help.  We find that what works best for most FM patients is some combination of medication, gentle exercise, lifestyle changes, and often some kind of complementary treatment like massage therapy, acupuncture, supplements, etc.  Unfortunately, it can take a long time to find that ideal combination.   

4.  What you can do.

The main thing your friend or family member needs from you is your understanding, support and encouragement.  They know you can't take their pain away.  They just want you to listen without judging them and let them know you care.  Often people with fibromyalgia have told me that the emotional pain of having loved ones question the validity of their illness or accuse them of just being lazy is, in many ways, worse than the physical pain they have to deal with.  They already struggle with feelings of guilt because sometimes they can't “be there” for family and friends as much as they'd like to be.  Try to reassure them that you care about them for who they are, not just what they can physically do for you.