Their frustration exists on two levels. First, it's difficult to find a doctor who can effectively treat pain because most physicians only receive one hour of training in pain management in medical school. On top of that, federal regulations surrounding the prescribing and use of the opioid pain medications often needed to treat chronic pain are such that many doctors would rather not prescribe any at all than risk being arrested because a couple of their patients abused them.
Secondly, even when patients are finally able to find a doctor who will prescribe the medications they need, their families and friends sometimes accuse them of being addicted and pressure them to quit taking their medication. Given all we hear in the news about drug abuse, it's understandable that loved ones would be concerned. However, there is an important distinction between being addicted to a drug and being physically dependent on a mediation that provides just enough pain relief to enable the person to have some reasonable quality of life. If you are concerned about your loved one's medication use, I would like to encourage you to read Opioids: Addiction vs. Dependence before making any judgements.
3. What you can do.
The main thing your friend or family member needs from you is your understanding, support and encouragement. They know you can't take their pain away. They just want you to listen without judging them and let them know you care. Often people with chronic pain have told me that the emotional pain of having loved ones question the validity of their pain or accuse them of just being lazy or wanting drugs is, in many ways, worse than the physical pain they have to deal with. They already struggle with feelings of guilt because sometimes they can't “be there” for family and friends as much as they'd like to be. Try to reassure them that you care about them for who they are, not just what they can physically do for you.
If you'd like to know some other ways you can help, there's a very nice and inexpensive little book that is chock-full of suggestions. Read my review of Beyond Casseroles: 505 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend for a sampling of its contents.
Finally, if you'd like to learn more about chronic pain in general or your friend/family member's specific condition, please visit us at ChronicPainConnection.com and feel free to ask questions.
Best regards,
Karen Lee Richards
ChronicPainConnection Expert
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© Karen Lee Richards
Updated 3/30/09
